I want to talk about my friend that her name is Aya, I knew her in first grade at university in English department. First day I hated her so much but one day we had a lecture and she wasn't there I asked her friend to give me her number and I informed her that we had a lecture and after that she came and thanked me, it was the beginning of our friendship. Day by day we loved each other more and more now we are like sisters we solve each other's problems if one day she don't come to university I will visit her home .....thanks for reading my blog please tell me if I have any mistakes.. thanks again
Hi Arez. I just read your first blog and also read the comments from Ina and Lucy. First let me say that it is a good first blog Secondly, I was going to make about the same comments.
Lucy pointed out problems with the first sentence and a way you can fix it. It can also be made into two sentences, but (friend that her name is Aya) is a problem. If we talk about a person and their name we should say "friend whose name is Aya".
Ina pointed out that you tend to put several thoughts or sentences together in long complex sentences. That makes it harder for the reader to understand your thoughts. There are more sentences in your blog that can be simplified into two or three shorter sentences.
Before I tell you how to fix this I want to know that you show a talent for writing and I am thankful that Ina and Luci have taken on the role of big sisters to you. They are learners with a passion for writing and for helping others. I am glad that they found you.
How to fix the blog: Go back to My Blog. Select Options. Select Edit Blog Post. Your post will open in edit mode. You can then make edits and go to the bottom and select Publish Blog.
Some useful shortcuts are to copy the blog first and paste it into your word processor. There you can make all of your corrections more easily and copy-paste in the edit mode. One more very useful feature is Preview Post. You can choose this near the Publish Post link. The preview opens in a second window and is an easy place to see mistakes or things to change to improve the post. Don't forget to close this and go back and Publish Post.
As I said, I see that you have talent. Listen to your big sisters and keep writing. You are going to be an Englishclub success story one day soon. I may have mistakes due to the small phone screen and keyboard so please forgive them.
In one of your sentences, it's a long sentence of which personally I think it's better if you could divide it into a few sentences. "First day I hated her so much but one day we had a lecture and she wasn't there I asked her friend to give me her number and I informed her that we had a lecture and after that she came and thanked me, it was the beginning of our friendship". Maybe it can be re-written as a few sentences such as "First day I hated her so much but one day we had a lecture and she wasn't there. So I asked her friend to give me her number. I informed her that we had a lecture and after that she came and thanked me. It was the beginning of our friendship." I'm just a learner, so maybe I'm wrong.
arez, thanx for blog about your friend. Nice friendship you both have! As for mistakes.. Your first sentence I would change and delete from it THAT and then it continues ...I knew her in first grade at University... I would say I have known her since the first grade... So in my opinion the first sentence should be like this: I want to talk about my friend, her name is Aya and I have known her since the first grade.......
Comments
Lucy pointed out problems with the first sentence and a way you can fix it. It can also be made into two sentences, but (friend that her name is Aya) is a problem. If we talk about a person and their name we should say "friend whose name is Aya".
Ina pointed out that you tend to put several thoughts or sentences together in long complex sentences. That makes it harder for the reader to understand your thoughts. There are more sentences in your blog that can be simplified into two or three shorter sentences.
Before I tell you how to fix this I want to know that you show a talent for writing and I am thankful that Ina and Luci have taken on the role of big sisters to you. They are learners with a passion for writing and for helping others. I am glad that they found you.
How to fix the blog: Go back to My Blog. Select Options. Select Edit Blog Post. Your post will open in edit mode. You can then make edits and go to the bottom and select Publish Blog.
Some useful shortcuts are to copy the blog first and paste it into your word processor. There you can make all of your corrections more easily and copy-paste in the edit mode. One more very useful feature is Preview Post. You can choose this near the Publish Post link. The preview opens in a second window and is an easy place to see mistakes or things to change to improve the post. Don't forget to close this and go back and Publish Post.
As I said, I see that you have talent. Listen to your big sisters and keep writing. You are going to be an Englishclub success story one day soon. I may have mistakes due to the small phone screen and keyboard so please forgive them.
You're very lucky.
Observation:
In one of your sentences, it's a long sentence of which personally I think it's better if you could divide it into a few sentences. "First day I hated her so much but one day we had a lecture and she wasn't there I asked her friend to give me her number and I informed her that we had a lecture and after that she came and thanked me, it was the beginning of our friendship". Maybe it can be re-written as a few sentences such as "First day I hated her so much but one day we had a lecture and she wasn't there. So I asked her friend to give me her number. I informed her that we had a lecture and after that she came and thanked me. It was the beginning of our friendship." I'm just a learner, so maybe I'm wrong.