This is not goodbye,

I only will leave you for a while

so many things need to be done

time seemed reluctant to wait longer, 

I had to hurry before dusk

This is not goodbye,

I will just move to another place that has long neglected

the place that I used to go when my soul getting tired to find the

meaning of life 

the place only me and my soul can find....

This is not goodbye....

just give me a time to find a way for a lost soul to be found

This is not  goodbye,...because I will be back someday

 but I never know the exact time....

Lets we do what can be done

This is not goodbye, I won't allow you to cry because this is not a

goodbye....

Jakarta, October 7, 2017

There is a meeting there must be a farewell, there is a start and for sure you will find the end. to all my dearest friend on EC, million thanks to all of you for being so supportive

Mr. Josep Essberger many thanks to you, you open the opportunity for me to learn and meet many good people here, that's a huge pleasure to be a part of your big family Mr. Josep. 

I hope one day I will be back again...

In every journey, you will find knowledge which enriches your soul

you will learn from every single person you have met during the journey...

don't compare them, because diversity is beauty... 

Suddenly I realized I had taken the wrong bus... My first day in a new place and I was lost. I panicked for a while and started to blame myself. I was so 'smart' for leaving without a map in my backpack.

All buildings and streets started to look the same....and I began cursing myself...

It was 7 pm outside Melbourne, Australia. Store and mini market owners were ready to place the closed sign on their door, I was afraid to ask people because of my bad English, worried if they don't understand my English it would be a disaster for me or what if I met the wrong person.

but darkness forced me harder than my fear., 

I kept walking and hope I met a police officer, uugh where were they when I needed them?

I was thinking to call my friend to pick me up but still, I need to find someone who could tell me the place where I lost. worried because the sky was getting darker and darker, angry because I thought I was smart enough to find my way to the hotel but I was not. 

I struggled to gather my confidence and started to ask people I met, Slowly I found myself a bit relax...I was back on the right track. take the right bus to the city. called my friend and informed them I would go back to the hotel a bit late.

At the stopped 6, I turn out from the bus number 11 and walk along the little china, enjoyed the lampions combined with the bulbs, Melbourne still breathing fast, people walking to their destination called home, I saw people busy with their own, alone in a crowded place gave me a strange feeling, I've missed home.... and my moms food.

food? Oh my God, I remembered the last food enter to my tummy when I was at the airport, and it has been 9 hours since my last meal, that's why my stomach played a rock music and the drum sound beat my appendix ...get lost maybe the best way to do diet...LOL

I looked around to find a place to fulfill my hunger, and I remembered my friend told me to try Nando's Resto, I saw the restaurant only one block away from the place I stood, I crossed the street and walked faster to Nando's, get in and found a table in the corner, near the window. I ordered the special food they served and waiting, and my eyes met him.

He smiled at me, I was lazy to smiled back to him because I was too hungry to be friendly and I already had a rough day, that's enough for me no more trouble for today. I decided to read while waiting.

Five minutes passed, I felt there were eyes kept watching, my instinct ordered me to lift my face towards the direction, and the same eyes, same smile where there, lazily I gave him a faint smile to show I was busy and I tried to hold a hunger...out of a sudden he walked to my table and asked to sit together, for a while I had doubt but I thought it would be good to have someone to talk, so I said yes.

we were talked till the food served, time passed by, Masato was studying at Melbourne University and got the internship there.

Around 23.00 pm Melbourne time, happy tummy made me smile and cheer up, time to say bye to Masato and we promised to meet again the next day. It was not a bad day anyway, I met Japanese guide tour in Melbourne.

I reached the hotel and felt sleepy but happy. 

Like my friend, Bubba said "Never be afraid to get lost...That is when you will find amazing things"

That's very true, so LETS GET LOST.

In every journey, you will find knowledge which enriches your soul

you will learn from every single person you have met during the journey,

don't be ignorant to surrounding, you don't know what you will find,

maybe a friend,

maybe a love 

but for sure you will find something

Thanks to Bubba and Crocodile this story inspired by our conversation in the main room.

 .

"Is everything going okay with you there?"

I couldn't believe myself asking such a question... I just wanted to hear that you were suffering a lot.

I could not believe myself pretending like an angel in front of you and hold my devil side so good inside of me.

smiling like an innocent kid while crying so loud in silent.

I am jealous......

Jealous of everything around you. Jealous of the way that you're happy without me.

I am suffering because of it, hurting so bad, and just wanted to curse my bad luck.

"Is everything going okay with you there?"

Fake smile, trying hard to hold the tears from my hurting eyes.......I couldn't believe that I could be an amazing actor like this.

I just wanted to hear that you wanted to hold me back and stayed with me and choose me instead of other.

I am jealous......

Jealous of the smile that comes from the lips to other direction.

Jealous of the love that you have shared to another heart.

Jealousy brought me to the deepest mourning ever, throw me to the longest sorrow.

Even me, myself never ever imagined this before.

"Is everything going okay with you there?"

I knew this question hurts me a lot, but still,  I asked.

I just wanted to know how strong my heart to accept the failure. 

to tested how invulnerable my feeling towards you.

" I am far from okay, but I will survive," He said

I won but lose...

defeated by my own heart, deceived by my own feeling

sank deeper and deeper, even worse...

"Is everything going ok with me here?".....

I am looking for the answer deep down in me...

sometimes angel has no pretty face

Did you know that?

I knew it.....because I saw an angel in you

sometimes angel has no soft and sweet voice

did you notice that?

I did because I heard angel in you

when I was a kid, I only knew that angel has a beautiful face with a white wing  

with a mesmerizing voice and shady face

when I am growing older I found that angel in the different performance

Did you recognize that?

I did because I saw angel appearance in you

I saw your anger but still you are an angel

I saw your tears but still you are an angel

I saw you when you are disappointed, unsatisfied but still an angel in you

I saw you secretly awake in the middle of the night while I slept so tight,

and I heard your gentle voice reciting prayers for me....

I saw you secretly smile while I got a good mark at school

with no words you just gave me your warm hug. 

I saw secretly your tears when I was sick or hurt, 

with a gentle hand, you touched my pain and I fell cured

Mom...I saw an angel in You

I rejected aggrieved,

because I thought I deserve happiness

I refused wounded, 

because I thought I deserve healed

I have counted all the bad things and forgot almost all the good things

easily.....

I found Her, sit on the corner of this gaudy cafe, fancy clothes, expensive bag, elegant shoes, luxury perfume, hmmm She wore almost two months of my salary for this presence....

She was smiling, looked bitter on her sophisticated face, waved her hands like a master order their minion to come. I just smiled at her and realized she never changed.

I was gazing at her eyes and found a deep sorrow, I knew she asked me to come for this reason.

Let me tell you who are these awesome women who sat in front of me......

She was a queen of my heart, my a half-life, the one whom I shared my joy, my jubilance. till she decided to choose luxury than love. 

She threw me into the deepest mourning, and I have woken up from that after years.

" money can not buy a happiness....." She said. 

I heard her deep breath, her eyes were looking somewhere....empty.....

I was silent, even  in my mind I wanted to say something rude to make her realized that She said no happiness without money a few years back.

revenge is always as sweet as sugar.....but I did not want to do it, because sugar causes diabetic, and I don't want to get that LOL....

" At least you can buy a food with that" I tried to break the ice.

" yeah, but no food for your soul" her voice sounds weak.

And then the stories  flowing smoothly as river water from upstream to downstream.

The story about anxiety,insecurity,faithless,painfulness,unlucky feelings,these causes ungratefully.

I rejected difficulties because

I thought I deserve ease

I refused hardship because

I thought I deserve favor

I have counted all the misfortune and forgot almost all the satisfaction easily.....

I saw tears on her eyes, but I couldnt replace with smile,because life is 
only about choises and she took hers already.

Happiness is simply, but she chooses not to see.

Trampled away from the gaudy cafe, she tried to smile but failed, I let her away while continuing to pray for the best. 

I rejected loss because

I thought I deserve benefit

I treated God as a business partner

once I invested my kindness

I thought I deserve profit

I have counted all the torrent and forgot almost all the triumphs  easily.....

I walked away, tried to calm down....

I saw myself while seeing her. she looked like my reflection...how fragile we are as a human being, how susceptible we are while accept suffering...

How forgetful we are while receiving all the good things in life...

Tears flowing,I realized how often I forget to be grateful for all I gained. Keep chasing something bigger , a lot more and I slipped off all I held .

Dearest readers

It has been long time since my last blog, I missed to write something, but honestly I don't have any idea what to write and how to start.

Until I found my Dada Seeker's blog...

I love cooking, one of my activity to get rid of a boring time, to forget about my difficult hours at work, to pretend there's nothing happened when I got a broken heart...hehehehe

The truth reason is the last one...

Cooking for me not just to serve a food on the dining table, to make your stomach full after hunger. Cooking mean a lot of things.

Cooking is about to feel something, to express your soft side feeling, to taste the flavor in the unique way, oh Gosh I talked like a real professional chef. Believe me I'm not even close to it.

cooking is something very personal, you need to fall in love with the ingredients and then start to make a good relationship with it.

Mixing the taste is like you are in a relationship,you need to know when the right time and the right way to mix the ingredients, to put the salt and sugar in the right dose, and it will be perfect.

salt is like a jealousy in a relationship, if you put it too much it will ruin the taste of love.like cooking.

Sugar is like every nice things when you are in love, caring, attention, physical interaction, if it too less or too much will directly impact to the relationship.

Ok back to the cooking class....

so cooking for me is a healthy activity, not only physical but also my inner side feeling.

even after cooking, I still have another satisfaction, when I served the food on the table and someone said its yummyyyy,........................

Oh my God it feels like you got an orgasm....so happy and excited 

Am I exaggerating? yes I think I am...

“See that's what people don't get about food. It's never the food, it's the love that goes into making it. That's what's important.” 
― Sarah Strohmeyer, Sweet Love

She smiled,

She put the orchid moon to the place it used to...

She was stroking the gravestone with incomparable softness and matchless tenderness,

and I was looking  at love from where I stood....

This morning is the umpteenth time I enjoy an amazing scenery, witnessing the love that is not separated by distance and time, the stretch off in determining a size, like watching a scene in the romantic drama.

This time, She came as usual in the same time and the same flower on her hand, 

She is not young but not yet old, her homely face looks like the always smile, She must be happy in her life.

I saw her sitting near the grave, she put the orchid moon on her lap, and She started to talk,................ sometimes I saw her thin smile, sometimes her face turned into a serious mood, but mostly I saw a thin smile on her shaded and earthy face....sometimes I could know that she was reciting prayers from her face that pleading earnestly.

and then......She smiled, She put the orchid moon to the place it used to...She was stroking the gravestone with incomparable softness and matchless tenderness, and I was looking  at love from where I stood.....

a strange atmosphere took me to followed her step every morning, try to find the answer of hundred questions on my mind,

I kept wondering why she was so persevering and never missed doing her ritual morning, I kept wondering why she kept nurturing a love that can not longer be comforted in her real life

why she talked to the grave in that way, why the orchid moon and many why"s that I wanted to find the answer ....

and again this morning....She smiled, She put the orchid moon to the place it used to...She was stroking the gravestone with incomparable softness and matchless tenderness, and I was looking  at love from where I stood.....

this time, our eyes met...

and from her eyes I got all the answers, Her shaded eyes replied all the questions without words....

She took me to feel the love, she taught me that love  not always about soft touch on your skin, not always tight hugs and intoxicating kisses, not always holding hands and being together.......

Love is about giving you a strength to continue life while a part of your heart left 

Love is about accepting the sad and happiness, in the same way, no more no less

Now I realize, why she has a very strong heart and tender love for us, why she never complain and always put the smile on her face no matter how hard life hit her

Her love leads her every day, and the orchid moon is the symbol of her love............

--------------------

Today as usual,.......

She is smiling, She put the orchid moon to the place it used to...She is stroking the gravestone with incomparable softness and matchless tenderness, and I am not looking  at love from where I stand.....

 but on her side, reciting prayers between the gravestone and orchid moon,

with my beloved mom........

This is the first time I'm into a writing challenge 

It is an interesting theme, and since the moment is perfect to make a conclusion of my resolution,so here I am.....

My word of the year 2016 is 'OPPORTUNITY'

Why this word become a word of the year 2016 for me? I have the story behind that word, this word effect me a lot these days 

First of all, For the last 3 years I have been working on something that I believed could make a good impact of my life.

I studied hard to make my dream comes true, I defeated my fear with my willpower, filled each small step with confidence, and believed every little things I did have an impact even it could not be directly perceived.

Finally a chance to prove myself capable of a greater burden of responsibility is coming,....and the OPPORTUNITY is knocking on my door in this coming year...

I saw the bright spot, and be grateful of it

I plucked a valuable lesson that the perseverance and strong belief would open doors of OPPORTUNITY no matter how small it is....  

HaPpY NeW YeAr 2016, Wish the whole year bring joy and happiness, for each of us...

and the OPPORTUNITIES are knocking our door,

" why didn't you reply me, my dear? I was worried about you....please ...please... please reply me, I'm waiting impatiently"

I touched the "send" button and the message hovering in the middle of the night....such a memorable evening, which has been run for months.

The nights that always reminds me to her loving eyes, the smile as sweet as cotton candy

the love messages skyrocketed and flashed in the air...sometimes the message brings smiles, sometimes anger, sometimes sweet sometimes slightly bitter, sometimes intimate sometimes hot...mostly bring the fear feelings for both of us.

There are no nights to be missed with a feeling of how all of this might have ended because we are separated by a very extreme distance, like a nightmare which tortured in our sleep.

Among all the women and all the loves, for me only her, no matter how the situation, no matter how it's impossible for us even just to build a dream together, there's still something that is real

"dear am I real to you ?" Her message arrived

and without any hesitation, I replied...

"of course dear we are real, and always be real"

hmmm is there anything more human than love and is there anything more love than human?

I met Her through the air, start from the string of letters which I interlace into the words and embroidered as a love messages...and then her angelic voice seduce my ears like music that soothes...

and after months, I saw her on the screen, her appearance were stunning my mind, lovely eyes, sweetest smile in the universe, and everything become wonderful like a blooming flower on the spring time

and the love messages are flooding like a water in the rain season when the drainage is not working good....

Until one crucial moment......

"what are we looking for dear?" Her message arrived

silence covering the air...

"Do we have future or we are just playing the game?" next message arrived

Reality crashing into the castle of love that we build up with the beautiful words.....

everything's ruin by words

--------------

" why didn't you reply me, my dear? I was worried about you....please ...please... please reply me, I'm waiting impatiently"

After thousands of messages sent, she kept silent, I didn't have the answer for her simple question

and she disappeared in the air ......

I am the light catcher, my job is catching the light and I put it into the eternity box....

These lights are farragoes, about a face of humans, expanse of lands, laughter of innocent children, growling of wild animals, flash of pain, the blood of the tortured, melancholic stories, tears and anger, untruth and artificiality.......

I'm catching all these lights and put them into my magic box and all the lights which I captured transform into memories....

Then I realize, I did not only catch the lights and memories......... I also caught the soul ..... someday, I will open that box and I will see the souls that I kept for so long

Before I found that magic box, my life was different, my job was just sitting on my desk and writing....I was still virgin, my heart, and my body had never been touched by anybody or anything, my life is so orderly, I could see my clear sky although I Cried so often, it still looks blue

 a boring life, but I didn't mind .....

The magic box was changing my life,  after I found that box, my dreams started to change, I was never imprisoned by space and time anymore. I seemed to have found a passion that had been missing, I even could reach an orgasm just by stealing the light.

---------

It is a sexy drizzling morning, I am too lazy to get up, I want to have my breakfast, accompanied by a symphony of raindrops that hit the tile and clay, as well as cool breeze that fingered touch my skin......

But I have to wake up, get out of the warm blanket, replace it  with the smell of rancid fish moist, fragrant chicken droppings, the sound of rats that scavenge rubbish in the gutter

I have to get up because of the lights of life that I'm looking for are out there, and I'm addicted to them, I flinch, my rushing steps keep going hunting  for the light that got me hooked....to the corners of hearts, I want to wife off the tears of the dreaming eyes......

I Pelvis my magic box, today I want captured the light of forgotten people...

I looked up....the skylight was blue, but now it becomes grey sometimes black in my point of views....

I am, the light catcher....I collected dumb images and blind sounds from the flake souls...and I'm  addicted to them ...

a special gift for my friend who loves to catch the light,

happy birthday,

I love all of your pictures,

your photos always amaze me,

so powerful!

thanks cuz you let me enjoy it. 

My name is Tari, and this is my story

A story about forbidden love....

The story of a love that should not be exist

The Sea.....always makes me don't want to go home, with or without someone else, with or without a lover, with or without any prominence, with or without  any reason

I really didn't want to go home,

moreover, I was not alone,

I were with a man who didn't want to go home either........but we had to go home,

went home, left the night sea that moving calmly,......

went home, left hugs and kisses under the moonlight peeking shyly.

What was tying our feelings so tight?

Sea or love? because we both knew we have no right to enjoy the sea and the love together.....

but why we were there ?, for the sea or for love?

nothing needs to be questioned, love and sea....just feel it

It's always like this, it's always confusion and always hate and crave, breeze in our togetherness, secret meeting, the meetings were quaint and panicky

For God's sake, for the sake of sea, for the sake of love, we didn't want to go home, Although we just blankly stared at the sky, although we only silent listened to the faint sound of waves, although the silence brought a long conversation, we still didn't want to go home

Love abducted us from reality, kidnaped us from a 'comfortable home'...but please not expelled us from the embrace of the sea...

night claimed twilight, love threw us from reality

"Love, why are your tears coming from your eyes? aren't you happy? " He said almost like a whisper

What is happiness? am I unhappy when my tears coming from my eyes?

why the tears only for unhappy? don't I have right to have tears when I'm happy?

"I have to go home even though I'm happy, tonight, this time, right now...no more five minutes even five seconds", I said without saw his eyes

so as not to pass one more night...

"if I let you add five minutes more, the love and the sea won't let me go again and again......." my voice sound undecided

final conversation....

---------------------------------------------

Today I'm alone, come here for the first time since those wonderful days

I'm coming to face the wound, to enjoying the pain, to receiving the regrets

I really don't want to go home now, even though I am alone, I don't want to bury the memories, I don't want to erase our footprint on the sand...

Why we don't let those nights answer all the questions, why we don't let those night which determined our future....

The Sea....always makes me don't want to go home, with or without someone else, with or without a lover, with or without any prominence, with or without  any reason.....

why I'm here now? for the sea or for the lost love?.....the answer away by the waves towards your place ...I don't know where.....

yes, my name is Tari and this is a piece of my story...

don't judged me,

because of love never knock first before coming,

and it touches everyone without knowing how hard it can be for them

Ps: this story is fiction, based on the writer imagination :-)

Ask the meaning of freedom in a herd of wild horses

Their muscles are sturdy due to their love of running, not because of an easy task like a pet horse.

They dwell in natural enclosure, not in a cage made of boards and tiles....there is love on their back, not the saddle that is dressed by force..

They have beautiful life in free will, They can go wherever their heart takes them, today go to the prairie, tomorrow to the valley, and the day after tomorrow may be to the mountain.........No confusion and also no vacillating.

They never have hesitancy because they always know what they really wanted, believing what in voting.

They run lightly because there are no burdens on their back, there are no loads riding.

They believe, Fatigue will be more than double if they are  forced and be induced, time will choke if they are confined, and they conscience will die if they are castrated.

Run in the freedom of the herd of wild horses!!!!!!

only in that way we are capable of enslaving time, catapulted our quality...... in this life that we only have once.....

Run in the freedom of the herd of wild horses!!!!!!

Be whatever you wanna be, feel the highest achievement as a human being created more perfect than the other creatures in this universe....

Run in the freedom of the herd of wild horses!!!!!!

until your feet no longer refute your body, and your soul departs from the place where it belonged, and the eternity with you in an extremely long sleep....

until your voice is no longer heard, and your dream no longer exists, only your spirit stays alive among the loved ones.

before it comes.......

keep running in the freedom of the herd of wild horses!!!!

and grasp your dream whatever it is.......

Now it is 1.30 am at your place,

Your face must be on your pillow, your thick hair must be piled up on the right side,

because you always sleep with your face down to the left, your hands always getting hold of, what is it you are looking for under the pillow?

I want to steal your time, sequester your attention, solely so I can get twisted into the fold of the sheets where your body is lying.

It has been three years .....28 months multiplied by 24 multiplied by 60 multiplied 60 multiplied 60 and I bet you the result will approximately 4.354.560.000

That's the number of millisecond since the first time I fell in love with you, the number could be more fantastic if you count it in nano scale, just check it if you don't trust me :-)))

and I dare to guarantee you are still there in every second and again and again....and again

But please understand me, this story  is not intended to seduce you. Honesty is like an over color makeup, unimaginable to add it again with seduction. Those billions number was a mathematics fact. empirical, who says that love can not be logic. love can be extended dimensional figures and flavors at once....hmmmmmm new perspective huh???

-------

Now 2.30 am at your place,

time flies, Ive been here for an hour and still feel like I just came in, an hour will credit 216.000 millisecond on my time account, thank you I become richer,

I wish I could add Rupiah or Dollar or euro behind those numbers, but you are priceless, you are everything ...

I never  know who is in your bed, I've never been there, maybe only pillows and bolsters, sometimes inanimate object get what we want most and we are not able to compete with it.

I envy your pajamas, your towel, and your bolster.....enough...stop I cant continue imagine it, how do we feel being hug without pretension? that's heaven....and people has to give a huge effort to get it, life is like a journey around the Sinai desert, we are not allowed to walk straight and easy to get the promising land.

Now give me permission to get sleep, to catch you up to an abstract world where everything can be met, be sure you are there don't wake up bacause of nightmare, wait for me....

there are so much things I wanna talk about, we can do everything right? but if I could choose, I will choose one thing: I want to have a dream,sleep beside you and my hand under the pillow where your hands always getting hold off...because nothing is more wonderful than love of a couple in the morning, with oily face, smell of their sweat, bed breath, messy hair and awful face..they still dare to say "good morning love" to each other...........

this story come from undeeply observation about virtual world,many interviews with the vampire and this is the weakest conclusion That I got, enjoy it, I have no bad intention only fun conclusion, please don't get offended ......Peace on earth!!!!!!

In silence,

I sat on a bench in the empty park

cloudy sky, gloomy morning, drizzle promising magical atmosphere

lonely feeling, 

This is the same dull bench, same park, when we met each other on the first date. 

I remembered the smile in your eyes, when we walked into this park.. it was a great rendezvous, It was my idea to create an unusual date for you, I wanted to impress you, I wanted you feel that I was different from other guys whom you ever known in your life.

And here I am, on the same dull bench, same park, when we met each other on the first date. 

Contemplate the purple twilight, stare the color of the sky changed slowly......watch the darkening light and again.... feel so lonely

Through your eyes, I could found everything I need, love and passion, togetherness, freedom, happiness, like a journey to the end of the rainbow, you were my fantasy world, you set me free in your world...

And now, here I am, on the same dull bench, same park, when we met each other on the first date.

remembering the moment when we were together, remembering the last time you said good bye and flew to the heaven,

and I released my grip on you without any strength.....

Sometimes I have to go back to my real life, in that time I missed your eyes so much, 

reality always throwing us to the hardest part that we never wanted to feel, and its irresistible

And again now, here I am, on the same dull bench, same park, when we met each other on the first date...

The park still the same, the bench is still there, one thing is changing, there is no one besides me, no smile like an angel,  no more journey to the end of the rainbow....

all of the great memories already in my heart..

and on that dull bench we left our love, 

now I'm walking through the park, left all of the great memories, never looking back, 

keep wishing I will find another park with another bench to share with.

trying to keep smile on my face, accepting my destiny,and keeping my chin up.

and now, I left the dull bench behind, I won't forget you but I have to release myself and continue life....

My life is brilliant
My love is pure
(James blunt---your beautiful)
Nice song, but I really like that words in the song
Its sounds optimistic words
Brilliant life......
What is that mean?
Is it a life which full of nice and good things?
Oowh what a life!!
For a second I think life like that is brilliant, just for a second.....when I am re-thinking about it I found something that's not right.
brilliant life is a life with complete package...lol what kind of life is that?
A Life which full of surprises, and will make your heart beating faster when you are excited and going slow when you feel sad and lonely...
Life which make you can feel both side of story, good times and bad times, good luck and bad luck, love and broken heart, hate and affection, truth and lie, laugh and cry, crowd and lonely, beautiful and ugly, sad and happy,
making some mistakes and try to find away to fix it.
That's a brilliant life, that's a perfecto
Because if life is full of good and nice thing it would not be great, life is never flat, up and down like a wave on the sea
When we found ourselves in a bad situation,.... believe, that it will turn out into a good situation at the next time, because that's the life rules
Like day and night has their own time to show up.
Bad and good time can not be in your life in the same time, after bad time there's always be a Good time
There is a rainbow after the rain
Oh my God I am in a very optimistic mood now, writing this story like a wise person
I have to keep it as long as I can, before the mood turn into the bad one
Oowh I can not guarantee myself from changing mood, so just enjoy reading,you all can add this story by putting your nice comment,or your not nice comment lol
I would be glad if you give me corrections

My life is brilliant.....
My love is pure.....

God, just you and me in the middle of the night,

I want to see you tonight just the two of us, talking....

I want to have a chat with You, many things I wanna share .....

God : how are you Ratu?

Me : not bad

God : oh many things on your mind Ratu,

Me : I bet you've already known

God : yeah I know everything even though you hide it in the deepest place of your heart.

Me : yes you always know, so you know what will we talking about tonight?

God : sure, but you have to tell me with your own version

Me : ok, I have many things to ask and to share, but tonight only one thing I wanna talk to you, about hard time in life

God : so hard topic Ratu

Me : yes for me,I want to know why people have to face hard time in life, sometimes I saw people crying because of loosing someone they really love.the pain stay long and really hard to get away from it.

God : I know Ratu

Me. : why people have to face a hard time?

God : to make them strong, cuz I created world as a place for people to get their exam, only the best will survive

Me  : what if they can not get rid of it?

God : they will, I never give an exam that human can not bear.

Me  : is that easy to answer it?

God  : yes Ratu

Me  : is there any second chance for the failed one?

God  : there are many choices in life Ratu, people have to be wise to choose...

Me  : yes, many choices...could you help them to choose the best?

God : Ofcourse Ratu, if they ask for it

Me  : to whom?

God  : talk to me, ask and I will give them the best choice to choose

Me  : how do they find you to ask?

God : chat with me like you do, ask, if you take one step close to me I will be a hundreds steps closer to you.

Me  : Oh My God, can I hug you, cry on your shoulder, complaining about life, about my bad day, about everything which burden my step?

God  : Sure Ratu, anything for you, just say it I'm all ears..I will not brake my promise, you can always count on me :-))

Me  : Thank God, oowh its late now, I am so sleepy, can we talk some other time?

God : anytime Ratu, I will be there if you need me, everywhere you are just message me, I will come online for You...

Me  : I know, You will be around, thank you, bye for now

God: bye Ratu, just take a step close to me and I will be a hundreds step closer to you..sleep well, bye

-------------God sign out and can't receive instant messages-----------

That's Cool!!!!!! I feel a little burden lifted up from my shoulder, I will smile and cheer up my life, no more sorrow, because I know I can always count on HIM....

I know YOU will never ignore me, YOU will not break your promise....

I know where to find YOU when I want to talk about how life treats me, about everything which bothering my day, about my bad and good luck..

I know where to come, when my tears fell down from my eyes like a waterfalls hit the rock, when silent become a torture, when I can not find a place to complain, I will give YOU my message and I will chat with you in the middle of the night....

Just YOU and me,

Friendship is like a cocoon, switch the caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly

I found it in you, I found a different kind of love, unconditional, so pure, not demanding, no such an obligation to do or not to do something, all are flowing like a water in the river...

I found a place to share laughs, anger, happiness, silliness, disappointment, sadness, stupidity, secret of the secret that I won't share to others

and nowadays you drink all my tears, you swallow all my sad words, I don't know where do you vomit it I don't really know, all I know is you are still hang on here...ooowh what a wonderful moment dear!!!!!

You always find out the truth before I told you....and always there even though I closed my door, I was sorry for that

I have no worries cuz I know all of my story will flow with the water to the estuary and will mix to the sea water.... 

cuz I know you are a good listener and trusted Sistah......

Just want to say I love you so much, I really appreciate everything you did to me, trough my hard time and being with me always....

You are not virtual, you are more than real, always there 24/7 for me..always answer my S.O.S you are my private 911 lol

Thanks my sistah, ......my BFF...

Do you know how it feels.....when a half of your soul is fly away?

Do you know how it feels......when you realize you don't have any chance to see them anymore?

I know how it feels, ....Believe me it's more than the deepest sorrow, beyond your imagination,

No words in this world are enough to describe it.
Tears drop like a river in the rain season,
Stinging,

Believe me, I know how it feels....
It is like drowning in a deep river, Dark, sinking further and further away..
I know how it feels...
It is like You want to go with them, buried, in the same graveyard, hug them in the eternal place...

Believe me, I know how it feels,
When you saw his eyes suddenly close, his mouth silent forever, no more words...
When his cold hands couldn't hug you ...his warm lips couldn't kiss you anymore..

Believe me I know how it feels.....
The deepest longing That can not Be accomplished...
I lost a half of my soul, my true love, my soulmate.

Believe me, I really know how it feels.....
in the middle of the night, when darkness hugs so tight, my eyes still dry,....
Imagine you are alone in your grave..my tears drop,
if scream could make you back to me I will scream as loud as I can, but I know, your time is up and nothing can change it.

I love you more than anything but Allah loves you more
Every living thing would die, Nothing is eternal in this world
Only my prayers, accompany your long sleep, May Allah forgive all your mistakes during life

Goodbye love,
Our plan might be good, but Allah know the best for us
I love you and I know for sure you love me too
Pray, the one and only way to hug you from afar....

I want

I want to love you simply
In words not spoken:
Tinder to the flame which transforms it to ash

I want to love you simply
In signs not expressed:
Clouds to the rain which make them evanesce

Therefore hot midday, the sun seemed to be exactly on the top of the crown, sweating profusely...

My step rushed towards the tent stalls alongside water channel that emit the odor, my eyes search for open seat available.

Ahaa one seat near the tree, I took the empty seat and sat before order a cup of coffee.

I wanted to tell you the story about this tent stall, and why I came here regularly.

Supposedly, before this tent stall stand, Mr.Kusno, the owner is a famous barista  in a posh cafe that sell a cup of coffee at a price beyond the reach of common sense, His skills hand, blended the coffee and made it a very different flavor, the cafe was  so famous because of Him, and he becomes a favorite barista.

He was very proud of himself, every time he created a new variant of coffee, people like it, and they will come to taste it...

He was crazy to create many more new variant, and, as usual, people crazy to tasted it...praised his creation, until at some point He got bored, He didn't find any challenge, because He knew whatever he made people will like it, not because of the taste, but people felt they were out of date if they didn't know about it, coffee become just a lifestyle and has no meaning 

He really loves coffee, and when it lose the meaning He felt so empty

For Him Offering coffee is basic client service, but how you serve that coffee says a lot about your firm.

and he lost it, coffee was not giving his customer satisfaction, its only lifestyle....

And he decided to give himself the slip from stuck feeling, he left high on the hog and find his own satisfaction...

He wanted to start from the beginning, to make a coffee not just a lifestyle for fancy people, He wanted to serve coffee for friendship.

He wanted to finding his feet, to give love for what his doing, to serve a coffee with his heart

Ans the tent stall stands, with a dull chairs and table, no air condition, no fancy customer, no more fragrant Perfumes.....no more expensive coffee, only daily chatter in between cups of coffee

He felt something was missing in the posh cafe where he work, now slowly achieved back

He could see people happy with a cup of coffee, come again not only for a coffee, they come as a friend, with daily conversation about life, family, work, sometimes religion, politics and also love.....

Warm feeling filled his heart, give satisfaction that can not be exchanged for cash......

------- 

A cup a coffee now is a story about life, about the relationship between humans...and now Mr. Kusno added his heart to every cup of coffee he served.

----------- 

 To my best friend Mr. Kusno, Thanks a billion, your story about coffee touch my heart, even though I'm not drinking coffee I got the essence through your story....

"Tell me about loyalty....",

And.... He told me about a pair of shoe

"Did you ever seen shoes betrayed each other?"

I was laughing out loud, so strange analogy

"why you give me these shoes story? I want true amazing story about loyalty"

and he started his story about a pair of shoe

"have you ever seen shoes changing their partner?"

Crazy question, of course not, cos they can't do that'

They were meant to be, from the first time they met each other they were couple, and they promised to spend their life together until the end of their time

they were not envy the younger, because they have each other.

they  felt so weird if someone put right them on the wrong side.

They were never changing their place, left always be on the left and right always be on the right, they are happy to be that way

that's true loyalty......

human can't be that way, human are complicated, loyalty only for inanimate objects, I guess 

But.....this is the big But...

We can learn from inanimate objects also,the loyalty is accept something or someone wholeheartedly...

sounds hard, but not impossible to do...just imagine we are shoes :-))))