ESL Blogs

   I don’t know about you but I have one. She expresses that she has several problems when is going to talk in front of a group of people. I decided to make a blog about it according to my knowledge and invite her to read it. It will be so nice of you to read and share your experiences with us and add your suggestions to mine.

This is all I can do for you my friend, so I hope it can help you and make you happier ^_^

   I know that I’m not a shy person. I welcome new people and new opportunities to socialize, jump into conversations easily and am mostly the first one who introduces herself. But shy people are the opposite. They don’t feel at ease with themselves around others. They don’t join in a group activity and often prefer watching them before joining. They often hesitate before trying something new and about their skills as well. They are not sure about what to act, what will happen, what others will react or when eyes are on them. Therefore they feel insecure and bashful, nervous and  uncomfortable. Even sometimes they might feel speechless, breathless and blush. Like other emotions shyness differs in a great extent and can be mild, medium and intense. It depends on situations (such as speaking in front of a group or even the first day in a school bus). It differs from one person to another.

   Why are some people shy?

Genetic: some people are naturally shy and their genes determine these personality traits. Have you ever seen a little kid hiding his or her face from a stranger? In another side are kids who smile and kick at everyone even a stranger. But experiences also play role.

Experiences: even a person with shyness-causing genes, might not be shy in future, because he or she have not learnt it or have learnt how to overcome. Most shy people have learnt shyness and their experiences, parents, friends or teachers are the reasons. The experiences a person whether naturally shy or not have met, might teach him or her to back away from situations that might be uncomfortable or unfamiliar. So it can affect on their self-confidence and self-esteem.

    But shy people are not weak!

They have their own strength. Because they prefer listening to talking, they are really good listeners. They might also be sensitive to other people’s feelings. Because of their sensitiveness and being good listeners, shy people are mostly caring people and even might their friends consider them the finest friends.

   Do you have a shy friend?

If so, try to help him or her feel less nervous. Name calling and teasing will make people feel even      more shy so try not to do that. Even you can talk about the time you felt shy so he or she will understand that everyone feels so and it is not a big deal sometimes.

   Social anxiety

Sometimes shyness brings out social anxiety and it will interfere with your performance when you intend to speak in front of a group. However it’s also common to be a little nervous in these situations but sometimes some people become extremely nervous and even might wish they could disappear! They are suffering from social anxiety. Learning social skills such as introductions and making small talk and some techniques such as taking deep breath and relaxing shoulders and neck muscles will help to manage this anxiety. Here I have three steps to have a better social life for students:

   1- Introduce to someone who is sitting near you and ask about him or her opinion about the class  and assignment.

   2- Focus on the other person during a conversation, listen carefully and don’t forget positive feedbacks.

   3- Join clubs or groups you are interested in. focusing on a particular activity makes socially anxious students relax.

Any way it will help you to remember that:

   - Overcoming shyness needs practicing: the more you practice socializing, the easier it will seem to you.

   - Take slow steps forward: Going slow is ok but make sure you are going forward and are not stepping back.

   - It’s ok to feel awkward: If you are afraid of doing stuffs you want awkwardly, it’s ok to feel so, and everyone does sometimes. But again don’t let it make you go back. Go for them any way.

   - Know that you can do it: There are many naturally shy people who have learnt how to manage it. Believe in yourself and know that you can too.

Here I recommend some tips for overcoming shyness:

   1- Understand your shyness

   2- Recognize that the world is not looking at you. Besides, most people are too busy looking at themselves.

   3- Know that other people aren’t so different from you.they feel shy and nervous as well as you do.

   4- Find your strengths as I mentioned above.for example listening skills.so you will be able to cope with your wrong feelings about yourself.

   5- Learn to like yourself and don't let shyness make you blame yourself. Someone told this to me as: Go on a self-date!!!

   6- Understand that it is okay to be different.

   7- Rather than focusing on your awkwardness in social situations, focus on other people and don’t feel you need to qualify yourself.

   8- Release your anxiety through breath and movement. I’d read some techniques in a website many times ago and had saved them. The exact sentences are as fallows. 

• “One simple technique to calm this anxiety into manageable bites is taking deep breaths with your eyes closed, while concentrating on just your breath. Inhale and exhale slowly while clearing out all thoughts.
• Another technique is from yoga: counting as you inhale and then as you exhale. Slowly leveling out your inhale and exhale duration. Example, 4 count for in and 4 for out. Once your breaths are leveled, add an extra count during your exhale. This means slowing down your exhale by just a tad as compared to your inhale. Continue for a few minutes until you are comfortable, than add another count to your exhale. You can easily do this in the bathroom, or in a spare room of when you need it.”
• Exercises like jogging or walking will help to re-channel some of the blocked energies, but also helps by pulling you out of the situation and shifts your state of mind. This refreshed state of mind will help by adding perspectives to things.
• Another effective technique is a simple muscle meditation/exercise. Sit down or lie down. Bring awareness to every part of your body, starting from your toes and moving up your body to the top of your head. At every part of your body, tighten the muscles at the center of awareness for 3-5 seconds, and then relax. Repeat this until you get to the top of your head. Remember to breathe.

   9- Don't leave an uncomfortable situation. There is a worthy quote in my culture that says: If you are afraid of a situation or doing something special just fall yourself into it and force yourself to face it any way.this also a technique in psychology called "Flooding",but it mostly the last choice.

   10- Practice being in uncomfortable situations.

   11- Stop labeling yourself as a shy person.

   12- Seek and record your successes and learn from them.

   13- In conversations try to ask more and talk less. It will help you feel at ease with your partner.

After all I know this blog is too long but is made for helping. So I tried to write in details.

Thank you for your patience to read this long blogJ