Relationships, especially of the monogamous, “I love you forever” kind, are facing testing times. For the younger generation, the idea of a “forever”, is becoming steadily disenchanting because there is always someone hotter, nicer, more fun and interesting, and better suited for their evolving needs and are in sync with their personal/professional choices out there. Changing needs and changing times seem to be permanently changing the nature of relationships. Social media and digital communication makes it so much easier to meet more people and interact in depth without wasting too much time. I see less and less people moping over lost relationships. Instead, I see them readily chuck out what’s not working, (with a bit of necessary pain and tears thrown in for good measure), and look forward to the next relationship that will fulfill what’s lacking currently in their lives.
It may be unfamiliar and a bit disconcerting to many who have been conditioned differently, but when you see it objectively, it’s wonderful that people are happy to let go of what’s not working and setting themselves free to find someone who makes their life more fulfilling. Why should people hold on to something that it no longer working, only because it was good for an age and stage in their life? For that matter, why hate the other person if dynamics have changed. Thank them for the good times, for the learnings, and the journey together and move forward. Not every passenger that boards a train goes from the beginning to the end. Some do, and some just board at different points and get off along the way. Life is a journey. Even if someone decides to buy a ticket to the destination and chooses to get off along the way it’s okay. No one is, or ever should be, under anyone’s control and have to suffer a lifetime of a bad relationship if situations have changed and cannot be resolved. To some, it may seem frivolous to be relationship hopping and ideal if you had someone whom you could love and grow old being loved by, but that too is only going to happen if you stop hanging onto someone who doesn’t fit the bill.
Q&A
1) It has approximately been seven months since I have started dating this girl. She seldom meets me and calls. At times, I feel that I am the only person in this relationship. I have expressed this to her but she doesn’t seem to understand. What should I do?
Just back away for 2 months. Let her do all the calling and deciding whenever to meet. Don’t put in an ounce of effort, not even one call, and see if it galvanises her into being more proactive in this relationship. If it still yields no results, they dynamics aren’t suited to each other and it’s best to move on.
2) I am a single girl living in a rented apartment. My neighbours are extremely nosy and keep asking me why do I stay alone and why can’t I go back to my parents. Initially, I thought that they are traditional in their mindset, but off late they have been harassing me in more ways than one by even commenting on the way I live. They have started discussing all of this with shopkeepers near my apartment complex. I have started feeling insecure and don’t know what to do. Please help.
Write them a letter stating “Hey I found your nose! It’s in my business!” Jokes aside, put all the points you mentioned and courier it to them and keep an acknowledgment copy. Inform them in the letter that you will submit a copy to the nearest police station if any of this were to continue. You are there legally and lawfully and to pass any moral judgment or harass you because of their redundant belief is liable for legal action.
3) My boyfriend and I fight almost every day. I have even thought of breaking up with him and have expressed my desire to do so. But he says that if I leave him, he will harm himself. I do not know what to do…please help.
Such individuals are a nightmare to spend a lifetime with. Love yourself enough to want a better life partner and love him enough to inform his family that such threats have been made and that they need to take charge, because you do not wish to spend your life compromised, scared and blackmailed and additionally do not wish to be in any way responsible for what he may do to himself.
Comments
Reg, I very much agree with you .It is Us who are the ones to have spoiled the beauty of Relationship Due to being extremely up to date ,Highly literate or having been bred and raised in very much Prematurely liberal and secular kinda environment.Today we pride in having friends in high places ,mingling with upper crust ,Getting Co-ed Sorta Education which definitely fosters this wicked kinda mindsets in us .Relationships have become Extremely deplorable since we got very much hooked on the Digital world .Our nears and dears ones when close to us we spare no time for them to accompany them for a comforting conversation .Whereas ,If they are away from then we stick to them ping to them unnecessarily around the clock on this digital world .No one seems to be satisfied in being in a godly relationship with one person since our desires have increasingly become insatiable .They say "Dry bread at home is better than roasted meat abroad ". But in our case it is quite on the contrary because we believe that all the glittering is gold .Thank you Reg and Past you for your Very much Encouraging views and explicit feedback .
All this craziness derives from human's never-ending desire for consuming everything they can afford and this is what they do with the feelings too.
Rose i wholeheartedly appreciate your thoughts and views on my topic .
Moreover ,Suggestions for improvement are always welcoming .
My opinions are aimed at general and It is our general dilemma that since the proliferation and invasion of this modern technology Our relations have been left at Godforsaken place .
That's a really interesting topic though your title doesn't fit so right ... at least in my opinion. The title sounds so superficial in comparison to your written words.
"Someone better is just around the corner" ... that sounds as if everyone could change his relationship very easily just to find the next person just around the next corner... only for fun.
After reading your blog, I don't have the impression that you wanted to say so.
You are right, our life is like a journey with train. There are many stations until we reach the final destination. Sometimes we decide for ourselves to change the route but sometimes life sets the course.
Sometimes we follow the same path without consideration to our own needs just because we think it must be so and not different. We don't allow ourselves to change and so we miss parts of life.
Unfortunately ... time is lost then and nobody gets it back .... and we never will know how our life would have been different in case we would have changed. We realize it too late. We wanted make it right for everyone while we missed to care for ourselves. Over all social constraints and our own conscience, even if we are afraid to make something wrong, we should always consider what we need for our own happyness. That isn't wrong because life isn't endless. I never have changed anything ... I never had a look around the corner ... I should have been more selfish... who knows!!!!
Well, in my opinion, moving without looking back is not that good. And, it is also not so good to stay in an unhealthy situation. Seems a bit controversial!