This essay is written by Gary Musa, one of my students in IV-Rizal Batch 2010." Medicine makes people ill, mathematics makes them sad and theology makes them sinful." - Martin LutherThe striking quotation above has nothing to do with my little business tonight. Oh, I really miss my blue ballpen which I love to use for it resembles a fountain pen and I feel I am Voltaire whenever I wield it like a sword everytime I write. So I end up using this black -inked titanium plastic cased 6.3- inch 30 -gram HBW ball-point pen. Ink molecules start to stick with paper molecules. Another compound is being formed. Papero- inko analgam.Perfect combination. Mental blocked. Empty...Here we go. Conclusion. Judgment. Verdict. Resolution. Determination. Result arrived at after consideration. Those are words I found in thesaurus synonymous to the word decision. I am still hollowing out the flesh in my very tapered skull to reminisce the memoirs; situations where I am dumbfounded because of deciding : the "I want to" and I should to" dilemma.I have really not yet made tough verdicts in my mortality existence. What underwear would I wear, thinking that one kilogram of cotton is much lighter than one kilogram of nails, resolving that Humpty Dumpty did come first before Big Bird and what corny text jokes should I distribute to my textmates are the happentances where I am fully stunned between two colliding rocks when it is my turn to choose. So shallow. Ironically, I feel that everyday is a choice. Waking up is already a selection wherein I am obliged to go to school. Passing this first journal in English on the exact day of submission is already a decision. I had always passed my outputs tardily before this first timely submission. Still shallow decisions have I made.There were phases in my life I thought that men were under control of inescapable events. I drew that we were all about what they called "destiny". The philosophy of fatalism acted upon me then, the belief that everything happens because it is ought to happen. I myself realized that choice is also a matter of chance. I saw decisions as mere products of destined life's episodes. In other plainspoken words, men choose because they are fated to choose.Like this instance, I have decided to write because I am destined to decide that I should write solemnly and so that's what I am doing right now. I genuinely believed that every "every" has its own predetermination. Another example, if I believe that life is a matter of choice and not chance, that anything happening to me is the consequences of my actions, then I have been destined to believe that life is not a matter of uncontrolled fate but an essence of the results of embraced endeavors. (I hope the readers did get the point of my message.) I viewed life's motif with my own comprehended perspective.I shall go back to the moment when I was perplexed about deciding. I can deduce the synopsis of my all-over decisions that I have brought into my life and that was having two options: stupidity or wisdom. I do hope that stupids are not destined to burn in hell. Obviously, I did not choose the latter in my options.I have observed that anyone becomes indignant whenever he or she is called stupid, fool, moron, imbecile, feeble minded etc. Nevertheless, I had had 101 justifications why I, who am a weakling chose stupidity which a mentally sound person, naturally, would not select (but not absolutely all). My first practical reason is that stupidity (or feeling like stupid rather) was giving me definite remedy everytime I make a mistake. Whenever I commit a foolish blunder. I would only tell myself "It is alright, anyway I am stupid" that was how stupidity reigned in my march toward life. Knowing that I was stupid gave me a tranquilizing peace of mind so I did not need to worry about the aftermath of the sick excursions of my human subsistence.
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This is an essay written by one of my students.At last the half-heaven and half-hell season is just a magical prelude to the climax of our suspenseful tale. An end of bitter pasts of ex's, an end of high school crushes and an end of embarrassing scold such as "IV-Rizal, you never failed me. You never failed to disappoint me..." (Ouch!). Finally.. frustrations of teachers will finally come to a permanent stop. And surely I'll crave to replay this scene of my mortal existence.Time to say bye. To my foot socks, I wish you'll not again intrude me in my college life. I will not miss you anyway. To my Khaki-colored pants, I'll really miss you. Worry not, my brother will inherit you so we'll see each other someday. To my old notebooks and bag which have been a burden, for four years, it's our time to separate from each other. You have been there in times of happiness and in times of emptiness. May God bless you.I realized then that loneliness isn't a sign of a real hell rather of only one reason why I felt it - because of my weird pursuit to what I conceived the gate of happiness. Then I was wrong. I am the suspect for my own suicidal deeds. And the sole victim is myself.Finishing high school is one of the most exciting goals that everyone wants to achieve. Ironically, no one wants this brief shot to come to a not delightful closing. Here in the four-cornered room, one has learned that he is not alone; friends are there 'coz it's hard to stand only on own. Courtship avails, even one fails, it's not yet the end of the tale. It's verily hard to accept the oozing truth of undetermined future after of our semi-ultimate farewell to each one. And an unforgettable Adios to my all high school professors who tried their best to cut the parasitic slender horns of Rizal. I always told myself that I will not feel the loss this such phase of life. But I was wrong. I feel emotional heaviness whilst I write this time. Very little tears in every corner of my eyes. Mayhap I am still a human possessing a human heart and bounded by mortal feelings. I always did tell myself that my high school life would be oblivious; I will forget sooner or later because of the scornful scenarios I experienced within it. Luckily, I am still realizing that friends and classmates are important not concerning only about academics (wherein mutualism and parasitism are notable) but making me complete as a student. I have also found the keys I needed in unlocking the mystery within my inside.Due to the experiments I've made, I got lost in my twilight in inner self. There's still a new moon lingering ahead, I believe. For the reason that everybody has his/her awaited breaking dawn, so he/she must stay strong until the midnight sun arise. I have always told myself (It's constant to me anyway) that I am not egotistic; I am not conceited; I am not selfish but people around me always thought that I am. I consistently hid my longings inside and just kepton paying outside, just paid attention then solemnly evaluated all of it in my cold dark room. Solemnly talking to myself. I was not weirdly uttering words, just pondering upon my insights while lying alone with my head on the phone thinking of it 'til it hurts. Truly, my adolescence has been boring? adventurous? serious? full of gags? exciting? unpredictable? old story? or what else? Or I just published a controversial story, a story no director, scriptwriter and actor with the exception of me. A story which I am not even sure when did it begin and where did it occur; a story which I don't know when to close it's curtain...All goodbyes are farewell, but not all farewell are goodbyes. (Hu hu hu hu >< ) We age. Everyone does. We change. But not everybody wants to. Sayin our last bye-bye's means saying that "next level is ahead. There must be at least a change." Change in looks is constant. Change in habit is common. Change in attitude is somehow rare. And the thing we breathe? Still air. The world does not change but changing our reaction to the world is reasonably close to a giant possibility. We have the freedom of choosing what to act; yet no theory has been set out that eventuality of embracing the wanted consequences of our doings. Bye is as permanent as change, a philosophical dissertation which requires no profound and explicit explanation. Nothing lasts. High school is a mere resting place and learning phase. It's not yet the most thrilling chapter of everybody's owned novel... just a foreword...a dedication...an introductory word about how beautiful your novel is..
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This is an essay written by one of my students.At last the half-heaven and half-hell season is just a magical prelude to the climax of our suspenseful tale. An end of bitter pasts of ex's, an end of high school crushes and an end of embarrassing scold such as "IV-Rizal, you never failed me. You never failed to disappoint me..." (Ouch!). Finally.. frustrations of teachers will finally come to a permanent stop. And surely I'll crave to replay this scene of my mortal existence.Time to say bye. To my foot socks, I wish you'll not again intrude me in my college life. I will not miss you anyway. To my Khaki-colored pants, I'll really miss you. Worry not, my brother will inherit you so we'll see each other someday. To my old notebooks and bag which have been a burden, for four years, it's our time to separate from each other. You have been there in times of happiness and in times of emptiness. May God bless you.I realized then that loneliness isn't a sign of a real hell rather of only one reason why I felt it - because of my weird pursuit to what I conceived the gate of happiness. Then I was wrong. I am the suspect for my own suicidal deeds. And the sole victim is myself.Finishing high school is one of the most exciting goals that everyone wants to achieve. Ironically, no one wants this brief shot to come to a not delightful closing. Here in the four-cornered room, one has learned that he is not alone; friends are there 'coz it's hard to stand only on own. Courtship avails, even one fails, it's not yet the end of the tale. It's verily hard to accept the oozing truth of undetermined future after of our semi-ultimate farewell to each one. And an unforgettable Adios to my all high school professors who tried their best to cut the parasitic slender horns of Rizal. I always told myself that I will not feel the loss this such phase of life. But I was wrong. I feel emotional heaviness whilst I write this time. Very little tears in every corner of my eyes. Mayhap I am still a human possessing a human heart and bounded by mortal feelings. I always did tell myself that my high school life would be oblivious; I will forget sooner or later because of the scornful scenarios I experienced within it. Luckily, I am still realizing that friends and classmates are important not concerning only about academics (wherein mutualism and parasitism are notable) but making me complete as a student. I have also found the keys I needed in unlocking the mystery within my inside.Due to the experiments I've made, I got lost in my twilight in inner self. There's still a new moon lingering ahead, I believe. For the reason that everybody has his/her awaited breaking dawn, so he/she must stay strong until the midnight sun arise. I have always told myself (It's constant to me anyway) that I am not egotistic; I am not conceited; I am not selfish but people around me always thought that I am. I consistently hid my longings inside and just kepton paying outside, just paid attention then solemnly evaluated all of it in my cold dark room. Solemnly talking to myself. I was not weirdly uttering words, just pondering upon my insights while lying alone with my head on the phone thinking of it 'til it hurts. Truly, my adolescence has been boring? adventurous? serious? full of gags? exciting? unpredictable? old story? or what else? Or I just published a controversial story, a story no director, scriptwriter and actor with the exception of me. A story which I am not even sure when did it begin and where did it occur; a story which I don't know when to close it's curtain...All goodbyes are farewell, but not all farewell are goodbyes. (Hu hu hu hu >< ) We age. Everyone does. We change. But not everybody wants to. Sayin our last bye-bye's means saying that "next level is ahead. There must be at least a change." Change in looks is constant. Change in habit is common. Change in attitude is somehow rare. And the thing we breathe? Still air. The world does not change but changing our reaction to the world is reasonably close to a giant possibility. We have the freedom of choosing what to act; yet no theory has been set out that eventuality of embracing the wanted consequences of our doings. Bye is as permanent as change, a philosophical dissertation which requires no profound and explicit explanation. Nothing lasts. High school is a mere resting place and learning phase. It's not yet the most thrilling chapter of everybody's owned novel... just a foreword...a dedication...an introductory word about how beautiful your novel is..
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