ESL Blogs

"Is everything going okay with you there?"

I couldn't believe myself asking such a question... I just wanted to hear that you were suffering a lot.

I could not believe myself pretending like an angel in front of you and hold my devil side so good inside of me.

smiling like an innocent kid while crying so loud in silent.

I am jealous......

Jealous of everything around you. Jealous of the way that you're happy without me.

I am suffering because of it, hurting so bad, and just wanted to curse my bad luck.

"Is everything going okay with you there?"

Fake smile, trying hard to hold the tears from my hurting eyes.......I couldn't believe that I could be an amazing actor like this.

I just wanted to hear that you wanted to hold me back and stayed with me and choose me instead of other.

I am jealous......

Jealous of the smile that comes from the lips to other direction.

Jealous of the love that you have shared to another heart.

Jealousy brought me to the deepest mourning ever, throw me to the longest sorrow.

Even me, myself never ever imagined this before.

"Is everything going okay with you there?"

I knew this question hurts me a lot, but still,  I asked.

I just wanted to know how strong my heart to accept the failure. 

to tested how invulnerable my feeling towards you.

" I am far from okay, but I will survive," He said

I won but lose...

defeated by my own heart, deceived by my own feeling

sank deeper and deeper, even worse...

"Is everything going ok with me here?".....

I am looking for the answer deep down in me...