Dear EC friends and for other members that are willing to share,
Could you please help me guys, how can I make people follow me? I didn't ask for such role but I don't know they thought I'm trustworthy (believe it or not, I don't think so), but since they thought so, I would like to give them what they deserve. I would like to show them at least a quarter of their expectation from me.
Now, how to become a good leader, given the fact that I will make people who are older than me, more professional than me, and more experience than me to follow/listen to me?
How? @.@
Scary.
Replies
Hello, Rosemary! You are right. This is not easy. I will try my best to be fair so help me God. Thanks for your support!
Rosemary said:
Hello, SaLeM! I think I better read some famous speaker...:D Thanks!
SaLeM said:
Hello again, Mr. David! You are an effective motivator and a positive influence to people, no sugar coating. Thanks a lot for your time to answer my queries and to be honest, I find them helpful and hopeful that somehow I can do these things for them.
About unworthy, well...how to explain that? I have a different definition of that maybe (I've told you that;) )..
Thanks a lot, and I wish you more power and strength!
David said:
Hello, Addel! I will keep that in mind too. :) Thanks!
Addel said:
Hello, Miss Paula! Now I know why you were chosen as a new moderator. I'm gonna absorb your advice and they are all positive so no disagreement here.
I would love to know how's your experience working with the public? I wish to read that someday...
Thanks a lot!
★ღ ˚ Paula✰ •* ˚ said:
TO me , I think when want people foillow or listen to you , this needs more effort in power of mind ( knowledge / wisdom ) and this means you should have features to make people do what what you want like some famous person in history that are called leaders ,fo course there are many examples for this reagrd .
Hi again Risty,
It's great to read your reply.
Somehow you have received and mistakenly believed a harmful and dangerous message: "most of them are unworthy individuals like me". Or, possibly I've misinterpreted your meaning of unworthy. Influential people have invited you to take up this position. If you were truly unworthy, you would not have been considered -- but you were, and most importantly, given the opportunity to show what you can do! You might not attain the ideals that others have, but please consciously ignore or dismiss thoughts of unworthiness particularly within yourself. Focus on your strengths: caring and concern for the welfare of others, mindfulness of your surroundings, ability and willingness to communicate, empathy and sensitivity. No one with these wonderful qualities could be considered "unworthy". Don't compare yourself with an ideal you can't reach yet. By all means, work to improve yourself, but work from the base of positivity and strength, not negativity and certainly not a feeling of worthlessness.
Further to the success with your group, the same idea applies. Every person has aspects of "worthiness". One of your important jobs is to recognise this yourself -- then praise them and make others aware that, as leader, you are working to build positive relationships within the group and map a positive course for the whole group.
"I don't know how to express myself in a way that my heart wants to." No one could always know the right things to say at the right time. This certainly doesn't mean that you are "unworthy"! You have a good heart and (I believe) good instincts to be helpful and trustworthy. In your new position, words are not as important as attitude, body language and over-all atmosphere you create around the group.
If you Google <esl positive reinforcement>, <esl positive thoughts> or similar, you will find plenty of words and phrases to use. With months of practise and experience, you will use more of this language naturally and more comfortably. For now, don't expect to be perfect; accept yourself and the mistakes of others (especially if you're all working in 2nd Language).
There is a lot of other helpful information in this discussion, particularly from...
★ღ ˚ Paula✰ •* ˚
When is your group starting? All the best!
Risty said:
Hello, David! You are a big help to my situation, most of them are same as your age if I will just use that profile picture as my basis. Some of them are respectful oldies, educated bachelors, professionals couples, and most of them are unworthy individuals like me. You know I realize is that I'm truly concern about them, how're their lives going, are they ill somewhere, if they have a problem, or just simply is there something that is bothering them. The main problem is I don't know how to show that care, I don't know how to express myself in a way that my heart wants to.
I'm learning.
Thank you, David! It's so nice to read from you.
David said:
Hello, Mary! I'm teaching my face to make it stern when necessary, I also practice my gestures to be appropriate and parallel to what I supposed to say. I'd rather change that "fake" to "improving". Not that I will fake it because as much as possible I want to be sincere, not because I'm not yet but because it's not sufficient to convince people (esp. oldies), I guess. Thanks!
MARY said:
Hi again Risty,
Am I right in guessing that this is a religious or life-coaching group? You said it’s not part of school or work. Then, people will come because they are already committed believers – or because they are curious. Would people come to deliberately argue or disrupt the meeting? Is there a common age group or is there a large spread of ages? You are meeting twice a week – for how long? Do you set the goals or deadlines? Are they flexible?
Now is where individual style and personality must be included. I have been a teacher for 48 years. I have a M.Ed. (U.S.A.), qualification in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (Australia) and have taught all levels from 5-6 year-old Chinese children to Chinese corporate executives to international PhD students to all years of Primary and Middle schools. In all of these situations, I’ve almost NEVER been a “BOSS” or “source of all knowledge”. I’m a guide, an encourager -- showing examples, planning activities, eliciting questions + discussion in small groups and whole class, then bringing everyone together for discussion and consensus, if possible. Involve as many individuals as possible, always encourage participation and praise positive / unique / thoughtful comments.
“The positive spirit that I should never let to die is undeniably helpful, but how to do that?” This is a personal belief in yourself + confidence. It means being able to appear relaxed while keeping the group on-task and moving forward. It does not mean that you know all the answers – and remember, often there is no single absolutely correct answer to a question. The important concept is to be comfortable with this. It’s always OK to admit you’re not sure of an answer now, but you’ll look into it and report back next meeting. The group will respect your honesty.
“I'm not a good speaker” I never allow my students to make this kind of statement unless they add the word “YET” at the end. With confidence, practise and experience you will be. A “good speaker” (unless they are giving a rehearsed oral presentation or lecture) is NOT the same as a good group leader or facilitator. A good group leader encourages group interaction, group thinking (sometimes in small groups within the whole group) and teamwork. A good group leader has solid background knowledge, but like a seminar leader, is there to listen, encourage participation, and keep the group focussed and on-task. Every successful group leader has to begin somewhere. FIND SOMEONE WHO IS EXPERIENCED AND SUCCESSFUL – ASK IF YOU CAN SIT-IN AND OBSERVE THEM.
Finally, be sure to have “drawing out” questions foremost in your mind eg. “What do you think?” “Do you agree with ...?” “Why do you think … did …?” “What might happen if …?” “Is … like any other situation you have faced in your life?” There are hundreds you can find on esl websites. The important thing is to deflect attention and reliance on yourself to provide answers and act as the only authority in the group.
It’s late now and I must retire. Please keep me posted on what you’re thinking and how you’re going.
Go well, best from David.
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