My dear friends! I am really happy to see so many replies to my last challenge! Many of your stories are very good. This time you haven't been limited with some special vocabulary, but, to my great surprise, some of your stories are flat and drab. Some of them miss culmination, some miss rapidly moving events, some of them were expected to express a great idea but the authors have failed in its expression. On the other hand, there are a few great stories which deserve to be read and awarded.
So, here is my idea. I am posting all thrilling stories written as the replies to my challege. I propose you to read and critisize them all including your own.
Any story should have an idea the author wants to express. It should have a plot, culmination and upshot. Sometimes, the last phrase makes all the story. Besides, as a piece of literature, it should be read well. I am not a professional writer, but I am a professional reader and I do know what a pageturner is! You start reading and can't stop!
So, to make a long story short, I am posting the stories looking forward to your critics. Besides, I ask you all to choose the story you like best. All the stories are corrected.
No 1.
You may know in the North__ and East__ hemisphere summer days are usually very long! Onsuch a long humid day I heard this story from my grandmother, are you interested to listen? Well, if you are then sit down beside me, I will tell you.
In my Granny’s village there was a man named Rahim. He was enthusiastic about fishing. And, mostly he liked to go fishing very early in the morning.
That night it was very windy outside. And, it had been raining for a long time. So Rahim was a bit confused to go fishing. Moreover, he could not guess the time properly. You may understand, in those days watches were not so available for the village people.
When he was debating, he heard a knock on the door, it was so faint! But, he couldinstantly recall that he had made a plan with his close friend Ata to go fishing. So, he got up and went to open the door.
__They were__half way to the river. Suddenly Rahim felt he was alone so he turned back sharply. But, there was Ata and he was smiling!
‘Hey, why are you so silent today?’, asked Rahim in a bit nervous voice. But Ata did not response rather he raised his hand to move on.__ It was still dark outside. So, Rahim could not see Ata’s face properly but nobody knows why he sensed something weird.
They were near the swamp. Rahim thought the sun was about to rise but in reality it wasthe dead of night! That night Ata always remained silent and took position behind him. Suddenly, Rahim found he had left his fishing rod at home. So, he said, ‘Ata, I have to go back to get my rod’, and he looked back. But, there was nobody and he found the dimmed moon in the north horizon!
Later, some other fishermen found him almost half-alive and half-buried in__ the marsh land, His body smelled fishy. And, when he was carried back home he heard Ata came to invite him for fishing!
No 2.
For a very long time __, since the times when the humanity did not know the use of feathers and ink,yet, there lived an Old Lady. She had been living there for ages, far away from civilization. She lived near__ the ocean somewhere in the enchanted and always snowy Iceland.
People rarely saw her, but those who once in a while got a glimpse of her, thought of her as of a witch even though she looked pretty cute. They were afraid of her, thought of her as of evil. So are human_ minds, what they cannot relate to, they condemn.
They were afraid of the light that was around the Old Lady's house, they thought it was some of her tricks to lure them into a trap, because the light was so spellbinding. Rumors went that she ate people's liver.
One day the villagers gathered up courage and with torches and weapons __walked towards the Old Lady's house. They beat her and tired her, there was no mercy in theraging crowd’s hearts. Among them, she was the only one with a pure heart, except __ the silent child, who was looking at that atrocity.
They threw The Old Lady into the ocean. Things got silent, suddenly the silent child spoke, "it is the Northern Light" pointing behind the Old Lady's house.
No 3.
It is not your usual afternoon class cutting trip, we’re heading to the fields to do some tree climbing, to pick our favorite fruit, alatiris, eat at the top of the tree and exchange silly stories, the plan is brilliant…unfortunately...
As we are walking__ to the area, we happen to see two other high schoolboys from different school, they are beating someone, another high schoolboy, currently bloody but they aren’t done, yet. The thought that it is only a petty fight has suddenly gone __, as one of the boys picked up a big stone and to our appall he has struck the boy’s head with it, ended up killing him. We have been frozen by that act, and when they noticed that some eyes are staring, they looked at us and all of a sudden, to my terror, they started running after us, trying to reach my friend’s hair. Luckily due to some tree climbing skill and the knowledge that we know the shortcut, we climbed up the wall to hide somewhere…and to make it more dreadful, we watched them from the hidden place, we saw how they lifted the body and threw it in the rice fields where its blood will blend with the murky water and sink….
Fortunately, I woke up….
No 4.
Dream Dreaming
I was sleeping on the sofa when mom woke me up and asked me to move _to my room because we had guests. I did what she said and went straight __to my bed. I fell asleep and woke up again, looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair was tied into ponytail. It hadn’t been my hair style before I slept I guess, that time I started feeling something weird. Soon I opened the door and it was dark and foggy. Damn! I was trapped in my dream again. Because I fell asleep twice, I had to wake up twice in order to get my consciousness back and bring myself to reality. Actually it was easy, let’s search the place I sleep as a check point. But believe me, dream world is not a good place to explore it alone. During my way back, I met many people with scary faces. It reminded me of the last horror movie I had seen “Insidious”. That recalling process just made the things worse, I see almost all of the ghosts from that movie here, But, don’t worries. They won’t kill me. The only way to keep me stay here is to increase my anxiety and I won’t give up easily, all I need is just a clear mind and keep moving.
I am running as hell __ noticing a lousy four legged creature after me. I saw the cringed face at a glance. I ran as fast as I could and then I saw it, the sofa where I had slept before. I jumped onto that sofa and when I landed I suddenly found myself awoke seeing the back of my mom who was staring through the window. It was daylight, thanks God I am back! I was breathing fast and sweating badly, “I had a bad dream, mom, why didn’t you wake me up?” Mom turned to me and I saw it again, the cringed face of that lousy creature.
No 5.
The Perfect ”Love” Recipe
“How long haven’t I stepped out of the village?” I asked myself. “1102 days.” But today is the beginning of a new calendar. I’m on the long way and my bus is leaving. While I am staring at the rising sun, an overweight policeman recognizes me. “I’m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Huber. You are a model __ wife in our village. Thank you for teaching my wife your marvelous recipes.” I am smiling. It is a smile from the bottom of my heart, but only my husband could understand its true meaning.
Seven days ago, when I was washing piles of dishes after a wonderful dinner, my 360 pound husband was lying on the couch watching TV. What a typical picture of a happy couple! All of a sudden, I heard that something fell down on the floor. My radar told me the great moment I had been waiting for three years was about to come. Poor Huber was clasping one hand to his heart and was moaning like a tone deaf goat, “Help…” I squinted at him out of the corner of my eye and picked up the remote control to turn up__TV. “No one will hear you, my darling.”
I held back my excitement and continued to say: “Three years ago, I was kidnapped and sold to you like an animal. When I realized there was no chance to escape, I started planning how to kill you without being punished. One day I was enlightened by a fat little boy who was eating big Macs, fries and donates. Since then, I’ve been cooking delicious overdone food with much salt, __ fat and __ sugar. Making sure that the calories you took in were three times over the amount your body needed was my daily work. You know what? Birds of a feather flock together. Almost all your friends loved my lethal weapon so much that my murder plan was considered as a proof of true love. You were the most thankful fan of my sudden death recipe. Now, rest in peace after the heart attack.”
I watched as he gasped his last breath with a twisted face. After I had finished my vegetable salad, I decided the last act of the show was to make believe I was a broken hearted widow.
No 6.
The Moon was in full. Kate woke up in the middle of the night and felt a bit thirsty. She went to the kitchen and had a glass of water. Suddenly... she heard something. Firstly, she thought she was wrong but no, noo.. She heard it again. It was some whispering voice but she had no idea, where it was coming from. She was so scared that it took her some time to focus and realize that, in fact, that whispering voice was her own voice calling her name! Scared to death she was slowly following it when, all of a sudden, she found herself standing in front of the mirror. "Is it possible?" she asked with her mouth open. In the mirror, she saw an 80 year old woman__ with the wrinkled face and long grey hair whispering: "Kateeee, I am you and you are meeeeee, give me your hand and come to meeeee!" Kate was shaking with fear feeling so frightened that she couldn't say a word. In a while she started feeling something weird! Oh nooo! Her body was getting older and older second by second : her skin was shrinking; the grey hair was falling out and that woman was still whispering: "Kateeee, come to meeeee.....look what is going on with youuuuu.." That all was ging too fast...now Kate was almost at the age of her older version in the mirror. Time was passing and she had no other options but to take a risk and to give her hand, otherwise she would soon die here!!! While she was about to give her hand, her inner voice said: "Noooo, don't do it!" Exhausted, terrified Kate pullled herself little bit together and broke the mirror with all her hatred, fear and frustration..... She thought those were the last moments of her life, she was sure it was the end.. However she was wrong because all that nightmare was gone together with the broken mirror. She couldn't believe her eyes! She was young again and apart from the broken mirror and herbleeding hand and everything around came back to normal. It was peaceful night again. Later after treating her hand and relaxing a little bit, she went back to her bed. After some minutes she heard whispering voice saying: "Sleep well, Kate!" Luckily.. it was her husband...OR NOT?
Have a great Halloween season!
Comments
My dear friends! I think that everyone has already expressed his opinin on the thrilling stories. In any case, I can announce the results and name the winners.
To my great pleasure, we all have been almost as one on this. So, here are the results.
I. Story 5 and its author Jade.
II. Story 6 written by Luci.
III. Stories 4 (Peppo) and 3 (Risty).
All the authors will get a great fiction "IT" by Stephen King, the famous master of horrors.
Thank you all for your great stories!
Dear Jade! Thank you so much for your great comment! I am still fine as we rarely eat at home! Ha-ha!
I’m so happy to know you like my story No.5 !! I was about to share my opinion on all the other stories, but this time, I prefer standing up for myself and have a debate as Danny wishes. (Obviously, the words below are exaggerated.) Some of you may think that technically my story is not a thrilling story, but in fact it is and it is the highest level. ( LOL) It depends on our perspective.
In modern society, many thrilling elements is not as thrilling as many years ago. Because many supernatural phenomena can be explained by science. Psychos may have the tendency to kill dramatically, but in reality, thanks to the development of criminal investigation technology, there will always be evidences, witnesses and the bodies can tell us so much if we do an autopsy. In the end, they can’t escape from the arm of the law. So when we read the traditional thrilling stories, the sense of thrill is leveled down. But mine is not a traditional one.
For most of us, death is the ultimate fear. But the ultimate of the ultimate fear is the fact that everyone may get away from murder if the murder itself is not written on any statute book. Not to mention that it is happening in millions of families and restaurants. That’s what my story is talking about. It’s thrilling REALITY. It’s thrilling not only because it’s an ideal murder, but also because it’s a murder in the name of LOVE. Love is widely considered to be the cure for almost everything, but can you imagining that the cold flash from the bloody lethal weapon is just the side effect of it-- the blindness. If a murder is practiced under the cover of love and the murderer wrap it as a sugar bullet, how many of us can survive? The feeling of realistic thrill is leveled up.
Do you feel thrilling now? Even if it is a dark thrilling story, it tells us a very positive message. If you consider the overweight problem more seriously than before, we both win. Maybe next time don’t buy rubbish food for your beloved ones and do eat more vegetable and control the intake of salt, fat and sugar. Wish everyone of us good health. Thank you.
( On the other hand, you all know the recipe…ಠ౪ಠ…Dear Danny, how are you? )
A few words about other stories. I like story No.6 and No.2 as well. No.6 is thrilling from the beginning to the end. The usage of the words with long tailsssss is very smart. There’s a horror movie illusion. No.2 Although there was a feeling of despair after I read the story, its idea is very meaningful. Why the author made the old lady killed at last? That’s the bloody fact of the real history. Sometimes humans tend to learn lessons from the blood only.
My like-wise list (mine is not included):
Dear Risty! Your story matches the genre. Such stories must be thrilling and voilent. Everything is OK, dear!
Sir Dan, I don't want unfair nature, I didn't judge my story because I will be biased about it, but okay.I will consider it the least as it was so brutal and gory to categorize. Not a good one.
Dear Risty! Thanks for your great comment! It is a pity you didn't analyze your own story and estimated it so unfair!
Hello, Everyone! I will try to give my words to describe how I absorbed the stories in this challenge.
No. 1 It has a similar folklore in my country, those water spirits or water fairies who want to get their victim by using human body/character to deceive their prey. This is not so exciting, rather melancholic for me,and I was left puzzled. But a very impressive attempt to conceptualize this tho not so frightening for me.
No. 2 I remember days of witch and wizardry puts in execution, those inquisition days that if you're shy, timid, living alone they will tag you as a witch and they will set you on fire. The story is really sad rather than thrilling, slow pace and doesn't have too much culmination as Sir Dan is always saying. But I could consider the story peculiar in nature and something that has a moral lesson.
No.4 This is like a story of an astral projection and lost soul inside one's dream, for me, this is suspenseful and scary I can safely say.
No. 5 Oh myyyyyyyyy! Who wrote this? I read so many stories about evil people, how they planned, conceptualized, staged assaults...tho this one looks similar but for me, I can surely say this one is really well-written. Very good for thrilling.....:D Like like like!
No.6 A story like past and future, that the future wants to ruin the present. Cool, but not considered scary.
Guys, I have a high tolerance which is scary and not , a personal perception. I did not include my story, as it is for me sounds gory. And I will rank the stories;
No. 6
No. 5
No. 4
No. 2
No. 1
No. 3
Congrats guys!
Dear Shoba! Thank you very much for the comment and your opinion. I think we all like Stories 5 and 6 most!
I love No.5 and No.6 most! The idea of No.5 is amazing. The murderer is very clever and finds a way to kill her husband without arousing suspicion. This "love recipe" reminds me of the proverb "Revenge is a dish best served cold." And she did it with her delicious dishes!
No.6 is well written and gave me the shivers.
N0.3 is also a good thrilling story.
My like wise list.
1. No.5
2. No.6
3. No.3
4. No.4
Dear Luci! Thanks for your great comments! Sure, it is good to be self-critical, but I am glad you know when to stop. Story 6 doesn't need any improvement. It is so bright and emotional! Thank you!
I will add a few words about Story 5. A psycho kills differently. His actions are unpredictable and senseless. As to the main character of this story, her murder was well thought-out to be an ideal one. Who will suspect a wife, an inconsolable widow, who took VERY good care of her man in bad intentions? This story is superb and I feel, my wife started following this recipe as she cooked dinner on Thursday! I mean is so irregular for us! Ha-ha-ha!
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