ESL Blogs

It’s a question that I asked to myself when I read the line “Prepare your mind to receive the best that life has to offer” by Earnest Holmes. In my fantasy she is an invaluable gift given by life for sure. I am trying to comprehend her looks, her intellect and the relationship (real or virtual) we share….

I don’t know. No one knows what cooks inside her mind. There is a perpetual smile on her face. And behind that smile, there is something fishy. She portrays as being determined on ideology, but she acts as realistic, so looks like vacillating apparently (at least to me). No one notices her as closely as I do. She is responsible for my high class attendances and low class marks. Only because of her I believe in god. She is the reason I do not see another girls. She is the motivation for my clam and placid disposition. She is the person that helped me to find myself.

I never talk to her for a long time.  In fact the reality is that we never chatted for 10 minutes. I know the reasons. All failures are because of me and whatever interaction is due to her nature. I am a keen observer, a stoic sufferer and silent admirer of that girl. Even after knowing, that I will not be able to explain her looks, behavior and thoughts, I am doing it (actually enjoying it).

She is tall in height with a long neck (like Germans). She got dark hairs and big eyes. Her face has an attracting shine and a dimple on her cheek, makes it epitome of concentration distracter for those who see it carefully (her beauty is basically her weapon). Her nose got a proper slope and face is a little elliptical. Her nails are small, stills she bites them (I don’t know why?).

 She is bold when it comes to her personal rights. She has a lot of ego (self respect for her point of view). She has the manners of articulation and trick of manipulations. She is quick in her decision making and a little assertive (if not bigotry) on those choices. Being a realist she does go for compromises for long term benefits.

Even in hard times and delicate situations she tries to find the best option ignoring the possible ignominious consequences. She ignores the dismal dimensions at those junctures (as they are inevitable) and looks forward for better available options possible. Nothing is more important for her than her career. She is optimist, and rigorously hardworking in her field.

She is consistent with her commitment and with activities related to that vow. She strives hard for things which she seriously likes and does not get disappointment usually. For her life is a journey and she tries to enjoy every episode of it. She tries to make herself the poignant of the real screen in this play. And she tries to act heroic in every play she performs.

Initially I thought I was infatuated with her, but when the affection goes for long it becomes addiction followed by love (one sided). There is no confusion that love is the equity that I can’t afford at this moment of my life. I am on the line which divides addiction and infatuation. My heart says she can be the biggest achievement of your life. My mind says “think rationally”!

My friends say it’s not her, but the way I look at her makes her so special for me. For others she is just another “girl”. Others ask (pessimistically) “why you are looking for some who is not made for you?” They put the logic that we are poles apart. Caste, class, regional and religious lines that divide my society. Some say. "don’t walk the path where success is sure to elude". Rest of them taunt “what kind of love (one sided) is it when it distracts you?” The questions asked are serious. My cognitive mind understands the consequence based arguments my near and dears make.

Pondering over issues which are related to my dreams somewhere deep down my heart. Dwelling on the subjects which affect me and my surroundings. Putting my hand on the emotionally infatuated innocent heart I said to myself, “Let’s move on, Earnest wisdom can’t give me the license to go against the norms.”! We may like 1000 things in the game but there are rules and I have to abide them. I can try hard to change those rules (when I will hold good cards in my hand) but one thing is sure, I won’t break those rules…. Ever!