ESL Blogs

One afternoon, he confirmed to meet me in the nearest park of our High school premises. I can't help it, my heart is pounding over and over again. When the class finally calls dismissal, should I say that I immediately packed my things just to see him? Okay, for the sake of truth, yes I am. I remembered how I started to have this feeling for him, that was two years ago.

Another year for us, new classmates, new room, and new environment. I was lucky enough to belong to what they called "cream of the crop" section. I met him there, when the first time I saw his face, I have some doubts in mind if we are the same age because he really looked like a year younger for me. He was snobbish, serious type and very quiet. I thought he was a good for nothing, that is why he preferred to be silent. Surprisingly, he was not. He was always on the top 10 when we have our examination papers, and anytime our teacher wants him to recite, he always had an answer to the question. How dear, I'm so fascinated.

As my friend told me, he is already there in our meeting place, I get so nervous I almost die. I don't know why? silly me. "I want this,right?...face him, once and for all... you have no idea what will happen after graduation, grab this opportunity now!." , my heart told me. I continue my walk and there he is, sitting in one of those old benches, when he noticed that I am approaching, he looked at me, same as always, his eyes are so deep, serious... like I'm going to melt. He told me to sit down, though beside him we still have that "space" in between. He asked me about my plans in college, I told him I will go to the city and study there. He said he will stay in our province to continue his college study, he wants to become an Engineer. I told him to wait, he affirmed. (by the way, sorry I didn't mentioned earlier that we know already that we have a crush on each other, that was no secret to our common friends. But because of that feeling we became odd to each other and never talked like before that we were friends. Until now.)

The above was happened way back 2003. And what is the year now? 2016? 13 years ago... but that feeling for him is the same as before, to make this story sad, we never had an official relationship.

This lines, I can't forget them, every night I still remember those...

"You want me to wait for you?" , I said.

"What's wrong? something wrong with the food you ate? or did you drink something weird?" , he answered.

"This is your last chance, if you will tell me to wait, I will wait for no matter how long, I will wait", I replied.

"you better sleep now, I think you are tired.", He ended the conversation.

Later on, he explained to me why he answered like that because he doesn't want me to wait and wait for nothing. He just wanted me to be happy with or without him. The jerk!

Finally, I decided to entertain suitors and gave my yes to someone, whom I really don't love. Just to escape, when my first love realized what I did, he pleads somewhere far enough to forget me. What on earth! I was already committed. And I have a high value with regards to commitments.

Another line from him, "Now, I realized that fate is not true, that if you are really meant for me, you will be mine. Reality taught me that I should do something instead of that fate, that you will be mine."

I cried.

Now, I am miles away, I still love him... and pledged not to love anyone to make myself suffer. I don't deserve that kind of love. I think I am not destined to be happy like normal people.

Long Lost Love, this blog is not enough, or my words are not enough to express this feeling that up to date is haunting me. You are in my head, through those sleepless nights.

Future readers, yes I know guys this is not a good piece, please bear with this. Thank you.