ESL Blogs

HURT INNOCENTLY (a memory from my blogs' history)

After my matriculation I started teaching as a private tutor. One of my early students was an Iranian girl. She was very beautiful. It was my teenage; naturally I was impressed by
her beauty. Being needy of money to earn, I controlled my emotions. I taught her for two years. By the end of this period I almost forgot or rather was successful to suppress my feelings because I could not see the similar signs in her.

Six months later I received her call. She wanted to see me. I shocked to see the faded beauty. I asked what happened to her "Are you in love?" Her smile was like as a wound was opened and tears rolled down her white bloodless cheeks.

 "Hey I was just joking!" "But you are right," Her voice was just as of a dejected person.

"What! You didn't see me, I had been with you for two years, you didn't feel for me like this, and now you fell in love with some other guy!"

"Shit, how could I love you? You are not attractive and charming as he is" She retorted innocently and expressed her teenage feelings. It was said so innocently but I felt something heavy fell in my stomach, and if there were ears the smash inside me was definitely heard. I was feeling like a person who has lost his last in the gambling.

I pacified her of her grief and left. I decided not to see her again.

Three years later, I was going somewhere, when I heard some one calling, "Hey! Hey!! HERO"

I turned abruptly to see the caller who was coming nearer and nearer. It was her again fully grown, blushed, panting, "Hi Iqbal! How are you? You are looking so charming and handsome!”

 I again felt something fell inside me, and if there were ears the CRY inside me was definitely heard. I again felt myself the looser.

Why! This time her eyes were shining with love pouring upon me. But I didn't feel that way instead I felt again that I am nothing. There was not “I” anywhere around. Not when she innocently said that I was not handsome and charming and after three years when we met again on the road and she showed her love, again I was not there around.

It was not “I”, it was the "CHARMING and HANDSOME" I as "ME" was nowhere, before nor later. I again decided not to see her again.

The same has again happened to me recently in past two years.  I was knocked and awaken from my slumber, convinced that I had
been the love being sought.  It happened to me for almost two years, in spite of my struggle to stay back, I was innocently held closed being the BELOVED one, then one day, I was told that
I am not the one BEING LOOKED FOR, and left again SHOCKED, believing that I was RIGHT in the past because again THERE WAS NOT “I”, but SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!