ESL Blogs

"I, uh, I don't think I'm gonna sit down, actually. I don't think I could sit down right now. Uh, we still don't know, right? And we don't have any idea what it's gonna be called. Okay, is there... uh... polls... I mean, is it literally gonna come down like Alaska an' Hawaii an' stuff like that? 'Cause we never wait for those people. We don't know. We love them, but you know, they're too far out West. Now, um... I think we can agree that this has been an absolutely exhausting, bruising election for everyone, and it has come to an ending that I did not imagine. We all now feel the way Rudy Giuliani looks... um, seeing this election *Chuckles* seeing... seeing this election, you know, people all around the world, I mean, she's gone off to Portugal. Everybody's been sayin', "Has America lost its mind?" And the answer is, evidently, "Back off, buddy! We got 300,000,000 guns and we're kinda stressed right now!..."

This was part of Stephen Colbert's speech during his election coverage on the Late Night Show with Stephen Colbert, November, 2016. Verbatim. Before knowing the results, obviously. But the look on his face kinda said it all, didn't it? Now, I'm gonna share two links with y'all—When both of these vids are about to end, I'd like you to look at that pianist fella.

Published on Mar 29, 2016

Published on Nov 9, 2016

Hmm? Lemme explain: In the first one, he's literally dancin' like a little boy who's got the biggest present on Christmas, in the second one, he's lost and scared. So is Colbert! Look at him. In the first one, he's making a buffoon out of himself with those spoons, he sang, clapped, laughed and everything was comin' up roses. Or should I say Thomas'es?

However, in the second one, he talked a lot of smack, scratched his chin to come up with a funny rejoinder, had a sip of that drink which, by the way, I betcha he wished it were sulfuric acid at that very moment, he even resorted to his late mother to prove his point which you and I both know was a failed attempt to grasp at a straw. Come on, Colbert! You can't fool me. You were devastated. Remember when Haley Joel Osment told Bruce Willis, "I see dead people"? 'Twas 1999, right? Well said, young man. Here's its 2016 version: "I see people... who are dead inside".

Disclaimer: I neither condone nor condemn the song. I'm all for the joy and happiness that it brought to those people, ya know? They were so happy, weren't they? Fools...