ESL Blogs

             When I was a young boy, I felt guilty if I was late for school. When I went into the school’s compund, I was deeply ashamed of my late. There was no one around me but just one man who opend the School’s gate. He didn’t say anything; no one was watching but I was hunted by feelings of guilt because I was late. I was lost in my thought how to explain to my teacher.
             I was back from other townships where my grandfather lived in that morning. My mother and I visited my grandfather’s home for two days. When we arrived at home, it was 9:30 am and it was too late. I couldn’t decide to go to school or not. Finally, my mother said that “Son, u have to go to school. Just go! Explain your teacher. Everything will be fine”. After thinking about my late, I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized I’m not doing intentionally. I walked to my classroom and got permission from my teacher to come in. I explained my teacher why I was late and my teacher accepted. My teacher started teaching again. I really love my life at that age and

I miss that moment of being an honest boy.

             Now, I have been employed as an Assistant Regional Manager for three years by a Project from UNDP. I have been dealing with many kinds of people in diffenent environments. After dealing with these people, my honesty and integrity was going to disappear from me for many times. I lost my environment that I love.

Actually, I didn’t lose an environment. I just lost  honest people around me.

            After I was employed, I have to deal with more than 100 people in my working environment. I’m second man in my work. We, me and Regional Manager, have to decide on many daily issues in our work. Being second man, I’m not a final decision maker. So, I couldn’t change some decision which shouldn’t be made but it was not all. If a decision leading to damage seriously to staff and project, I did to change the decisoion without doing myself but told it to higher level management. (ie, I was not seriously against with RM in preparing setting plan for a meeting. But I told gently to change his decision if it could seriously damage to staff and project.)
                Before I was employed as an Assistant Regional Manager, I was only 2 year experience in that field. But most of Branch Manager had over 10 years experience. They didn’t want to report through me because I was younger than them. So, I couldn’t have a chance to solve it to get better result sometimes. We couldn’t control other staffs if I stood by them in some case because they made offence. (ie, They have a chance to claim more day to comple a task at meeting but they didn’t. Later, they got all the blame from RM because they couldn’t give it in time.)
               I was in middle management level at my region. I’m responsible to make smooth between RM and all staffs. I tried my best. But most of the people were trying to destroy relationship between us and good staffs. These people never made an effort to finish their work or get better operation at field level. They have full support of many staffs who were like-minded people as them. After three years, their group grew bigger and they started to incitie the other staffs to make offence to us.
              I felt deeply sorry for good staffs. But I couldn’t do anything. It was too late. I simply lost them. Why? May be I’m not smart enough to keep them. But that group is bigger and stronger. If one group is bigger and stronger, they usually want to attack opposite one to vanish. So, they started to attack us using any method to make offence to us. Sometimes, I really want to strike back to them using any method. At that time, honesty and integrity is going to disappear from me.

Honestly, I didn’t do it till today. But how long can I stand these hit. I really don’t know.