ESL Blogs

My dear wife Tanya kindly posted a blog on my challenge. If you remember, we had to use some words guessed in January and to write a funny story or a poem. Well, her story is great, very funnny and sarcastic. She made her best! But my dad always taught me to be a gentleman and not to leave ladies' statements without attention. So, I haven't slept all night long thinking about some adequate reply and there you go!

My wife's story.

If somebody wears a gold liripipe on his biretta, it is just a tribute to his doctorate degree, but nothing more for me. Our same mortarboards sit next to each other in the closet and I am sure that my biretta always asks her companion what its master is up to. And, I tell you, his master is always up to something! To be a good chemist is true temptation! He always knows the right mix to make a man get drunk or to make a lady feel excited. He is a great mixologist and a great deipnosophist and all women around flip over him! But just come home, darling! And never say it was a dry run of your concert so, you had to have a keg of beer to relax and to be dead to the world! I don’t like to sleep with a corps in my bed! My silent treatment and my cold shoulder mean nothing for you. So, I will meet you at the door with my rolling pin your face will feel for sure and I will not call the ambulance. No gurneys any longer!  I do know that trick! But I love you so much that I don’t want you to suffer! So, I will probably use my bow and arrows to be sure you will not suffer any more as I am a perfect shot, you know! So, what do you prefer: to have one more plastic surgery and to wear the casts or to pass away without even realizing it? We live in a democratic country, you always have a choice, but if I were you, I would choose the last!

My reply.

I flip over you harder than ever.

I had better forget you forever!

Decomposing on a hospital gurney

's not the end I am choosing, my Honey!

Though you're cruel and crafty like Nero,

It is better to die from your arrow!

It is better to die being handsome

Than to look like your son or your grandson!

It is better than your freezing shoulder,

Silent treatment as if I're a scoundrel.

It is better to die than to live

like a eunuch! To die is relief!

And to die being sober and healthy

Is the same as to starve being wealthy.

I'll get drunk and, I tell you, it is better!

If I lie, I'll eat up my beretta!

Now, my friends, it is for you to judge who is a winner! Hahahaha!

And I've got a better idea. Why not to join this poetic battle like dear Rose did? You all are welcome!

I will add all the verses written on this blog.

Tanya:

It's none of matter you are handsome!

I'll never pay a penny ransom

If you're kidnapped by your lover.

Just try to use your charming power!

Convince her not to change your chin

By using  heavy rolling pin!

But if she does, you don't complain

As love is everlasting pain!

It's pain and pleasure, you decide!

I know, darling, I am right!

One day you'll get what you deserve.

Get lost, stop getting on my nerves!

Rose:

You ask us who might be the winner,
now we fidget like a fish at the spinner,
because you want us to decide
who of you both can feel his pride.

Believe me, I have got my opinion
and of course I have a minion.
For me is it better to be still
Because I don't want pay the bill.

Although it never was my manner.
and sincerity is always my banner. 
But I don't want to land on a gurney
to go to the very last journey. 

So no one of you both get my vote
because I liked the writing of both.
Being between of the fronts
is always a way of confronts.

I see already how you swing
with your long arm a rolling pin. 
To stay still healthy and stay clever...
Shut up! is now my motto for ever.

Now is my turn! Please, join us and have some fun!

My reply to Tanya's verse.

Yes, love is pain or even death,

But I will love to my last breath!

Don't torture me, tell me at once

If you will give me my last chance,

Last chance to have a keg of beer,

To hug all those who are dear,

To swim in our Crystal River

Until I freeze and get high fever!

Will you have mersi on the guy

Who is so sick, about to die?

I hope, you will and my last day

Will be postponed at least till May!

Hahahaha!

ROSE:

How funny is that "battle" here!
I think, I need to drink a beer!
I am waiting for the second act,
no winner yet, yes, that is fact.

To heat up now much more the battle
our duty is, with words to rattle.
Just try it once, please be so brave,
it's your turn now to ride the wave.

The wave of fun and witty words
this battle is not just for nerds.
And if you don't know what to say,
be not afraid your hair turns grey.

Just read the blog and then comment
that is enough for the moment.
But do not rest on lazy skin, 
and tell who then deserves the win.

Thank you, dear!

RISTY:

To vote means to be in between

I’m lost for words and I need to be keen

Both are good, no one can deny

The world will read this and will ask why

These two good people that are clashing

Seems like rocks that keep on smashing

To side to whom will be my great suffer

To chose which one hits my brain to clutter

 Though I love to see a lady’s man fall

Seeing the agony that will make him crawl,

Oh my gosh! I’m so cruel

Let me help to sharpen that arrow and make her rule

Oh no, oh no! I need to back –off

The marine will attack and send me to take off

Tanya's reply to my poem:

To live till May?! You must be kidding!

It's real joy to see you bleeding!

My word is last, I hold my ground!

You are a loser in this round!

Who is the next?

Rose's reply:

Hey Danny, end the battle now,
as long as you are knowing how.
I advice you, fall on the knees 
and promise her you stop to tease.
Tanya will hang arrow and bow
then on her wall just here an now.
You did admit you lost the battle
Tanya avoids to play the rattle.
That is the best for getting peace
although is was just fun, just cease! 
Because I think you know the women,
they are not that kind of crimine.
But are they teased by such words
they find no end even if it hurts.
But I can't vouch for your success,
for me as woman: just my guess.
If you don't want to sleep outside,
then open to her your arms wide.
Just telling her you lost the struggle
Just so can you the node unravel,
Avoid to sleep on couch too often,
it's necessary Tanya's mind to soften.
She knows you loves her so she will,
be ready to pay with you the bill.

My reply:

I've lost the round!!! You are funny!

MY Word is last, excuse me, Honey!

You started it and I will end.

That's it! The message has been sent!

I screwed it up, what else to say?

I'll hardly see another day!

Take off my hat before you, Lady!

Where is your bow? Come on! I'm ready!

Tanya's reply:

I see you're ready to depart

So, let me ask you, Purple Heart

If you have left your sacred will

For those who will stay to live?

And if you didn't, just be sure

I'll dig you out and for sure

I'll throw your ashes all around!

There'll never be another round!

Rose:

Tanya gets my understanding
not to want a quick crash landing.
I tried to end the couple's battle,
now I am in my own struggle.
I said it was my last comment
but I am stuck at this moment.
What can I do? I do not know.
the best will be I'm going now.
I leave my last advice for you:
Speak last words together, huuuuh !!!!
There is no loser and no winner
and you can say it at a dinner.
now to see how both compete,
I will watch it on backseat.

And our battle is over: Tanya and I tied and our winner is Rose! Hahahaha!