ESL Blogs

1. Do you sometimes have trouble controlling yourtemper?

2. Have you ever become angry and regretted your actions later?

3. Has anyone ever complained to you about your anger?

4. Have you ever lostcontrol of your anger to the point where you became violent or abusive?

Long before a child has gone to school and learned to read and write, he has learned much about anger. No doubt he has seen parents displaying anger toward each other and to other adults. At times this adult anger has been directed toward the child himself. The young child has seen expressions of anger among his playmates. Most likely he has also demonstrated his childhood ability to become very angry in certain situations. A newly ordained priest will have to spend only a short time in the confessional before he realizes how universal a problem anger really is. Brothers and sisters confess angrily fighting with one another. Hus-bands and wives release feelings of anger toward the person they should love the most. Beyond the family there are displays of anger throughout the community and in the business world. Neighbours can’t get along. Employers are angered by their workers. Employees become upset with their employers.

From the start it should be noted that there is an important distinction to be made between feelings of anger and sins of anger. Every human being in the world, except perhaps the rare few who are so temperamentally pliable and unassertive that they want peace at all costs, will at some time feel impatient with others or be tempted to a bitter or angry retort or be carried away by interior feelings of resentment toward someone. Such feelings are not sinful if they are kept from appearing in one’s external conduct in any way or from becoming a deliberate desire that the other person be hurt in some way as a result of one’s anger. To avoid sins of anger takes a great deal of self-discipline and the help of God’s grace. The sin of anger is chiefly a sin of expression; a person manifests ill will toward another person. It can be momentary or it can last a lifetime. It could even be a sin if the anger were not expressed but just remained a firm desire.

Anger is a basic human emotion and feeling angry is OK. It is often what we do with our anger (how we express it) that can be problematic. When anger is expressed in an abusive or violent manner this is unacceptable behaviour. We need to learn how to manage our emotion so that its expression is not harmful or disrespectful. 

One way to look at this is:          Anger is an emotion … violence is a choice.

1. Recognizing the warning signs :

In order to control your anger, you first need to be able to recognise the signs that you are starting to get angry. Which of these physical signs of building anger do you recognize from your own experience? 

• Sensations of heat and flushing in the face.
  
• Muscular tightening, especially around the jaw and arms.
  
• A sensation of building pressure in the head.
  
• Elevated heart rate and breathing.
  
• Sweating.

These physical signs are all indications that your body is preparing for ‘fight or flight’, our primitive response to threat. Once you recognize that you are getting angry, then you have the opportunity to do something to diffuse the situation before it gets out of control. Here are some techniques you can try.

2. Controlled breathing :

When angry, our breath tends to start coming fast and shallow. Slowing and deepening the breath can have a calming effect. Try taking five long, slow breaths. Relax the muscles in your arms and face.

3. Time Out :

Sometimes the best thing to do in a situation where you are starting to feel angry is to get away from the situation for a while, in order to calm down and think clearly about the situation. If you are having an argument, you can say to the other person something like, ‘Listen, I think I need to take a break for a bit. I’ll come back and we can sort this out in half an hour’.

4. Talk yourself down not up :

Self talk has the ability to act like a can of petrol or water on the ‘fire’ of anger.  Saying things to yourself like, ‘This person is an idiot!’ or ‘How dare she talk to me like that?’ is likely to increase your feelings of anger. Instead, try calming self-statements such as:

• ‘Cool it. You can handle this.’
  
• ‘No point flying off the handle. Let’s just take a few breaths.’
  
• ‘I’m not going to let this get to me.’
  
• ‘Relax…’
  

5. Skills to avoid getting angry in the first place : 

Whilst these anger management techniques can help to calm you down in a crisis, they don’t address the causes of excessive anger. Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but this doesn’t mean that every disagreement needs to lead to an angry fight.

6. Relaxation :

Anger can be the result of a build up of unresolved stress, bottling things up, or a front for other unexpressed emotions.  Learning relaxation skills can help you to release the physical tension in the body which can contribute to anger problems. Relaxation classes are often offered at low cost by places such as community health centres. 

7. Changing the beliefs that contribute to anger : 

Some anger problems are related to underlying belief systems about how the world ‘should’ be. If you have a belief that the world should or must conform to your expectations, when in fact it often doesn’t, you may experience a lot of frustration and anger.

To all my dears friends ... Hope you like it ... 

and thanks for reading.

tHe uLtImAtE.