You ask me whether I love you or not. In fact, it is very hard to imprison my emotions and thoughts to you inside a specific term, all of which are so impetuous, impish, stubborn, vivid, restless, vibrant, and mighty that as soon as they are confined, smashing down the term, would spread around lightening like the squib, which blast after going some distance towards the sky.
Why am I talking to you with so much complexity? Why don’t in easy way? How I could! If the emotions come out combining from my mind, and grow up gnarling with each other, and the thoughts, being caught with a naughty boy’s hand, get tangled, whereas even though I want them to be meek, then the essence, being poured down on the earth, would be absorbed in a moment as the water dispense from a wet cloth while two men by holding two corners keep contorting.
Yes, I am well informed of that affair, still I come because I can’t help myself coming. When I talk to you, and look at you; the disgrace, the regret, the humidity, the tiredness, the discontent, the torpidity, the impatience, and the depression, all of which resides within me start to fall down as yellow old leaves drop from a tree branch in the winter season. Afterwards, I started to be pleasant like the tree, at which green foliage has grown up in the spring. Sometimes, it would seem that I lie down like the snail and oyster at the bottom of the pond consisting compassion instead of water, and then I grow up like lily flowers. All the sloth and drowsiness of the world gather up in my eyes as they accumulate in the eyes of the pedestrian sitting in the shadow of a tree at noon of the hot summer, who has come by foot from very far. At length, your breath, having lifted me up, make me move upon the surface of the pond of smoothness along with the web.
Usually, my emotions and thoughts to you keep me alive. If, one day, all of my emotions and power of thinking are totally erased and all of the limbs of my body are inactive; nevertheless, I can only feel my hungry for food and desire for you, I will understand so well that I am living with my heart's content.
Being white cloud, you fill up my broad sky of loneliness. At the moment of lying down on the hope of getting sleep at night, I feel your presence so brilliantly as though I have got hallucination. In the moment of walking along the footpath of busy highway, I can see you clearly walking with me shoulder to shoulder while your lips and tongue are whispering in my ears. As I travel on a bus in the city or to home, you get on the bus in a hurry from any bus stops, then making the passenger standing very close to me move aside, you come so near to me. When I read a book, you spread your words upon white pages of the book between the gaps of the black words printed upon the page.
After a lot of senseless wandering on the flat land, when I become ineffective, then we two set off to the mountain. Having reached at the bottom of the mountain, we start to mount up without the help of any instruments and so swiftly that the expertise mountaineers of the Sherpa would tremble in fear. Just as we reached at the top, which is entered into the vast cloud like a sharpen faced bamboo cane, we shout as tremendously as if we, in our inside, having broken into pieces, are crackling like the puffed rice on the very hot sand, and then get out through our lips parted like the sparks made by the impinge between a rotating disk and a rod both of them made of iron.
Sometimes, ignoring the busyness, alienation, and monotony of the metropolitan life, you and I go to the ocean, then start diving into the web of the sea, which come repeatedly to the shore making uproar and lifting up their hood like the wild viperous snakes. Meanwhile, our physical strength came to its last level. At that moment, the ocean draws our weak and tired body to the deep with the help of the tide as in childhood, we children would draw each other while one sitting on the outer covering of a nut tree. In the comparison of our pace, the difference between clear blue sky and the same colored ocean keep diminishing. Then, gradually, blue become gray, and we get asleep at the top of the sky and at the same time also at the bottom of the ocean. After a lot of time has passed, we awake from our profound unconsciousness due to the chattering of birds, the crying of crickets, and the hissing of the wind. After awakening from the deep sleep, we apprehend that we are lying down on the shore of the isolated island covered with wild nature.
Every day at the approach of the evening, when the sun begins to incline to its night time adobe, we start running, like the rebel boy and the girl, along the narrow path through a condensed paddy field. When our leg become weak owing to weariness, we come to stand still. Then, holding our essence with both of our hands, we unroll it to the horizon as the adorer offer oblation to the God. Then, after a sudden oblivion, we comprehend that our bodies have become as thin, fresh and delicate as paddy plants. The wind from the north make us sway, and we fall upon each other, sometimes on the left, and sometimes on the right as well as backward and forward. Then we keep on being erect and falling.
In my shabby room, around which there is no tree, in the moment of my drowsiness, I envisage me as a hollow balloon, and you are entering into it in the disguise of the wind consisting oxygen; therefore I appear to swell up in my own form. As soon as I try to imprison you inside me, you go out as speedily as though the wind goes out through a tiny hole of a swelled balloon. At once, I apprehend that I am lying down upon my bed like the dead skin of the snake, and my whole body is shivering because of acute pain, and some void is pressuring against my heart constantly.
At a snail’s pace on the way to sleep, I perceive that you, being thick mist, surround me in your own form, and I am descended down slowly. After that, in trying to ascend as soon as I consider to touch you, someone tells me in my ear whispering that you aren’t even at the furthest spot from me. You have past that spot already.
You know, every moment of accompanying with you, our conversation continues, at which there is no subject to be left. As I talk to you, you look at my face. But, sometimes, you make me stop and start to express your emotions and thoughts as in a way as though the wild-beast, recently imprisoned in a zoo, being free, tend to move forward at the top of his speed. In the meantime, door and window of my ear start to be open so that your emotions can enter into another time and space without any trouble; such as: having entered enter into any wormholes of a big black-hole, a living man could reach into such a time when even our universe didn’t exist or just after the big bang or a space thousands of light years far off one side of the wormhole or a very different galaxy, from where the light haven’t reached yet.
Then I cast both of my eyes upon your face. Dancing of your eyeball, squinting upward and downward slightly, suddenly endeavor to look at the very distant place through crowd of man, stopping to talk due to unknown thinking; then after little pause, again starting to talk, quivering of your lips like the lorry which is running on a rough road, widening and constraining of your eyebrows, kilting and then slacking of the skin between of your two eyes, rolling of the disk of smile upon your face, and sometimes, approaching and vanishing of some signs of the disturbance on your face as the mice move upon the floor at night, and after vanishing all of the emotions, a still web struck on your face like the motionless web of the desert when there is no wind. Everything above described I feel before my eyes and at the same time within my mind.
Our conversation, you know, is not only between you and me, but between me and myself also. You enter into me in your own form with the essence of mine. We unite ourselves in order to give birth to you and me. We are the work of art of our combined endeavor, persuasion and diligence. After we have mixed up with each other in obsession, we keep creating ourselves. Then we, new born, stand up side by side, and sometimes divide from each other, and sometimes wage a battle between us.
You know so well that the people around talk with each other about me that I live very lonely life, don’t want to come out of my room; almost every moment I am indisposed to the whole world, and I have no company with friend, even I don’t have a girlfriend. In a jolly conversation, instead of taking participation, I become indifferent, and the other doesn’t perceive whether I am presence or not. Accidently, if I am in a circle of known people, in the fear of chatting and not, I insert myself into me like the snail when it feels the existence of man very near to it. I keep distance from almost every kind of social program. Nevertheless, just see, if they feel only one moment of our conjugation life, then they will be surprised to see our vividness and flying in the sky like a couple of the sparrow. They also could understand that even though I am as motionless as the tranquil surface of the deep water, but in very deep where even the sunlight can’t reach we are flashing like a supernova.
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