ESL Blogs

It’s an incident of my childhood at my age of 10.

My mother lashes out me because my sister lied saying I dropped her ugly stupid doll in water. I was furious and decide to immediately leave the house. This wrathful idea always lies somewhere in my mind. I am provoked into a suicide attempt; to leave this world which is full of lies all around. Nobody cares and loves me in this world and I was just beaten like a donkey. I lay aside all my belongings which have lain in my pockets and leave a suicide note beneath my pillow with this message “My body will be laid down in few hours, dead!”. I thought let’s try first the easiest way. Poison! How to find a poison in the house? But what if they cured me in time? I need to go outside. There is a big tree beside my house and people are advised not to eat the fruit as it is poisonous. I decide to take this chance.

A pile of wild fruit lies on the ground. I look up at the tree, climbing is impossible. I picked up some ground fruit and gulp them down. It tastes bitter but no more bitter than my present burning self-esteem. I waited for 30 minutes, pulse rate normal, no trouble in breathing. I ate more and it tastes delicious now. Everyone is lying about these fruits all the time. Lie and lie and more lies. I need to go for plan B, jump down from the mountain. The large mountain staring down on the whole city; if dying is my motive then why not do it from this top of the mountain and I will look at the whole city in a single glance too.

I launch myself towards the mountain and on the way I met one of my neighbours.

“Where are you going kiddo?” He asked.

I hated him all the time for calling me kiddo. He had been laid off from his job 6 months ago and really is an annoying person.

“I’m going to climb up that mountain and jump down from there” I lay out this plan to him by pointing towards the mountain.

“Best of luck” He laughed off this comment as he was sure that a 10 year old kid cannot climb this mountain.

“Kids! Now days full of imagination. Let him go” I listen in while he murmured then he walked on his way and took lighten on this matter. He even not turned back to see me. See! Nobody cares about me, everyone taking me so lightly.

It leads me to hyper mode now; just this suicide and tomorrow I will be famous in the news around my city. I walked away a few more miles and reached my destination beneath the mountain. The height of mountain lies around 500 meter. I look upwards and can see half the mountain. I found the suitable location to lift up. Rock by rock I climb up, every 10 minutes lie down and hold the rock tightly. I reached the top of the mountain, finally. It took me around 30 minutes to reach there. I laze around the green grass and close my eyes with tiredness. There is no hurry now to look down or to do anything.

Once, closing my eyes I listen to the whisper of the wind coming from the forest and the sound of trembling leaves of the trees. The air breeze cools me down and let in dries my sweated body. The birds are chirping and then I heard someone whisper in my ears.

“Wake up Sandeep, It’s time to see the world and feel it.”

I opened my eyes suddenly and look around. No one is there. Today the sky is shining blue; though a few nasty white clouds are there. The sky seems to me a little bit nearer now. It is afternoon. A few kites are flying in the sky maybe looking for a snake or sometimes they take a birds egg, from where they are laid in their nests. My nostrils are working like Radar smelling for anything in suspicious. The air is pure and unpolluted here. Finally I stand up like a soldier, to finish the mission. I look over the whole city, what a pleasant view of the city, I looked down from the mountain, 10 seconds and I would be lying on road, perhaps in pieces, dead!.

I solved the time taken to reach my body on road by this formula.

Time = Distance / Relative Velocity.

Here, Distance = 500 meters and Relative Velocity which means free flow body fall down by around 50 meter/seconds.

That means,

Time = 500/50 = 10 seconds.

I excluded air friction and my weight as not read till the moment in my academy. But to be sure I dropped my one slipper and watch it till touches the road. Perfect, 10 seconds!

I echo my name in air – Sandeeeep!, and 3 times I heard my name Sandeep! Sandeeep!! Sandeeep!!!

Suddenly, a breath of wind passed near my ears and it leads me to think of my father, how he will cope with my death? What about my younger brother? Who will take him to the school? My grandparents will die as well if they hear of my death, my uncle and aunt and all the relatives; everyone who loves me so much. It’s just a bad day I’m having and then the emotions of pros & cons start revolving in my mind. Die or live, what to do? More points are on the live side. The living points weigh heavier on the scale and finally Life wins to look after all the events.

I cannot die now to let them all die with me and for what? - Because my mother beats me? To hell with that who doesn’t get beaten by their mother in childhood. How stupid I am to all think of suicide. For the first time I realise “Life is beautiful” when I look around at all my surroundings. I let go of all the anger inside me. Now I need to go back home. I look back down on the way of climbing down. It’s impossible now and scary too when I look deep down I see the road. Climbing was easy but moving down is dangerous and I could slip on the way. The laws of gravity cannot be trusted right now.

The second way down leads to a circular route that is a very long way. It will be night before I reach home and I need to cross the whole forest. I could be a meal for any Tiger, Boar or wild bear that lives in this forest. Skip it.

The third way leads straight down and it is not possible, so what now? Shall I jump? No way! I just decided to live!

I try to figure it out quickly as its past noon now. I decide to move down diagonally and lose out another slipper and drop down as l before. I prayed to God save me this time as I’m only a 10 year old stupid kid and promised that will never happen again. I hold on to and take support from every tiny little bit of dry grass on the mountain and bit by bit step down. It takes around two and half hours to get reach the road. I leave behind my slippers as they are too far away. Walking on the road with bare feet I reached home at 4 PM. Food lies on table and my mother waits eagerly for me.

“Where were you the whole day and what were you doing till now? Okay! First eat something as you must be hungry.” – My mother enquired about me.

I jumped on the food and start eating like a maniac. My sister came close and said

“Brother, I pulled out my doll and dried it. See it looks more beautiful now.”

I remained silent as my throat is choked now and tears roll down my cheeks and lie on the table. I lay off the matter now.

“Life is really beautiful and not meant to be wasted by suicide”

I live up, to realize this.

Photo Demographic View

[View 1: Climbing Route]

[View 2: Looking down from the moutain]

[View 3: Diagonal moving down route]

[View 4: Whole City view from other side]