Today, I was dazed. It’s a shivering thought! I’m in middle of fury and pity, to choose which part will dominate me, I don’t know. This peculiar feeling of fear and mercy made me faltered. The news was astonishing, agonizing, and scary. I can’t prevent myself from questioning the details and I felt depression enveloping my whole being.
How will you react if you know that you are working with someone who is an HIV positive?
Yeah, this morning I heard the news that made me shivered. I consider the person as a friend but not to the extent that we share same mugs of coffee (thank God! I’m so vain about this), I never used the person’s computer (at least I don’t have to, but I still recall for the previous months if I did - memory don’t you fail me!), but I did borrow the person’s stapler and remover (I freaked out! Yes I did! Silently!), and the person even handed me USB for some documents the person needed from me.
I felt so unfair, to myself and to that person.
I know it’s not easy for that person to know this current situation that person in. There’s nothing I could do, it’s an irreversible state. I really don’t know how to react, but my initial reaction was to protect myself, to keep my things with me and to clean them with my very own hands. Just like my other personal stuff, but this time I started to separate everything.
Maybe, I’m only paranoid but my brain was programmed like this, to survive.
This country has a very strict rule about contagious disease and if they found out that the person has it, they will immediately send that person out. I mean deportation, so tonight the person has to go, by hook or by crook.
They will throw now the person’s table, keyboard, mouse, and mugs (This mean I need to purchase new ones). And heaven knows how I deeply prayed that they will include the phone that person used.
Really, I felt I’m unfair. Okay, I know I am. The person is a friend but if I will not act cautiously I think I’m going to be unfair for myself and my family as well. I can’t take chances.
Life is tragic, I know.
And we only reap what we sowed.
Life could be difficult, sometimes, most of the times or for so long.
But life is what we make it.
I’m preaching myself almost every day that for every action there’s always an equal reaction, either negative or positive we did something about it. We contributed to its outcome. We are responsible and accountable for all things happening to us. We can’t just blame someone if we landed to life’s misery. I told myself, life isn’t a bed of roses and tulips.
But still…!
I lost the chance to say goodbye,
I lost the chance to say be strong,
I lost the chance to say thank you,
A sorrowful end, please make the most out of it, HAVE A MEANINGFUL JOURNEY, the least I could ask for. The least I could pray for.
I believe God will not give us problems that we can’t overcome.
Farewell.
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