ESL Blogs

She was wondering around, she was not that much bad even she is the great person with perfect personality .love people and kind .sometimes she just hurt herself, she is to exhausted from the limits that society always impose her. She even wanted to resist against the valuable of her society that  even she knows they are indeed good!

“Stop telling me what is good and what is bad “ she always says with herself .she sometimes have feeling to act against God’s will ,oh she will be in the hell ? no matter for her ,the way that she lives like a real hell in her head  ,she is indeed a rebel a rebel who just fight with herself and what the others named …..but what can she do except having a heavy sob in his heart and a fighter sprite. This makes her far from her life and society, she just watching around looking to other carefully and says herself, IS there someone who really feel how much I am suffering? How much pain is in my heart, feeling lonely, this is exactly the thing that can make a young person so old.

She was like that from  time that she was a child, she asked for the reasons and always said why and what and tells me more ….these days she starts  feeling that a evil lives in her body  ,one who forced her to stand even against will of God ,”that was not my fault ,I will say tonight in my pray ,she said to herself with tears in her eyes “.sometimes she is happy with what others has fun and sometimes she feel herself really far from them .she left them even her parents .she just go her job and back home and clock the door of her room and start reading book in while she is crying ..is she guilty ?

Why she always has feeling like this? at least she is guilty because there is a long time that she did not have dinner with her parents and not have a word except "HI and goodbye" to her parents .she even left her boyfriend because she though that he is like a alien ,”that  is not important how much you love me ,sorry I cant stand with it ,I just think that we are from two different world like if  you point the sky I will look at the widespread  ground ,hmm I know that you love me even you told me that you wanna be with me for the rest of your life ,thanks so much but hmmm but I do  not wanna have a family .from this big world just a empty room enough for me exactly like my heart .except sorrow and pain there is nothing in my broken heart .do not get me wrong you were not the one who broke it ,I am still looking for guilty person , but you have to know that I always miss you when I am happy ,pray for me to reach that days and when I get happy my happiness will turn to sorrow because I have lost you that loved me a lot then be happy ,I am doing that just for you ,you have to get ride of me I wont be  happy wife for you do not get me wrong if I sometimes laugh a lot ,sometimes people do that because they are suffering a lot ,wish me to find someone to suffer from mutual lost ,do you think that I will find it Amir , do you wanna ask me what is it again ?do not ask because I really do not know what I am looking for !

Hey I know how much you love children ,then be happy that losing me because even I do not wanna have a baby ,think to enter someone in this world to have suffer such as me even make me guilty ,then please go your way I am not the one who deserve your love “ she said and she turned  back even without looking at him like there is not a person there, like even have not been the same person in her life , she forgot him on site .and start thinking to nothing and having pain again in her heart .

She lost and not founded yet …..