My body is shivering as the sunset went down
the head feels hurting and dizziness is a crown
hold my throat as it is in terrible sore
seems like voices are fading and ears has a gore
My back is in extreme pain
the energy is like a battery that will drain
touch one's neck and feel the scorching fever
the unchanging situation though someone took a reliever
let it froze, give the blanket and allow to pretend unhurt
holding the cuddly pillow and feel the comfort
thinking about how those lovely hands caress the forehead
oh, my panacea, my parents care and warm porridge.
(thanks, Onee, I'm not familiar with panacea, but I hope I've used it properly)
PANACEA- noun
1. a remedy for all disease or ills; cure-all
2. an answer or solution for all problems or difficulties
(dictionary.com)
Comments
Baby Shoba, thanks for dropping by and yes you're quite right, our parents are a precious gift to us from God. Oh my baby, I can't hide that "talent" because I don't possess it..hahaha! mwah!
Nice poem, chocolate baby. Parents are really great and need to be appreciated for making tasty, warm porridge when we are sick. Haha. Jokes apart, I really like your writing and feel that you have been hiding your poetry talent all these days.
Well, dear! The party was even better than I could have expected. But today.... OHHH! But as Luci said yesterday, I am a big boy now and I will stand it! Ha-ha! Fortunately, I took a few days off beforehand.
About your verse. I sincerely like it all (not its parts), but the last line makes it sound funny. If you wanted it to be funny, it is OK. But, contrary to all the rest, two last lines don't rhyme at all and I believe you can't disagree: forehead and porridge don't rhyme.
So, if you like to speak about writing verses seriously, I can give you a few advices
Hello dear, Sir Dan, how’s last night? Just hoping you had fun with the band and Teacher Tanya.
I’m pleased you like some parts and giving an honest opinion which line is weak. On the other hand, I’m not responsible for such comprehension, as I only used what my vocabulary could provide. :D
But still I believe your conviction, could you please suggest how to arrange this? I need an expert opinion, so I can polish something with poetry. Thanks!
Hi, dear Risty! Good poetry and I am glad to see you rhyme the verse and know how to do it. So, I have a question: why is the rhyme weak in the last stanza and if the last line is just a joke? You see, when I started reading and admiring your verse I expected something absolutely diffent at the end!
Anyway, I like it with your end as it started sounding funny for me! Thank you! It is one of the best I have read on this challenge.
Setareh, I want to cry now..hahaha! what a crazy girl I am, I really miss my parents, I can act like a baby when they are around..kidding! (they are always seeing me as tough and independent, but deep within me, I really need them here.)
It is humane and just to value our parents, love and respect them should be in high regard.
Vangie, thanks for the support and lovely words! I do believe that every emotion makes us more human, not faking it or minus deception. I'm trying my best to be very honest, although I can't completely lay all my cards.. haha! Luckily, I'm happy people in EC can bear with me, accept me as I am with my imperfections. That's why I'm enjoying my stay here. :)
My dear Serene, of course, MyEc is the panacea for English learners. :)
Onee, in anime and mangas I used to hear those words refer to older sister and nii-sama means older brother, do you like animes too?
Domo arigato!
Thanks dear Ristay for sharing..^.^
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