ESL Blogs

During my childhood, my family was very poor. There were no electricity and water supplies to my home and probably no TV to watch in the ‘80s. Dad just take wages as a carpenter or sometimes work in orchards. When he has no house to build, he went into forests to selecting suitable trees and then cut the woods into pieces that will be used in building a house. Sometimes I accompany him into forests when requested by him. With his motorcycle 'Honda C50', we used to climb some quite steeply hill.

Oh, I haven’t yet to understand with all difficulties that burdened my dad that time. How dad all alone pulling woods himself while climbing the hill. Yes, I haven't understood anything probably because I was still a kid. Sometimes I slept in his thatched hut in the forest to accompany him. I do not know why he took me there because he didn’t ask me to do anything. I thought, maybe by looking at his son made him become more enthusiastic or be an inspiration for him to work hard.

 Early every morning, my dad went to work and only returned back home at twilight. Sometimes dad getting angry when found his children not yet came back. My family is pretty big. I have 5 brothers and a sister. But unfortunately, none of his sons were going to inherit his workaholic attitudes. Everyone with their own hobbies. When dad reprimanded, his kids just left out because don’t want to fight his words. But I wonder dad never prolongs it. Only when he was very tired after hard day, dad shows his hidden attitude shown us how bad temper he was. But we are still not understood. We considered Dad as an evil. There was a time I left a letter for dad that I want to run away from home. Lol. Where I want to go? I was 10 years old on that time. 

What I am proud about my siblings, we never complained with the difficulties of our lives. We don’t had chance to eat tasty foods. Usually we ate rice that served with dried fish and vegetables. Chicken? At least once a month, mom cooked for us. There were many times when returned back home from school I only found rice without side dishes was served. Because of very hungry, I added salt water to be eaten with rice. Sometimes I can hardly stand it. I can’t hold back my tears. But that’s okay, because of that, we were able to withstand being hungry for long periods. The resilience of our body probably quite nice because we only consumed foods which contained with balanced nutritional.  We were also not complained when lacking of food, not even requested dad to buy us unimportant things. Even the school spending, we never requested him to increases it because we knew he was unable to give more.

Although dad was poor and have many kids to feeds but dad was able to send us to school. None of his children who do not attends school.  Dad was a strict father.  Dad strictly ordered us to pursue religious teachings. And we are very grateful; by practicing religion we became obedient and pious children.

Dad, your struggled to support and feeds us is already done. You can rest if you want. But, you’re still with the workaholic habit. We are not understood what else you are searching for?

After married, now I realize the burdens that I am bearing on my own shoulder as a father. I am afraid and anxious with my son’s future. I may be able to grow up my son with the pleasure of life but is he capable to overcome difficult situations against all odds? Can he be self-reliant? Would he be an obedient son to their parents? Indeed, I was quite afraid and anxious, dad.

Dad,

Although you never mentioned your difficulties but the wrinkles on your faces told everything.

Although you never shows your love with words, hugs and kisses but we knew by only looking into your dim eye.

Although you never complained how tired you were in supported us, but we already knew when shook your rough hand or by looking at your cracked foot.

Although you have never shown us that you've cried a lot.

Dad,

Forgive us when our young heart revolt for freedom of futility. Now we knew that you don’t want us to be deflected away from our life values.

Forgive us because we called you an evil when got punished by you, whereas you taught us to be human.

Forgive us for our laziness when refused to help you, whereas dad trained us to be hardworking and self-reliant.

We won't able to pay all of your efforts even with money, not comparable with the sacrifice you did. Dad certainly never wants us to pay for him.

Thank you dad for everything!