This essay is written by Gary Musa, one of my students in IV-Rizal Batch 2010." Medicine makes people ill, mathematics makes them sad and theology makes them sinful." - Martin LutherThe striking quotation above has nothing to do with my little business tonight. Oh, I really miss my blue ballpen which I love to use for it resembles a fountain pen and I feel I am Voltaire whenever I wield it like a sword everytime I write. So I end up using this black -inked titanium plastic cased 6.3- inch 30 -gram HBW ball-point pen. Ink molecules start to stick with paper molecules. Another compound is being formed. Papero- inko analgam.Perfect combination. Mental blocked. Empty...Here we go. Conclusion. Judgment. Verdict. Resolution. Determination. Result arrived at after consideration. Those are words I found in thesaurus synonymous to the word decision. I am still hollowing out the flesh in my very tapered skull to reminisce the memoirs; situations where I am dumbfounded because of deciding : the "I want to" and I should to" dilemma.I have really not yet made tough verdicts in my mortality existence. What underwear would I wear, thinking that one kilogram of cotton is much lighter than one kilogram of nails, resolving that Humpty Dumpty did come first before Big Bird and what corny text jokes should I distribute to my textmates are the happentances where I am fully stunned between two colliding rocks when it is my turn to choose. So shallow. Ironically, I feel that everyday is a choice. Waking up is already a selection wherein I am obliged to go to school. Passing this first journal in English on the exact day of submission is already a decision. I had always passed my outputs tardily before this first timely submission. Still shallow decisions have I made.There were phases in my life I thought that men were under control of inescapable events. I drew that we were all about what they called "destiny". The philosophy of fatalism acted upon me then, the belief that everything happens because it is ought to happen. I myself realized that choice is also a matter of chance. I saw decisions as mere products of destined life's episodes. In other plainspoken words, men choose because they are fated to choose.Like this instance, I have decided to write because I am destined to decide that I should write solemnly and so that's what I am doing right now. I genuinely believed that every "every" has its own predetermination. Another example, if I believe that life is a matter of choice and not chance, that anything happening to me is the consequences of my actions, then I have been destined to believe that life is not a matter of uncontrolled fate but an essence of the results of embraced endeavors. (I hope the readers did get the point of my message.) I viewed life's motif with my own comprehended perspective.I shall go back to the moment when I was perplexed about deciding. I can deduce the synopsis of my all-over decisions that I have brought into my life and that was having two options: stupidity or wisdom. I do hope that stupids are not destined to burn in hell. Obviously, I did not choose the latter in my options.I have observed that anyone becomes indignant whenever he or she is called stupid, fool, moron, imbecile, feeble minded etc. Nevertheless, I had had 101 justifications why I, who am a weakling chose stupidity which a mentally sound person, naturally, would not select (but not absolutely all). My first practical reason is that stupidity (or feeling like stupid rather) was giving me definite remedy everytime I make a mistake. Whenever I commit a foolish blunder. I would only tell myself "It is alright, anyway I am stupid" that was how stupidity reigned in my march toward life. Knowing that I was stupid gave me a tranquilizing peace of mind so I did not need to worry about the aftermath of the sick excursions of my human subsistence.
Comments
Gary Musa is really great in expressing his thoughts. I really enjoyed following his flow of thinking.
Thank you for sharing, Ma'm Florence.