The clothes you wear. The food you eat. The color of your bedroom walls. Where you go and how you get there. The people you hang with. What time you go to bed.What do these things have in common, you're asking? They're just a few examples of the many hundreds of things that your parents controlled for you when you were a child. As a kid, you didn't have a say in very much that went on; your parents made decisions about everything from the cereal you ate in the morning to the pajamas you wore at night. And it's a good thing, too — kids need this kind of protection and assistance because they aren't mature enough to take care of themselves and make careful decisions on their own.But eventually, kids grow up and become teens. And part of being a teen is developing your own identity — one that is separate from your parents'. It's totally normal for teens to create their own opinions, thoughts, and values about life; it's what prepares them for adulthood.But as you change and grow into this new person who makes his or her own decisions, your parents may have a difficult time adjusting. They aren't used to the new you yet — they only know you as the kid who had everything decided for you and didn't mind.In most families, it's this adjustment that can cause a lot of fighting between teens and parents. You want to cover your walls with posters; they don't understand why you don't like your kiddie wallpaper anymore. You think it's OK to hang at the mall every day after school; they would rather that you play a sport.Clashes like these are very common between teens and parents — teens get angry because they feel parents don't respect them and aren't giving them space to do what they like, and parents get angry because they aren't used to not being in control or they disagree with the teens' decisions.It's easy for feelings to get very hurt when there are conflicts like these. And more complicated issues — like the types of friends you have or your attitudes about sex and partying — can cause even bigger arguments, because your parents will always be intent on protecting you and keeping you safe, no matter how old you are.The UpsideThe good news about fighting with your parents is that in many families the arguing will lessen as parents get more comfortable with the idea that their teen has a right to certain opinions and an identity that may be different from theirs. It can take several years for parents and teens to adjust to their new roles, though. In the meantime, concentrate on communicating with your parents as best you can.Sometimes this can feel impossible — like they just don't see your point of view and never will. But talking and expressing your opinions can help you gain more respect from your parents, and you may be able to reach compromises that make everyone happy. For example, if you are willing to clean your room in order to stay out an hour later, both you and your parents walk away with a good deal.Keep in mind, too, that your parents were teens once and that in most cases, they can relate to what you're going throug
You need to be a member of MyEnglishClub to add comments!
What an interesting question you have here Mahta ! To respect our parents doesn't mean we always have to agree with what they say or with what they do.
I believe things aren't similar from one culture to another one, as for example, i think the attitude towards parents and family in general are a way different in Middle East, Asian or African countries than in western european countries.
Unfortunately, respect is not what it used to be here many years ago, so things have drastically changed, and not for the better.
Now, coming back to your question : why do i fight so much with my parents ? " i would say, it's probably because there is a generation between you and them. Things have changed so much in the past years that many parents have difficulties to follow the flow. Their children live in a different way than their parents did, so it's not easy for mothers and fathers to accept this new change.
My father often tells me : "in my time... " but father, we are not in your time anymore, things have evoluated" !!! So this is a source of conflicts !
I also believe that many parents want to give advices to their children to avoid them to make mistakes. In fact, teenagers or olders rarely listen as they need to make their own experience to grow.
So dear Matha, do not worry, you seem to be a very loving and respectful person for your parents. It's normal for you not to agree with them all the time, happily, you have your own personality and to be a "yes woman" has never been good for anyone.
The most important is the love you feel and you show to each others.
I have a comment here ...You know ,most of the times,I am silent when being in company with my parents ...I keep silent when they ask questions ...Though they don't like it ,I keep my own privacy ...I don't talk to them very often ...Do you think it is bad???
You know ,I really don't have critical problems with them...I don't like to interfere with their beliefs ...Because I am not good at proving myself ...Maybe they are right in many cases ,but I have my own beliefs ....
Though we have far apart ideas in many cases ,we have a really good relationship ...I show my love to them and they also do the same ...If we don't talk about ideas and beliefs ,it is OK ..we just show love ...But in other few cases ,they like to advise me ,and I listen ,but I myself weigh the gravity of the situation and in many cases ,I don't accept their advices...You know it is making mistakes that makes a mature KID out of me ...
But I really enjoy listening to the stories my dad tells us about his past ,when he was young ...When he tells us those stories ,I feel so proud to have such a nice dad ,and I do learn many facts from those stories ...
I think if parents convey their past experiences by telling their kids about what has happened to them when they were younger ,that would be a great idea ,and kids will get to know more easily ...It is an effective way to advise indirectly ....
Thanks for the useful discussion,
Have a great time :)
Replies
Best wishes.
Mahta.
What an interesting question you have here Mahta ! To respect our parents doesn't mean we always have to agree with what they say or with what they do.
I believe things aren't similar from one culture to another one, as for example, i think the attitude towards parents and family in general are a way different in Middle East, Asian or African countries than in western european countries.
Unfortunately, respect is not what it used to be here many years ago, so things have drastically changed, and not for the better.
Now, coming back to your question : why do i fight so much with my parents ? " i would say, it's probably because there is a generation between you and them. Things have changed so much in the past years that many parents have difficulties to follow the flow. Their children live in a different way than their parents did, so it's not easy for mothers and fathers to accept this new change.
My father often tells me : "in my time... " but father, we are not in your time anymore, things have evoluated" !!! So this is a source of conflicts !
I also believe that many parents want to give advices to their children to avoid them to make mistakes. In fact, teenagers or olders rarely listen as they need to make their own experience to grow.
So dear Matha, do not worry, you seem to be a very loving and respectful person for your parents. It's normal for you not to agree with them all the time, happily, you have your own personality and to be a "yes woman" has never been good for anyone.
The most important is the love you feel and you show to each others.
Thanks for this very nice topic.
Manuela
You know ,I really don't have critical problems with them...I don't like to interfere with their beliefs ...Because I am not good at proving myself ...Maybe they are right in many cases ,but I have my own beliefs ....
Though we have far apart ideas in many cases ,we have a really good relationship ...I show my love to them and they also do the same ...If we don't talk about ideas and beliefs ,it is OK ..we just show love ...But in other few cases ,they like to advise me ,and I listen ,but I myself weigh the gravity of the situation and in many cases ,I don't accept their advices...You know it is making mistakes that makes a mature KID out of me ...
But I really enjoy listening to the stories my dad tells us about his past ,when he was young ...When he tells us those stories ,I feel so proud to have such a nice dad ,and I do learn many facts from those stories ...
I think if parents convey their past experiences by telling their kids about what has happened to them when they were younger ,that would be a great idea ,and kids will get to know more easily ...It is an effective way to advise indirectly ....
Thanks for the useful discussion,
Have a great time :)