ESL Blogs

Okay, First I would like to say, Plural marriage is not a part of my culture ( it happens rarely and most of the people do not like it) though majority people of my country are Muslims and it is true. Here, in the most cases, when a man wants to marry for the second time common practice is he divorces his first wife. And, yes, if a woman wants to remarry or wants to leave her husband she does the same thing. But,another true is, in some cases it happens, I mean plural marriage, in the remote areas among uneducated people/ in unprivileged society ( percentage is still less). But, there is a strict rule for having wife more than one and it is male must get permission from his first wife. If not his first wife can suit a case against him and if he really did  not get permission before doing second marriage the second marriage has no value in the eye of the law and will be treated as elligal.

Now, look, where it happens and who do it, they like to use religion here. They say, Muslim males have permission up to  four wives! But, really it is? You should know, there are many buts and it seems to me finally in most of the cases, it is impossible to get more than one wife if anybody follows the instructions properly.

See, in some very specific cases, plural marriage or having a second wife can be a solution...

1. If a woman is too sick, if she can not live a marital life but despite the fact she wants to stay with her husband. And, yes, there a few woman who do not want to loose their husbands, may be due to poor financial condition, may be lack of education or family support! Where they will go?

2. If a woman can not give birth of a child but her husband wants to have a child and the woman agrees to let her husband get another wife ( if they really agree). But, in this point we should remember now many health related problems are curable than before. Now after taking proper medication and treatment many couples have their own kids that was impossible before.

But, whatever it is, males have to get permission before having second wife. And, it is also true, women are not allowed to have more than one husband. If they want to remarry they have to divorce their first husbands. So, only solution is to suit a divorce case! Yes, why women are not allowed having more husbands, one reasonable answer is it will create problem to identify the fathers of the kids. Though, now modern science also have found a solution of it by  genetic code testing. But in my understanding, it is not a matter of competition between man and woman, to me man and woman both should have one partner not more! Another point just came into my mind, if a woman has more than one husband she will be under another pressure, in general, her second husband  will want to have at least one kid so it means woman will/will be bound to give birth more! That means, she will spend more time at home to give birth than to be a working lady! Her health will be in more risk!

But, what is the another picture around the globe/in western societies? Young men and women starting seeing each other, after a while they live together, is there a big difference between living together and being married? Purpose is the same, just in marriage there is a wedding, they pronounce some words, right? Then, why we value marriage as it is an old practice to be together? Yes, I know, marriage also has a social value, it is a good way to have kids and to raise them, it has a  moral value and  along with it religious aspects/value. So, who mix up with one/two/three girls or boys in their life and finally get  married with another one or one of them than what does it mean actually, those relationships were a kind of  marriage without uttering some words?! And, what it is when a man or woman has extra marital affairs? Is it also a kind of marriage without uttering some words ( religious of course) and with less  social acceptability?! In my opinion it is more bad than having a second wife, of course, who does it after getting his first wife's concern and there is a genuine reason ! Here,  I am mentioning again, without first wife's permission/assent second marriage has no value and if it happens the second woman will not get any social respect/ law related facility. But, do not think all men in my country (who do plural marriage) always maintain this rule. In many cases, they do not inform their first wives or just they do not care to do plural marriage and if the first wives raise their voices their men divorce them! But, yes, if women are bold enough then they are able to award them punishment by applying law and enforce authority.

So, what I want to say, In Islam plural marriage for men is allowed along  with many BUTS and it is applicable just in some special cases. It is not for fun and all Muslim males do not do it. In Middle east, most probably it existed before Islam, then they did marry more than four women. And, it is also true beyond Middle east in the past or in medieval period plural marriage was very much popular or a common thing among other societies, then wealthy men had hundreds wives or more.

Dear friends, I tried to tell you what happens in my country and what I think in this matter. As far as I can understand, no woman likes her husband  doing Plural marriage and no man does! And, in Islam, plural marriage is not mandatory, of course not! It is just a way out if specific situations arise, for normal situation one marriage is treated as the best!Okay, I hope I did not offend anyone here!