I'm trying to study for the Toefl exam, I just wrote an essay. Please correct it for me. Thanks so much!
Topic: Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Answer:
Both mall town and big city also have their advantages. To me, I prefer to live in a big city because of its services, good universities, job chance and big hospital.
The first reason why I like living in a big city is its services such as supermarkets, cinemas, sport center, beautiful parks, fast food stores, etc. I'm living in Ho Chi Minh city which is the biggest city in Vietnam. There is a good supermarket near my house, I can go to there within ten minutes by walking. When I have no time, I usually call for food. There are many choices for me and the deliveries are fast. Ten years ago, I lived in my hometown where is a small town and the market that nearest our house is 3 kilometer away. So we had to spent more time for shopping than now.
A big city has good universities, that is the second reason. In Vietnam, most good universities are located in Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh city. If you live in a small town and want to study at the university, you will have to go there and stay in a rent room. A person who moves to another city for studying usually has more difficulties than a person who living in there. When I moved from my hometown to this city, I had some problems with traffic. Three or four times, I looked in the map carefully but I still got lost and came to university later. Job chances in a big city are more than in a small town. In my hometown, people often have to pay money to get a job. In here, there are many jobs that require ability, skills, experiences but money. Therefore, people living in a big city can find a good job easier.
Finally, having big hospitals makes me want to live in a big city. Hospitals is not only needed for old people, everybody needs to go to hospital someday. My mother is living in our hometown and she has some diseases. She must go to hospital one or two times a year since 15 years ago. The hospital is far from our house so we take many disadvantages. All small towns in Vietnam lack dental care service. My sister is living in a small town, she wants to correct the position of the teeth but she can't find an orthodontist.
Because of above reasons, I prefer to live in a big city. Vietnam is still a poor country, its small towns lack services that I need. Living in a big city brings me more advantages and good chances.
Comments
Thanks a lot for your time and advice, Megaparsec and Camel. Your comments helped me to improve my english.
Megaparsec, I will be more careful.
Camel, When I write introduced part, I will try to have a larger point of view.
I notice some basic grammatical errors in your essay. They are just small mistakes but you should proofread more carefully to avoid losing mark on unimportant things.
1. So we had to spent more time for shopping than now.
2. Hospitals is not only needed for old people, everybody needs to go to hospital someday.
3. To me, I prefer to live in a big city because of its services, good universities, job chance and big hospital.==> it should be job chances and big hospitals because you already used plural for services and universities.
4. There is the difference between "chance" and "opportunity". I think you should use "job opportunities", "good opportunities" rather than using "chances"