ESL Blogs

Having been here on EC for several months, I have read many blogs about unshared love, unhappy relationships, about couples or friends who met each other here online and then got married and/or parted. As many people, as many opinions and experiences in life. What I want to write here is only my own point of view. Hardly anyone among us could claim to be in possession of the absolute truth. Neither do I. I am only trying to share my beliefs about a virtual relationship.

We all have needs to love and be loved, and we meet these needs in different ways. Most of us consciously choose a suitable person, based on his/her qualities and actually practiced united experience, and in the previously built relationship, we find the satisfaction of needs for love.

Whereas many satisfy their needs impulsively, without awareness, under the influence of the moment and circumstances, when they get the opportunity to shower someone with their unmet feelings. And communication with a pleasant person on the Internet is the most suitable opportunity for this. You can immediately meet the need for emotional attachment, allowing your imagination to fly freely behind the words of the person.

For a while you feel the satisfaction of your need for love, your feelings inspire you, and you follow them, letting yourself be carried away by hopes and dreams. Unfortunately, the risk of deep and painful disappointments with such an approach is too high because there is still no reliable and healthy basis for happy relationships.

Intense conversations and promises via Skype or chatting, by phone or e-mail give you the illusion that you are already in a real relationship or, as many have said in such a case, that this is “the beginning of something bigger”.

Nowadays information technologies, when one can unlimitedly meet and communicate in the virtual space, the line between the real and the virtual is blurred for many people.

Let's see how the beginning of something bigger differs from virtual fantasies.

Real relationships differ from fantasies in that they always progress, move forward and develop in real life, and not in a virtual environment.

Now a lot of relationships begin their development from a virtual environment into real life.

The beginning of something bigger is a real investment by a couple:

- time: you plan to meet, you organize your meeting, you will spend your time to get to know each other better;

- resources: you spend money on your dates, use your creative potential, sense of humor, abilities.

Love takes time to develop, and even if feelings develop rapidly, it happens when you communicate face to face and not on the computer.

If you are too in a hurry to talk about love, about plans for your future together, about marriage, these topics lose their “holiness” and seriousness. It looks like a child's perception of these topics, when two children in the game indulge in fantasies about the future, not having in mind any consequences or real actions, to achieve this fantasy.

WHAT TO DO

Do not confuse communication with relationships. Do not invest your emotions in a person who you have never met. There are many people on the net in search of their second half, but there are also enough those who are not capable of real actions and satisfied with virtual fantasies.

If a person (usually it is for men) really has an interest and potential, he will find opportunities to meet with you, no matter how far from you he lives.

Until the man has taken real steps, do not focus all your attention on this relationship (unless both of you are looking for this and have a mutual agreement). In most cases, it is fake and has nothing to do with reality. The only thing you will find is suffering where there is none.

Being in love with a virtual fan and replacing real relationships with virtual ones can actually bring more pain than good. It is in your best interest to look at things sensibly, and not to make hasty conclusions about the depth and intensity of chatters’ feelings, until they manifest themselves in real life.

I'd like to wish good luck to all of us, and let’s try to be happy no matter how.