what a fool I am. A married guy ....... chatting ......... flirting sometimes .......... always trying to be a gentleman ......... never telling any secrets others shared to me .............. considerring myself strong enough to overcome little affairs as it are cyber affairs only. That was what made me feel a big routine in chatting.
Yes, there are many nice chatter. Males and females. All of them I like. Particularly the female chatters -sorry, I can´t help myself-. Yes I like the female chatters the most. What wonderful creatures are between them. They can be soft and naughty. Open minded but mysterious creatures. Some love to fight others love nice chats. But most of them come across like miracles.
Especially that girl from quite another part of the world. We talked in the lobby,we talked in the private chatroom. We fooled around and spoke about some serious daily issues. And then fooled around again. I liked her a lot and she liked me. I felt a warmth in my heart talking with her. And she must have felt the same. It was as if we were related souls. Hm... two parts of a soul that belonged to another. Though I lacked the bravery to tell her about my feelings towards her. But my good luck, she tossed away her shyness and avowed me her sympathy. Oh my god, what happy I was and lucky I am.
We shared our skype and whatsapp accounts. We shared pictures. My god, what beauty she is. I somewhat felt like the beast according to the movie: the beauty and the beast. I felt I was the beast. I am much older than her but she accepted me as I am. This is not an imaginary tale. This is true. We held video talks on skype. Seeing her on the screen I always felt a shame. I thought it was not fair by me. An old bloke that attracted a young beautiful woman. We talked whenever we had a chance. Either by day when I was far from home or by night when -ooops my- wife was sleeping. I am not going to specify our talks. The talks will remain our secret -for ever-.
Well, to cut a long story short, the day when I could not bear any longer that she was not near me I needed to make a dicision. Oh my god, I teared my heart out. I cried loudly -albeit when I was alone only and of course-. But I had to skip this love. Yes, I feel it is love. Oh baby, what have I done? You wrote it had hurt you and I feel guilty. You wrote you will not let it break you. Though I feel the wound in your soul. It is said that time heals all wounds. For you and for me I wish it was true. Right now, the space you filled in my heart is empty and provides me with outrageous pains. I often look my skype account up and see no more joy and togetherness.
But what could a fool like me expect?
Comments
lol Ratu, I can see your forefinger pointing up as if you were trying to remind a naughty kid. But you also seem capable to fall for your emotions. Plus you really have a good explanation for what may happen to ppl.
Wish you not always will be a donkey only but a really happy donkey. Plus find back your speech. Dumb donkeys have a harder job than talkative ones. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
hi Risty, sorry for the late reply and thanks for dropping a comment. Being sinners is probably the reason for our being on earth. Another reason reads more logical if you take it from the scientific sight. All creatures seem to have just one goal and that seems to be spawn and keeping the race alive. Some ppl. think you need love for this task and other see it as a purely mechanical act. Though I think emotions always is a part of interaction. On the other hand feelings are particularly that part in life that burdens us.
Zivi...Zivi
honestly speaking, I am speechless,.........
most of the time we realized that we did something wrong, but we couldn't avoid it, in the name of feeling, in the name of confession, in the name of true love... but the truth is we are trying to find a happiness,
I'm not here to blame because sometimes we did mistakes if its related to love. I'm not here to judge because you must have strong reason to do that. sometimes I became a donkey when love comes in the wrong situation. aah at least a happy donkey.
at the End...I'm glad you found the way to go back home.
Onkel, I'm not here to condemn you, as like you I'm imperfect, a normal sinner. On the contrary, there is a thing between we intended to sin and we don't like it's just out of our hands, we never plan to mess up. :) Anyway, as long as we live there is a chance for us to do what is right, to be a better person than yesterday. People fall and people rise and rise where you fall. It is always best to live in peace and harmony especially to those close to our hearts.:)
Don't be sad, you've done the right thing. :)
dear Rosemary
Thanks for your warm and recognising words. You are right, mostly men are playing and acting strongly as we think. But no men can fight the feeling having fallen in love once cupids arrow has hit them.
They just differ in the way they show their deep feelings.
Hello Pearl, even the most highly self controlled guy or gal eventually can fail. Thanks god. That is what makes live feeling exciting.
Hope my fall from the gallery of untouchables did not disappoint you too much. :D And glad to see your healthy optimism.
Great to know you.
oh Bill,btw, according to the famous Beatles: "All you need is love......." I find it so true because love has many more aspects than romance only.
Hi Bill,thank you for your comment and I am sorry about your unlucky story. I hope you one day need a guy doing the same for you as you did for many others yet. As is recording your expectedly happiest day in life. Ooops or is it the happiest day ever just for the brides. To be honest if ever the wedding day would be the only happy day I wonder how to stand the rest of life after marriage. I wonder whether ppl can´t make other goals and enjoy them the same. Still there will be always a time of huge effort to reach the goals. Though the goals mght have other evaluations for ppl.
Hi Honey Bee, you wrote: "But as I see you couldn't resist and broke your rule." We have a saying here reading: "When the donkey is too well it starts stepping on the ice plate!" You can make decisions but as another saying goes: "Nothing holds true eternally."
As for your saying about the torch in the wardrobe I only can say: My worst imagination using the torch is that I might find an old donkey only. :-)
Whatever: Thank you for your attention my dear long term friend.
Hello Onee Chan, haha would be nice to be nursed having a heart ailment. and of course a consultant in such issues. the problem is,even if someone would get 120 years old they ould experience every single case of ailment and the patients feelings are always different. and there is no general method to heal heart diseases. Except coronary diseases.
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