Its 9 pm here in Australia. I am alone in the room and typing these things on my mobile while laying down on sofa in living room. Its dark here all around.
It has been ages since i left writing on diary but few things are getting complicated for me these days.
Its all about my friend " Adeas ". Adeas and i, are working in same company and same department with me. She is acting very strangely these days. I mean '' she was cheerful, happy and smiley just few weeks before. And now, the girl, who didn't care about fashion-trend, and always seen with light makeup with normal dress and pure smile on the face, in office, parties, ceremonies or functions. Now she has started putting heavy makeups, lipsticks, and fashion dress on ordinary working days.
Its all good for her and i am not jealous, but something is no right. When she smile, her eyes are not synchronized with her lips. The pile of files getting bigger on her table with passing time. I saw her few times sitting and staring on monitor, placing her hand on keyboard and doing nothing.
Her marriage has been for five years. She is going to be blessed with twin-baby very soon. Her 6th anniversary is coming. Everything looks perfect.
But there is something she is hiding from everyone. I already asked her if everything is alright?. I really want to help my friend. I am her best friend and she is my best friend too. But I dont know whats going on in her life.

[3-4 days later]

Ok.... So, when we were coming from work on a taxi, Adeas asked me a question today. 

Adeas: A friend of mine, is married for few years now. And now she think that her husband is cheating on her. So, she asked me advice or suggestion regarding '' cheating of her husband'' but i am not very experienced person. My husband is not cheating on me. He is very loyal to me. I love him very much. So i am asking you, what your opinion or suggestion for her. What do you think what she should do?

I didnt say anything at that time in the taxi but now i know whats wrong in her life. And i really dont know the solution. I never thought of possibilities of this situation to come true in my life. 
I spend a sleepless-night that night. Her question brought so many other questions for me.
Why her husband cheating on her? What was missing from his life that he felt to cheat on his wife?
What cheating really MEAN for a couple?
'' cheating '' Is enough to end a long and happy of relationship?
What are the reasons that has or have brought their relationship to this stage?
And so on...
I am very scared, very scared from the day when Adeas will talk with her husband about this. What and which kind of discussion would they will have. I am scared. I dont want to think about the end. 

Namatullah.

It was late night, we were at bar and the bar was about to be closed in an hour.
It was our very fist meeting when i saw him drinking alone. We became friend within few mints.
After about 10 mints of talking and asking....he very easily start telling his story, may be because we were totally stranger. He was from another city.i mean he was originally from a another developing country. And now he lives in australia and work in a company. He came to my city for a business trip.

Me: uhhum... yea..(he was keep talking) uhumm...aha.... so thats your story..
He: yes, this is my story, and she is the only reason i came to australia.

Me: im sorry, but i must say, its very interesting. I mean, even though you liked her and she also liked you back. But now, time has changed, situation has changed, she has been married for five years now. And to be honest with you, i think its purely your fault that you took her word as her last decision and walked away.

I realized my mistake when his fascial expression changed with my words, he keep increasing his grip strength around glass as if he want to crush it with bear hand. And i was afraid that he will smash that glass on my head.
He: damn it, (with anger) i didn't walked away. I was fucking very young. I didn't know how things work in the world. I didn't walked away. I loved her. She is only option i have to live. its not about choice.

I tried to lower his anger and divert from this point, by asking...

Me: so what are you going to do now. Whats your plan?
He : plan? Its simple.. Now i have money, the power and strength to have her back.
Me: aaa..... (what???? Are f- going to kill her husband? ) and how you will get her back?
He: it is also very simple. Creat honey trap to lure her husband and keep making it till her husband become fully under my control. After collecting few evidence, i will start black mailing him and will make him do few more mistakes. Eventually mailing the all collected evidence to his wife. And Women cant tolerate a cheater husband. She will be free. And this time i will be there for her.

Me: ( oh God, at-least he is not going to kill him) IS IT FAIR?? You will destroy her marriage life.
He: No, i will not, take it as a test for her husband. And if he cheat then he doesn't deserve her.

Me: umm sounds good.. best of luck..

" Namatullah-sharifi "

You love someone else

Your moisty ticklish whisper near my ear
The dim, the slow, the low unheard of your voice i hear
As near as I could smell your dissolved scent in air
While struggle to pay attention with these distractions
Couldn't hear clearly but i know what you wanted to say,
You wanted to say that ' you love someone else 

"nemat"

O mother i am afraid to world i in lived

O mother! i am afraid to world i in lived

where wilds are hide behind the human mask

pearl roll over my check and call you with scream

you are the only, to whom something is my grief 

O mother, is it true or is it a nightmare

for them, love doesn't mean to take care

games of emotion in nights and lewdness

arid land of heart, starving to moist with tear

O mother! miss you, a world without you

like a morning without sun, wind and cool dew

colorless dreams, sour meals and a vacuum inside me

mom. my little finger bleeds, come i want make you see.

really miss you. may Allah save my mother till i am alive. because i can't live without her.

composed by Nemat

Friend: i will no let him go like this.. just wait and watch.. what i will do with him.. he will pay for this.. 

( There was no one in restaurant except those couple, sitting a few miter away on another table. My friend was smocking heavily, smoke all around.it was Afternoon around 5 pm in the restaurant, a little dark around bcz it was sunset time)

Friend: Hey are you listening, what i am talking about? or i am talking with my self. (shacking my should)

i was staring on my mug which was filled with black coffee, touching the edges of mug with my finger, deeply thinking about past. 

Friend: if i would get chance and if God give a chance and forgiveness for one murder.. i choose him to kill and would drink his blood.

( the couple was astonishing, and watching us after every short period)

Friend :  hey! if you would get a chance from God to kill someone, who is the one which you want to kill? hey.. i talking with you..

I : " then I would like to kill my self " ... (in serious mood) the couple became silent and turned their head toward us. My friend stopped smoking, taking out cigar from his mouth and put in cigar put.

Friend : really? are you kidding me.... but why? what is the reason? are you in your sense? 

a waitress appread, she has a long black hear. and her hair disppered on one side of his face like a sun hiding behind clouds and few rays penetrating it. so beautiful she was

waitress: i am really sorry, today we close the restaurant earlier..

my friend got an excuse to talk with her

Friend :  Hey.. really! what's special today! is it your birthday? 

waitress smiled and replied no..but today is . . . 

I stand and walk toward door, stand near exit door, took our a cigar, holding between my finger to mouth and hold between lips with little pressure and with lighter with both hand fire it.

after few moment, my friend came to me and aske again.. " you din't answer me " what is the reason, he was still amazed

at same time, the couple came near exit door, the girl with that boy passed a glanced at me with fear. suddenly she hold her bf's wring around his arm. and went away.

i throw my ciggrate away..left my coffee as it was behind me on table..

      The invention of Radio and TV were as big as the invention of Computer for us. As the computer changed our lifestyle, same Radio and TV did to the people of that time. At that time, people step by step developed a habit of “only listening and watching” without reacting and expressing their view. The graph of gathering descended, and the interaction decreased. These things create a space among people in same town. With time, the habit of listening and watching create a vacuum for expressing of view, describing the inner beauty, conveying your message which they can’t while watching TV or listening Radio. Listening and understanding can’t describe someone but replying and exploring your taught by words. Near people, its more important “how you express your love” than “how much you love”.
      But the people of that tine wasn’t so much busy with their work or jobs. In free time they would talk and aware the daily problems and situation of one another, they would appreciate the help and shows the inner beauty by helping, they debate on issues in dinner , lunch or in any ceremony. In short they have many ways to explore express and erase the vacuum.
      Present situation is quite different from that time. Firstly we are so busy with our works and secondly the invention of computer made it worst for us. We didn’t talk much with each other, even with family member, firstly we usually do not gather on dinner table, if do so then we did n’t talk to much. This alienation snatches our kindness love and sympathy.
      These blogs are excellent way to reduce you stress, to say whatever you want, to try your best to describe yourself, to speak you have the right, to react on things as it is universal law, to divide sadness and multiple the happiness, to animate the past days, to review your blogs and laugh at your mistakes, and to learn no matter how many “ LIKES “ and “ COMMENT “ you will get.

Short Romantic Story

After returning from marriage party, I enter into room and did not switch on the light, Feeling so tired even can’t stand on my feet. The window was opened and the wind was dandling the window scarves in the air. I close the window and lock it. I return with hobbling steps toward sofa. I was surrounded by darkness and with pin drop silence but still sky-lighting produces a sound and flashes. Still strong sound was coming from outside, due to wind while passing through trees.
Tonight, I lost my Heart, my breath, my aim of life. I lost my self. I was surrounded by darkness and loneliness. There was pin drop silence in the room and coming lighting sound from outside. I use my lighter to lighting the red candle and placed it near myself on table. After staring for about 10 minute at candle’s flame, I took my dairy from drawer, passes its pages insanely to find something, at last I got her picture between the pages.  I was feeling so weak and tire, I lay down on sofa holding my dairy in one hand and her picture in another hand. Start reading roughly, the noble and pleasant moment written in dairy, My weakness, tiredness, loneliness animate my past, (reading)   “Today, I told her how much I love her “. On other page “Today, I hold her hand and walk on with sea shore for 10 minutes. I live my whole life in this 10 minutes. “ changing page “ today I am so Happy, I don’t how to express it. I will die from happiness. God gave me the control of whole universe, made me the king. Because when I ask her that “how much you love me, She replied “ more than the star in the sky at night, more than drops in the sea”. she came closer , putting her hand on my face and caress my cheek with her thumb and said “ see in my eyes and look inside me , you will find yourself,  I am not there, because my whole existence is filled with you” , and kissed me… .My eye become moist and filled with tears

And now, my eye filled again with tears. Price-less memory. I cannot read further, tired, feeling the pain in my heart  and feeling like something stuck in my throat, cant swallow it neither vomiting.

 I closed my eye, holding her picture with my chest, and inhale deep breath.

Tomorrow morning,  my friends were carry the bier of my boy and start walking toward grave yard, toward last destination. I start new journey after life. When I was passing across her street, I saw her, sitting in decorated car and she was also starting a new life with her new life partner“.

#writer Nematullah. my first post