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My body aches. My mind is numb. Memory quick as a flash. The madness in my head is slowly building again. What is this cushion? Is it made of wool? It smelled of stale humidity the whole night. A voice spoiled the madness in my head. “Everybody wake up. We’re at the bay.” Everybody? Damn! I could only see an old man - a pitiful, old man like the ship’s berth itself.

I was still left dumbfounded by what happened yesterday. I wish my subconscious would explain it for me. There was a question I wanted to ask myself, but my mind was not clear enough to form the question. Why was I here? 

(One week ago)

She came into the room with a rope in her hand. My head was in great pain. Immense pain. The last memory I had was of her hitting my head with a heavy object. Everyone in the world has a crazy side, and hers was deceptive. All her qualities went with her craziness. It was as if a hole had opened up inside her and swallowed every part of her brains. In contrast, however, her body was strong, especially for an old lady like her.

She quickly tied me up. I imagined I was in a lucid dream*, so I tried to change the situation, but I wasn’t in a lucid dream. I watched her as she walked out of the room, locking the door.

She returned maybe 20 hours later. “Water… please,” I gasped. “No,” she said, her voice a haggard growl. I knew she had come back to watch what she did to me. I, lying on the ground helplessly, wasn’t satisfying enough for her. She then approached me to finish the job that she had started. I thought to myself “I am going to kill you! You old lady Nida!”

It’s baffling to have the dichotomy of different groups of friends. I am bushed and lost in thoughts. There is no place for me to go, and now I am at this bay waiting for the rescue. I know that this bay is my final destination. I'm falling off the wagon here, yet here I am. Having thought about what happened till now, I don’t care about what happens next. I hope I have the fortitude to pick myself up and keep moving forward. This seems to be a dream now. Nothing will ever be the same again. And, everybody knows it.

Sitting and thinking, I am playing with some pebbles in my hand, at a corner of the bay behind a small fishing raft. The bay is silent; there are only some other rafts and shipmen. The yellow-colored sun is right across me. I can see its long-lined reflection on the sea. Then I heard her voice, “You are late. I have been waiting for you since the morning.”

(One week ago)

I saw the knife in her hand. Her hand was bleeding. I remembered a movie I had watched long ago. The psycho main character was giving harm to herself before she killed her prisoners. I thought of her being that psycho woman. I tried to free myself from the rope. It was tied very tightly. It was also impossible to slip out of the big sofa she tied me to. If I shouted, could anybody hear me? Maybe, we were at a place nobody lived around. Now, she was a breath away from me. I made a mistake coming here even though my other half, my Twin who has been my source of smiling insisted on my not going. She raised her knife to stab me from the heart before my wide-opened eyes. Suddenly, there was a sound of a gun and she fell onto me. I heard her deadening breath in pain. This time, it must have been a miracle if I wasn’t dreaming. Then, I saw the face of my rescuer.

I put the pebbles on the stone I was sitting. She came to the bay as she promised me yesterday. When I saw her face, I felt like the whole thing what happened till now was so far in the past and we’ve slipped back into being us, Yasemin and Syubi that is just so used to be real that I don't really think about anything anymore. Have you ever felt like you are with a person for the first time and you find yourself saying "Somehow I trust this person.” Finally, you come to believe about the person is he/she directs your actions, has influence on you, or something like that. Trust is the foundational stone of any relationship. And, the relationship depends on the other person knowing what’s going on. Syubi knew what happened till now, what Nida did, what happened to my Twin and why I was here. Still, I feel like there is something I am missing. I'm so stuck on the idea that making a wrong move will have a significant impact on my life. Well, which life? It all changed yesterday, didn’t it?

to be continued…

* Lucid dreaming is knowing you're in a dream, and being able to control it to a certain degree.

To read the second part of the story click here...