This is the last latter to you...

First of all I appreciate that you finally told me the truth.

If you keep hiding from me I would be mad, because I can’t take it any more.

I Just feel like the last time you left me.

I hate the fact that you ignore me for so long, then you start talking to me like nothing happened.

I just wanted answers, and wanted solutions of what that had happened between us, because I do care for you. You will never know how I’m feeling…

Actually I knew that I am not the person whom you really cared about.

That’s what I feel sad. You must know this is the reason.

That time was so hard to make it through… but I did it.

I just found some reasons to convince myself.

Like… ‘You really care about me, just forgot to tell me what happened at the first moment even you borrowed a laptop from your friend   I know…’

‘Hope everything is fine with you… Please don’t let bad things happen to you…’

‘You will come back soon… I believe…’

See, you really came back.

And I also had made up my mind to be the person whom you love from the bottom of your heart one day.

But I didn’t expect that this day comes so sooner than that day… lol

I never thought it would end like this way.

You loved me truly, not more than one day, I assumed.

Even though you say you always love me more each day.

Being with you… I was beyond happy =]

But that means… This time obviously it will be too hard to make it through.

I was thinking that you would give me a reason to forgive you, rather than apologizing for what you did when I saw your reply last night.

But the apology makes me, who I always found reasons to convince myself, wake up.

When I read your message my feelings were getting hurt.

I needed to do something to distract me, but I couldn’t control my tears even though I’ve looked for something else to do.  In fact, I could feel that you don’t love me like you used to do after I came back from vacation. And when you came back from your vacation you never shared things with me. I could even feel that you’ve already gotten tired of talking to me, so that’s why I go to sleep early.

You said everything was a lot different after I got back from my vacation.  I was afraid of losing you, so I kept in touch with you then.

You said when you got back everything was even more different.  Everything has not changed, only you.

You said it was almost like we had nothing to say. That is because you’ve already gotten tired of talking and sharing things with me.

All the things you said aren't reasons, they're excuses.  You have no idea there are no excuses if you really love someone.

You hope we can still be friends, but I feel like you don’t even want to see me any more, do you?

You hope we can still talk sometimes, but I feel like you don’t even want to face me, do you?

I could see you don’t love me anymore. It’s ok. Don't you feel sorry, even if you met another girl.

Because it’s your choice, all I can do is respect you.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. =]

Anyway you should explain what exactly happened earlier, then you would not keep hiding from Skype because of me. Actually you are the first person I want to tell everything to, but you know some things are hard for me to say in English, and I always try my best to let you understand easily.

I also want to apologize for always replying to you so late. It is because I don’t want to make you feel confused with my wrong words.

Every day I keep learning more and more.  That’s because I want to be able to share more things with you.

Sorry that chatting with me has made you feel confused. Sorry for bring trouble to you. I feel really sorry for you.

I just want to be the reason you smile, but seems like it doesn’t work. I really, really want to let you know that I really, really love the way you smile at me, because it makes me smile. But I may never see your face again in the future.

Thank you for giving me the best 136 days of my life. It's the most wonderful gift you gave me. I just want to tell you I will be ok, so don’t worry about me, It might be you have never care about me at all. I can feel it. I can sense it.

I miss how we close used to be. I think about ‘us’ a lot, even when ‘us’ doesn’t exist anymore. I wish you would look at me the way I look at you.

Thanks for being with me and for giving me a chance to experience heaven on earth, because you made me the luckiest girl in the world.

P.S

I finally plucked up my courage to ask you the reason why you ignored me. I still can’t talk with you now because I know if I do I will cry.

I have finally finished this letter. It took me almost 3 days to write. lol

I saw you online until 5a.m. yesterday. You stayed up so late… it was 12a.m. there I think. I really wanted to talk with you when I saw you last night.

If you are sure that this is what you want, hold on to it and don’t let go.

I’ll always support you in whatever you do.