ESL Blogs

My dear friends! You know, since I joined EC, I have never slept well and I have seen a lot of different nightmares. This time my nightmare was mostly provoked by your typos. You know that English spelling is not a piece of cake. Only one wrong vowel may change the meaning of a word and a whole sentence. So, here are the words and expressions that made me see one more nightmare.

1. “A battle palm/leaves”.  What should I imagine reading it? I do imagine a very aggressive plant trying to put off with the humanity! Sure, the author meant a betel palm and its leaves/nuts.
2. “People are eaten leaves.” What a nightmare! Poor people! It makes me think that all the trees on our planet decided to take a revenge on us! Yes, they are right, we do deserve it! But I am sure that the author meant some people chew the leaves and nuts of the betel palm. Be aware of the passive voice!
3. “I am eating a branch.” NO, no! I don’t want to imagine an educated well-dressed lady eating a branch of a tree at business lunch! The meal we have between breakfast and lunch time is brunch.
4. “I am having a launch.” Sure, she meant “lunch” but I see a lady being put on orbit or launching me there!
5. “Don’t put off your shoes walking on the wet ground.” I am really thankful for care but I don’t know what I shouldn’t do with my shoes. For you to realize the humor, TO PUT OFF may mean: a) to postpone; b) to get rid of; c) to turn off (electricity); d) to spurn, to antagonize. Sure, she wanted to tell me not to take off my shoes walking on my flooded lot.
6. “I suffer from heal pain.” Let me say I don’t feel like making fun of that but…. First of all, TO HEAL is a verb and we can’t use it as an attribute. Besides, if a wound heals it doesn’t hurt any longer. I guess she wanted to say her heels hurt when she walks too long.

I hope the author will forgive my posting this blog. She has a very good sense of humor and if we all reacted to our mistakes like her, the world would be much better and much saver.

Now relax and enjoy my other nightmare!

As usual, I woke up at the sunrise. I looked up and around and immediately closed my eyes. I thought I was still dreaming. I carefully opened one eye, looked up and didn’t see either the ceiling or the sky. I opened the other and looked around. To my dismay I saw myself surrounded by the wall of palm trunks. I shook my head trying to come to but there was no result. The dense tropical forest was still there and looked very warlike and threatening. I tried to examine and to see my body. Yes, I still had all my limbs and the military uniform on but no boots. I sighed with relief, “”My war nightmares are back! No problem!” I thought, “I will wake up soon.” But it was far from that. I suddenly felt unbearable pain in my left shoulder. I knew the wound had healed after the injury but it hurt so badly that I couldn’t think. I decided to look for the pain-reliever in my pockets and found my cell. I tried to call 911, my wife, my friends but there was no connection and I realized I was doomed to die in that jungle! I decided to relax and to think why I was barefooted and what to do. I saw a lot of dead fish all around! There were so many fish bones that it was impossible to walk bare! I started recalling the previous day and the wise advice of my friend who had told me not to put off my boots. But it was really interesting to know what I had done with them. Had I decided to put them on later or refused from wearing them once and forever? Had they bothered me so badly? Suddenly, I heard the voice: ”Get up, you do know how to survive in the jungle, just do something!” It was the voice of my deceased commander and I followed the order. I knew I had to eat something first of all as I was starving. Again, I recalled my friend who said the leaves were eatable and I thought “Thank you, dear! Your advices may save my life!” I broke off a branch of the palm hoping to eat some leaves and nuts but the leaves became very aggressive and attacked me. They were about to have me for lunch! I threw the branch away, took a few nuts and ate them up……

WOW! A few minutes later I felt as if being launched to the orbit! It was so great! I saw everything beneath. I saw my former university students getting their doctorates.  I saw all EC members speaking fluent English. I saw my green planet without borders where people live in peace and understanding trying to help each other forgetting about the cultural differences and mutual hostility. I saw all people be like one.

But it was just a dream. When I woke up at last, I thought I had eaten too many betel nuts! And I thought I would have them more often!