ESL Blogs

I rejected aggrieved,

because I thought I deserve happiness

I refused wounded, 

because I thought I deserve healed

I have counted all the bad things and forgot almost all the good things

easily.....

I found Her, sit on the corner of this gaudy cafe, fancy clothes, expensive bag, elegant shoes, luxury perfume, hmmm She wore almost two months of my salary for this presence....

She was smiling, looked bitter on her sophisticated face, waved her hands like a master order their minion to come. I just smiled at her and realized she never changed.

I was gazing at her eyes and found a deep sorrow, I knew she asked me to come for this reason.

Let me tell you who are these awesome women who sat in front of me......

She was a queen of my heart, my a half-life, the one whom I shared my joy, my jubilance. till she decided to choose luxury than love. 

She threw me into the deepest mourning, and I have woken up from that after years.

" money can not buy a happiness....." She said. 

I heard her deep breath, her eyes were looking somewhere....empty.....

I was silent, even  in my mind I wanted to say something rude to make her realized that She said no happiness without money a few years back.

revenge is always as sweet as sugar.....but I did not want to do it, because sugar causes diabetic, and I don't want to get that LOL....

" At least you can buy a food with that" I tried to break the ice.

" yeah, but no food for your soul" her voice sounds weak.

And then the stories  flowing smoothly as river water from upstream to downstream.

The story about anxiety,insecurity,faithless,painfulness,unlucky feelings,these causes ungratefully.

I rejected difficulties because

I thought I deserve ease

I refused hardship because

I thought I deserve favor

I have counted all the misfortune and forgot almost all the satisfaction easily.....

I saw tears on her eyes, but I couldnt replace with smile,because life is 
only about choises and she took hers already.

Happiness is simply, but she chooses not to see.

Trampled away from the gaudy cafe, she tried to smile but failed, I let her away while continuing to pray for the best. 

I rejected loss because

I thought I deserve benefit

I treated God as a business partner

once I invested my kindness

I thought I deserve profit

I have counted all the torrent and forgot almost all the triumphs  easily.....

I walked away, tried to calm down....

I saw myself while seeing her. she looked like my reflection...how fragile we are as a human being, how susceptible we are while accept suffering...

How forgetful we are while receiving all the good things in life...

Tears flowing,I realized how often I forget to be grateful for all I gained. Keep chasing something bigger , a lot more and I slipped off all I held .