Dear EC friends and for other members that are willing to share,
Could you please help me guys, how can I make people follow me? I didn't ask for such role but I don't know they thought I'm trustworthy (believe it or not, I don't think so), but since they thought so, I would like to give them what they deserve. I would like to show them at least a quarter of their expectation from me.
Now, how to become a good leader, given the fact that I will make people who are older than me, more professional than me, and more experience than me to follow/listen to me?
How? @.@
Scary.
Replies
Hi again Risty,
Am I right in guessing that this is a religious or life-coaching group? You said it’s not part of school or work. Then, people will come because they are already committed believers – or because they are curious. Would people come to deliberately argue or disrupt the meeting? Is there a common age group or is there a large spread of ages? You are meeting twice a week – for how long? Do you set the goals or deadlines? Are they flexible?
Now is where individual style and personality must be included. I have been a teacher for 48 years. I have a M.Ed. (U.S.A.), qualification in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (Australia) and have taught all levels from 5-6 year-old Chinese children to Chinese corporate executives to international PhD students to all years of Primary and Middle schools. In all of these situations, I’ve almost NEVER been a “BOSS” or “source of all knowledge”. I’m a guide, an encourager -- showing examples, planning activities, eliciting questions + discussion in small groups and whole class, then bringing everyone together for discussion and consensus, if possible. Involve as many individuals as possible, always encourage participation and praise positive / unique / thoughtful comments.
“The positive spirit that I should never let to die is undeniably helpful, but how to do that?” This is a personal belief in yourself + confidence. It means being able to appear relaxed while keeping the group on-task and moving forward. It does not mean that you know all the answers – and remember, often there is no single absolutely correct answer to a question. The important concept is to be comfortable with this. It’s always OK to admit you’re not sure of an answer now, but you’ll look into it and report back next meeting. The group will respect your honesty.
“I'm not a good speaker” I never allow my students to make this kind of statement unless they add the word “YET” at the end. With confidence, practise and experience you will be. A “good speaker” (unless they are giving a rehearsed oral presentation or lecture) is NOT the same as a good group leader or facilitator. A good group leader encourages group interaction, group thinking (sometimes in small groups within the whole group) and teamwork. A good group leader has solid background knowledge, but like a seminar leader, is there to listen, encourage participation, and keep the group focussed and on-task. Every successful group leader has to begin somewhere. FIND SOMEONE WHO IS EXPERIENCED AND SUCCESSFUL – ASK IF YOU CAN SIT-IN AND OBSERVE THEM.
Finally, be sure to have “drawing out” questions foremost in your mind eg. “What do you think?” “Do you agree with ...?” “Why do you think … did …?” “What might happen if …?” “Is … like any other situation you have faced in your life?” There are hundreds you can find on esl websites. The important thing is to deflect attention and reliance on yourself to provide answers and act as the only authority in the group.
It’s late now and I must retire. Please keep me posted on what you’re thinking and how you’re going.
Go well, best from David.
Risty said:
If you wanna 'become' anything but you don't know 'how', "Fake it till you make it"! ;)
Hello, Bet! Thanks a lot for such effort! :)
bet said:
http://www.myenglishclub.com/profiles/blogs/when-if-you-want-somebo..., thanks, sis!
Wow, David! I like all ideas you've given me specifically that not all of them knows everything. The positive spirit that I should never let to die is undeniably helpful, but how to do that? that's the question for me now, and I think only me can answer that.
Regarding your questions, here are my answers;
We have so many things in common. We are meeting twice a week.
Yes, we have a deadline to achieve and finish.
Some members go and some are new.
They can participate and can't participate if they want.
That's the reason why I'm asking my question about following because they should follow/listen to me without force, coercion, anxiety, or any negative feeling. I want them to do so willingly. How to do that? Motivate them? Convince them? How?
Another problem, I'm not a good speaker...I tend to go direct to the point and sometimes people misinterpret that as rudeness or impoliteness.
Anyway, thanks a lot, David! You are a helping hand.
David said:
Hi again Risty,
This is fascinating. I hope you don't mind more questions, then I can offer more specific suggestions. Will your clients come from all different backgrounds or will they have some/many things in common? You mentioned full-time; maybe my question was confusing -- but do you mean like eight hours / day, five days / week or more? Or did you mean you will meet regularly over a long period of time, like a year or more. Will you have deadlines -- like absolute benchmarks that must be met by certain times? Will the first members always be in the group or will they drop out as new people join? Finally, is the group compulsory in any way -- or can anyone come or not come as they please?
For now, it appears like this could be like a counselling, self-help or life-coaching group. Here are some general ideas:
Relax; take ten minutes and write down all the positives (for yourself AND the group) that everyone can experience. Try to avoid generalities and be specific.
Understand and admit that no one knows everything about the topic or skill(s) you’re working on – especially yourself. Reflect on all the positives you bring to the group and focus on them.
Plan carefully but stay flexible. Consider messaging or emailing everyone a dot-point plan of what you want to do for the meeting – with the understanding that that it’s only a guide. Some activities may become more engaging than planned and claim more time.
It’s OK to let the group know you are nervous – but emphasise that you are excited about the opportunities and positive outcomes that can result from group support.
Emphasise the spirit of teamwork with the whole group. Even if members separate for different tasks, pull the whole group back together so that everyone knows what is happening and reinforce all of the positive aspects.
You will have a good idea how formal or informal the group will be … or it could be dynamic – moving between both. In any event, you might want to establish group expectations. Try hard to keep everything in the positive. eg. “We will attend group meetings on time” not “Don’t be late”. This can be challenging, but keeping everything positive sets a positive environment.
Good luck Risty; message me if I can help further.
David.
Risty said:
Hello, Mish!
Actually, I didn't wish for that...it's just happened. My dilemma is how to perform it well and just. I'm also a follower too.
Mishaikh said:
Why in the first place you wish people will follow you. Why don't you follow some selected and ideal ones?
Risty said:
Silly Musky! hahaha!
I can't do that thru violence and fear. I need to make them follow and listen to me with all sincerity, by their hearts.
Muskan said:
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