Hello everyone. Here I come with my new entry. It is an ARGUMENTATIVE essay. I also enclose an outline of this essay so that it will be easier for everyone to consult. Hope to see your comments as well as wonders.
I. Essay
With the growth of global integration, issue of traditional attitude has been considerably changing in Vietnam. One sign of this change is that nowadays many young adults seem to be open to premarital sex. In my opinion, having sexual intercourse before getting married is absolutely a bad tendency in our society.
First of all, having sex before getting married is against Vietnamese traditional values. In most cases, sexual relations between couples are only approved by the public after they officially get married. Simultaneously, other kinds of intercourse, including premarital sex, are considered immoral. Moreover, though we now approve of gender equality, women’s virginity is always treasured and regarded as one important requirement to a wife-to-be. Consequently, if a woman has sex before getting married, she may not receive respect from her husband as well as surrounding people.
Secondly, premarital sex can bring about some bad influence on people’s health. For instance, without using contraceptive devices, women may have pregnancy before getting married, which results in illegal abortion or child abandonment. Even when people use contraceptives, abuse will influence on women’s reproductive health considerably. Apart from that, people who have sex before marriage are at high risk of contracting sexually-transmitted diseases because they may not know their partners very well.
People who disagree with this proposal may argue that people have their personal freedom to choose whether they have sex before marriage or not. In other words, they are independent in choosing their own sexual behaviors. However, each individual lives in a community which has its own standard of morality, so what fields to apply their personal freedom on should be considered. If a person ignores morality to indulge themselves with their own freedom, they will hardly receive any approval from his or her community.
In general, premarital sex should be discouraged because of its bad influences on people as well as traditional culture. There should be more programs to help adults beware of the damaging effects of premarital sex on them. By doing that, we may somewhat help young people have healthy family lives in the future.
II. Outline
Introduction
1. Hook: With the growth of global integration, issue of traditional attitude has been considerably changing in Vietnam.
2. Background information: One sign of this change is that nowadays many young adults seem to be open to premarital sex.
3. Thesis statement: In my opinion, having sexual intercourse before getting married is absolutely a bad tendency in our society.
Body
1. Pro-argument 1: Premarital sex is against Vietnamese traditional values.
Support 1:
- Sexual relations between couple are only approved by the public after they get married. Other kinds of sex are considered immoral.
- Women’s virginity in marriage is always treasured. If a woman has sex before getting married, she will not receive respect from her husband as well as surrounding people.
2. Pro-argument 2: Premarital sex may bring some bad influence on people’s health.
Support 2:
- Women may have pregnancy before getting married, which results in illegal abortion or child abandonment.
- People who have sex before marriage are at high risk of contracting sexually-transmitted diseases because they may not thoroughly know the other.
3. Counter-argument: The opponents of this proposal may argue that people have their personal freedom to choose whether they have sex before marriage or not.
Refutation of counter-argument:
- Each individual lives in a community which has its own standard of morality.
- If a person ignores morality to indulge themselves with their personal freedom, they will hardly receive any approval from his community.
Conclusion
Replies
thank your share, MY~~ here is my consult, in fact, you have written a wonderful essay with nearly grammatical problem, hehe , please allow me to mark some nice sentences or usages in your article? hehe ,it will help me to learn and it's convenient for other people to learn with me ~~heehee.
With the growth of global integration, issue of traditional attitude has been considerably changing in Vietnam. (don't you think if use 'issues' as plural nouns will be better, you know, the attitudes we are changing now are too many)One sign of this change(changes) is that nowadays many young adults seem to be open to premarital sex. In my opinion, having sexual intercourse before getting married (getting marriage. 'married' is adj, can we use in this way' getting married')is absolutely a bad tendency in our society.
First of all, having sex before getting married is against Vietnamese traditional values. In most cases, sexual relations between couples are only approved by the public after they officially get married. Simultaneously, other kinds of intercourse, including premarital sex, are considered immoral. Moreover, though we now approve of gender equality, women’s virginity is always treasured and regarded as one important requirement to a wife-to-be(I like this sentence. by the way,fiancee, is a usual word). Consequently, if a woman has sex before getting married, she may not receive respect from her husband as well as surrounding people.
Secondly, premarital sex can bring about some bad influence on people’s health. For instance, without using contraceptive devices, women may have pregnancy before getting married, which results in illegal abortion or child abandonment. Even when people use contraceptives, abuse will influence on(influence is NOUN, it can be used as 'has a influence on, be in a influence on,its influence on' women’s reproductive health considerably.) Apart from that, people who have sex before marriage are at high risk of contracting sexually-transmitted diseases because they may not know their partners very well.
People who disagree with this proposal may argue that people have their personal freedom to choose whether they have sex before marriage or not. In other words, they are independent in choosing their own sexual behaviors. However, each individual lives in a community which has its own standard of morality, so what fields to apply their personal freedom on should be considered. If a person ignores morality to indulge themselves with their own freedom, they will hardly receive any approval from his or her community. ( indulge in )
In general, premarital sex should be discouraged because of its bad influences on people as well as traditional culture. There should be more programs to help adults beware of the damaging effects of premarital sex on them. By doing that, we may somewhat help young people have healthy family lives in the future.
thank you for your careful check and comment! i agree with you upon some points such as "issues" "fiance'e".
- As for "one sign of this change": the change in attitude, and 1 sign is a part of 1 change. so, it must be in singular form. usually, we use "one of Ns" to denote that 1 thing in 1 group (which include many things).
- "get married" is correct: we can use "be married"="get married"= "marry to" (get = to be: get tired, get fired...)
"marriage" is just a noun, so we can say, "have a marriage"
(you can look it up in Collocations Dictionary to make sure about what I said)
- "influence" is both Noun and Verb, so we can say, "it badly influences on me" or "it has a bad influence on me"
- "indulge oneself with something" - transitive verb
indulge in something - intransitive verb
Eg: I indulge myself with game online.
I indulge in game online
My sentence is wrong, but it is not wrong in the structure "indulge with" but in the word "themselves", "they"
If a person ignore morality to indulge himself with his own freedom, he will hardly receive any approval...
Once again, thank you for your reading. Hope to see more constructive comments from you.
- Too many words for me to understand all the essay ^^, I'll try it again.
- In my opinion, after married would be better, but the question is "can you wait?"
The truth is I am really bad at grammar :( It's difficult to learn
Hope that my dear teacher here can help me improve it :P