Passage

     Psychologists have long been aware that birth order generally creates certain personality traits. Big brothers and sisters usually develop leadership tendencies early in life, mainly because of the responsibilities for younger siblings given to them by their parents. The danger, experts on family and child psychology report, is that if the older sibling takes that role to an extreme, he or she can become an overbearing and tyrannical adult.

     Studies of nearly 3,000 people conducted by Walter Toman, former professor of psychology at Brandies University in Massachusetts, have found that, under normal circumstances, firstborns are usually the most strongly motivated toward achievement. This, he maintains, is mainly a result of parental expectations.

     This and other research suggest that firstborn children generally become more conservative than their siblings because they receive most of the parental discipline. Used to caring for others, they are more likely to move toward such leadership professions as teaching and politics. Less social and flexible because they became accustomed in the very early years to acting alone, they may have difficulty making close friends.

     By contrast, researchers say later children are more likely to be more relaxed. However, later children are often less ambitious and are uncomfortable making decisions for others, and will seek work that fits such needs. This, according to researchers, may help explain why younger siblings tend to favor the creative fields such as music, art, or writing.

     Later children often make good salespeople because persuasion may have been the only tool they had to counteract the power of the eldest. Younger children tend to remain forever “the baby”, enjoyable to be around, and inspiring compassion; but they can become over dependent on others.

     While birth order is clearly only one of the many factors that affect development, its impact should not be underestimated. When people understand how their birth order causes them to react, they do not find change so threatening, says Lucille Forer, a clinical psychologist in Malibu, California, who has written extensively on the subject.

       An understanding of birth order can sometimes help a marriage work. Not long ago, Dr. Forer was working with a woman who had become so domineering that her marriage was in trouble. Once understood her tendencies, Dr. Forer said, she could begin to modify her behavior.

     Madia Webster, a family therapist and school consultant in Norwich, Connecticut, recently conducted a workshop called “Birth Order Factor”. She told of a husband and wife who complained bitterly about being let down by the other the leadership role that each had expected the other to assume. When it was pointed out that this was probably because each had been a younger sibling, they began to comprehend the problem.

     “Is there an idea combination for marriage?” Mrs. Webster was asked. Both at work and in personal relationship, she said, people seem to get along best when they repeat the patterns of childhood, which means that it helps to marry someone in a complementary position. In contrast, two people who were the eldest children an expect conflict.

     “Is there any best position in birth order?” asked someone else. Mrs. Webster said no, that there were benefits and disadvantages to all. However, she went on, recognizing tendencies can enhance opportunities to make the most of positive traits and minimize negative ones.