ESL Blogs

Dear friends! This time my nightmares are based on your wrong answers to my grammar test. As you can see, it is unnecessary for me to read your blogs or comments to have a lot of fun! I believe you all realize that I post such tests for you to master your knowledge and not to surprise others with the expressions I have to correct. Live and learn! So, this time I have learned a lot! Honestly, most of your answers were just fantastic. However, I have chosen a few which stroke my imagination. For you to understand my story, I will post my wrong sentences together with correct. Are you ready to read all that mess again?!

1. Incorrect. On table before a deadly man a tray with dinner was standing not being served by flight attendant.

Correct. On the table before the dead man stood a tray with dinner which hadn’t been served by a flight attendant.

2. Incorrect. She heard some strange noise going outside. Held a baby on arms, she went to the overlooking the river window so that she saw what went on.

Correct. She heard some strange noise coming from outside. Holding a baby in her arms, she came up to the window overlooking the river to see what was going on.

3. Incorrect. Being walked at the park by my dog, I ran on my old friend who said he hadn’t known we moved to the other country both.

Correct. Walking my dog in the park, I ran into my old friend who said he didn’t know we both had moved to another country.

4. Incorrect. Going back from work I saw my wife’s sitting a cake in oven I didn’t want to eat as I kept a diet for long.

Correct. Having come back from work, I saw my wife set a cake into the oven but I didn’t want to eat the cake as I had been keeping a diet for long.

5. Incorrect. I have never thought I will have my occupation be changed due to I moved to the other country.

Correct. I never thought I would have to change my occupation due to moving to another country.

Despite a lot of mistakes, the sense of my sentences is clear enough. Now, let’s see what you managed to learn from them.

1. “Being not served by the flight attendant, a dead man was standing on a tray before the table.” Hahaha! What a great fantasy! How is it possible to find such information in my sentence?!
2. “She was holding her baby in her arms from inside.” Oh, man! Was she a sadist? Did she want to take all organs and guts out of her baby? What a horror!
3. “She had heard some strange noise and went outside. Holding a baby in her arms, she went to the window overlooking the river so that she saw what was going on.” Can you understand what happened? If the noise was outside and she went out, why did she go back to the window? If she had looked into the window from outside, she would have seen her room. If she wanted to see it, what for she went out? Where is logic?
4. “I have never thought I would be changed my occupation.” If I don’t even mention the tenses which are a true horror themselves, it is unbelievable that somebody can change my profession without my knowing about it!
5. “My wife was putting a cake in the oven which I didn’t want to eat.” My dear friends! I don’t eat my kitchen equipment! If I ate up our new stove, my wife would refuse from cooking forever and I would starve to death! Hahaha!
6. “My wife set a cake I didn’t want to eat in the oven despite keeping a diet.” According to this great sentence, when I keep a diet I usually eat in the oven for nobody to see me eat what I shouldn’t. However, that day I changed my mind and refused from eating in such an uncomfortable place!
7. “Walking my dog in the park, I ran to my old friend.” If you see a person you know walking the street, do you really run up to him? You may quicken your pace but you will not run for sure! People don’t behave like that! My dog could run up to a man but not me!
Now, I’d like to present you my new nightmare story created by my weird imagination. Enjoy!

I was woken up by the strange noise coming from outside. I started listening. The desperate mewing was alternating with the heavy thuds hitting the ground. I rolled out of my bed and came up to the window to see what was going on. What I saw was really funny! My obese male cat was trying to jump onto the windowsill from outside and every time he jumped up, he failed and crashed to the ground mewing. I felt pity for my cat! At least, he was the only one more male in our family! I tried to lean out of the window but I couldn’t, something bothered me! I drew myself up, came up to the mirror and was about to faint! I saw a stranger who was as obese as my cat! My belly looked like that of a woman bearing twins right before the delivery!
“Too much beer and pizza!” I thought. “It is time to go on a diet!” and immediately felt very thirsty and hungry!
However, I wanted to help my cat and somehow leaned out of the window hoping to catch him in the air during his next attempt. He jumped up again and I managed to catch him but my hands easily went through his fatty body and I realized that I was holding him from inside! It was terrifying! I felt all his fatty organs, his spine, his full stomach and guts! I thought,
“I have to keep a diet for sure! I don’t want to suffer from hepatic steatosis!” but I was starving badly!
Finally, I pulled him in and took my hands out of his body expecting to hear his last breath but nothing happened although he was scared and didn’t want to jump off my arms. I didn’t mind it but the strange noise was heard again. Holding the cat in my arms, I came out to see if something else was happening. Standing in the backyard and looking around I heard some grinding sound coming from inside the house. I came up to the windows and looked inside but saw nothing. So, I came in trying to find the source of that nasty sound. It was coming from the kitchen together with the mouth-watering smell of a freshly baked cake. I entered and saw my dog dancing around the stove wagging her tail and trying to open the oven with her teeth! There was a cake, so delicious and so desirable! I was starving for sure! I wanted to open the oven but my dog had already bit off and chewed up its part together with the handle and it turned out to be impossible! When I kept a diet, I usually ate in the oven so that nobody could see me but that time it seemed to be hopeless! I returned to my bedroom willing to dress myself and to go out. I felt really hungry and thirsty! Putting on my pants I saw a business card fall out of the pocket. I picked it up, read my name and, to my great surprise, found out that my major, my occupation, my academic title had been changed by someone during one night! My business card informed everyone that I was EC Senior scoffer and butcher! I couldn’t help swearing!
“…What’s the hell? How come, someone could change my occupation without my knowing about it?!” But I was starving and dehydrating and had to go out. As usual, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and took my dog with me.
Walking to the nearest restaurant, I suddenly saw my colleague. I wanted to run up to him and to ask what was going on but seeing a bulk with a big dog nearing him, my colleague immediately jumped into the car, put his foot down and hit the accelerator as hard as he could. The wheels screamed and he vanished from my sight.
At last, I entered the restaurant, sat down at my favorite table by the window and asked a waiter to bring me a keg of beer and a roasted piglet. Waiting for my order, I couldn’t help thinking about the reasons of such great changes in my life. The day before, I had been a slender man with a trained body and brain. I taught people some chemistry and some English and was sure that knowing both would never bother them. Yes, I did correct their mistakes but I had never wanted to kill my students or get rid of them! I started recalling all their and my mistakes and…. went to sleep.
I was woken up by some strange noise again! I blinked my eyes, opened them and saw a crowd of people leaning over me. I heard them say I was dead but I was not! I looked at the table and saw nothing I had ordered! I looked at my watch. I had ordered lunch long before! It started getting on my nerves! Since when did we have to wait for hours to be served?! I saw a waiter passing by with an empty tray. I snatched the tray from his hands, crashed it to the floor and started tap dancing on it so that my waiter would pay attention to me! At last, he heard that call of the wild, came up and said,

“Sorry, Sir! We all thought you were dead. Dead people don’t eat. I will bring your order.” And he brought it a few minutes later. I started eating and drinking so noisily and greedily that I choked and… woke up!
I was sitting at my desk with my head lying on something very soft, hairy and purring. I opened my eyes and saw my male cat. He was really obese! I raised my head and saw the computer screen with the page from my last grammar test. I smelled a mouth-watering freshly baked cake and thought I was still sleeping. But I looked back and saw my wife standing in the doorway smiling. Seeing my bewilderment, she said,
“Danny, you were complaining of starving to death while sleeping and I decided to bake your favorite cake and to cook dinner.” I looked at my cat and replied,
“Darling, if I were as fatty as him, would you live with me?” She laughed and said,
“Look at yourself! If you lose a few more pounds, I will hardly find you in our bed.”
She left and I came up to the mirror. I recognized a slender, well-trained man looking at me. He was very much like me but his grey hair and gaunt face made me think we both needed more food, drinks and hair dye.

Hahhahaha!