Dear Papa,
Today, I was driving to work when suddenly, I thought of you.
The last few years have been difficult for me.
Where were you?
My heart started feeling empty, yet heavy.
I began to wonder if you're thinking about me too.
It's been a long while, hasn't it?
Have you been well?
Happy?
I pray so.
I know this is unexpected of me to write to you.
It's something I've never done in the past.
It's a pity that we never got a chance to be together at all.
You weren't there to hold me when Mother gave birth to me.
You weren't there to give me a scolding whenever I'd get myself into trouble.
You weren't there to advise me when I wasn't sure about my future.
You missed out on all of the special events in my life.
But honestly, I don't remember ever missing you.
It's weird how I never felt jealous with other kids who have cool Dads.
It's funny how I never felt resentful though I never had anyone to call 'Father'.
It's pathetic that when Mother wanted to give me one, I rejected the thought.
Perhaps, it's because I was born without it, I grew up used to not having one.
I feel mostly contented with everyone and everything else I've been given.
All my life I never felt lacking...needing...longing...wanting....
It's silly that after all these years, only now I'm starting to feel that I lost you.
Only now I'm starting to wish that you were here.
Only now I'm starting to wonder how my life would have been if you were around.
Mother said you passed away exactly a month before I was born.
We visit your grave every year to pay respect to someone I never knew.
I have neither photographs nor memories of you.
Instead, she gave me a name that will constantly remind me of yours.
The only legacy that I can be proud of.
To know that I am my father's daughter.
That I owe you my existence.
That though I was deprived of a chance of knowing you, I can still love you, nonetheless.
Now, looking back and remembering my past and all the things I went through in life.
Though your presence is never seen, I wanna think that you let your presence to be always felt.
All this time you were watching your daughter grow.
Like during those days I was having the time of my life, somewhere in your own world, you were probably celebrating my success and achievements also.
The time it seemed like I was wandering all alone in this world, I bet you were walking along with me so not to lose my way.
That moment I almost died in a car accident, you must be the one who pleaded with God not to take me away too soon for the sake of my child.
And today when tears were trying to escape my eyes, you too were crying, weren't you?
It may be too late to say, but now that I think about it....
I missed you, after all, Papa!
Love,
-Ohnie-
Comments
I'm not gonna pretend as if I know or understand your relationship with your father.
Coz honestly, I don't.
I just hope that things will get better between you two.
Thank you for sharing your feelings here, Kean.
(^_*)
Tawfeeq, you said it better than I did, I think. I couldn't agree more. Thank you for understanding my feelings.
Fief, thank you for visiting this blog. It's sad to know that we suffered the same fate. I wouldn't wish anyone to grow up away from or without parents. But it seems like you grew up well, Fief. I supposed credit goes to your Mother? And you are probably surrounded by wonderful people also. By the way, this isn't my first blog. I have posted quite a bit already here on EC. (^_*)
Forget-Me-Not, I sure won't forget your kind comments.
Zul, I'm glad to find another happy and contented soul in this messy world.
Good for you.
No words to add to this very touching tribute to a father;
Heheh, Martin, it's from the bottom of my heart!
",)
It really is a pleasure meeting you here.
Ruwan, I'm relieved to hear that Spider Man is not your hero!
Wait...don't tell me your Father is the Spider Man???
(^_*)
Thanks for visiting here, Ruwan!
Syu, warm hugs back! Thank you much.
You guys are very sweet!
After reading all your comments, now I feel that being in EC is like coming to a church.
Where we share the same faith (for the most part).
Where everyone comforts and strengthens each other.
Here, we become brothers, sisters, friends (sometimes enemies).
We empathize with each others' success and failures.
Though we're all strangers, we come to learn to care for each other without hypocrisy.
Most of us are not very timid in expressing our opinions, whether it's popular or not.
This is one thing I admire about this club in general.
I for one didn't come here to learn English 'coz I thought I already knew enough.
There wasn't much expectation.
I just wanted to get into some lazy conversations with people in the chat room.
I was proud and therefore, unaware.
Unaware that little by little I'm being taught here.
That EC is beyond than just learning proper English.
But also learning about ourselves.
That EC doesn't only give us a chance to learn correct grammar and pronunciation.
But it also provides us opportunity to learn about others.
That there is more in the chat room than the silly chats we usually see there.
It develops a knit bond among strangers.
I realized that English is nothing but another language without those people who are passionate about learning it and without those who make their learning worthwhile.
It's indeed a privilege to get to know everyone here.
It's a place where people are valued not just because they are needed here but because each one regardless of background is well worth the respect.
I just now realized that EC may also stand for English Church, LOL!
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