ESL Blogs

This is the translation of an extract from an Urdu novel of my favourite mystery writer.  (Title is my own).

The Confession of a girl:

“I know you will come back, but by then I will have gone far away.  My addressing you so frankly may surprise you, but when I am going to die, I wish you to address you in this way.  I am a bad girl part of a criminal group, but still do have a ‘myself’, I do have my own individuality, which is apart from what I am in apparent, but why you care about my this personal individuality, which loves you.  I wish to repeat this that I love throughout my letter.  After ending this letter I will end my life by drinking poison, in spite you have promised that you will save me from the punishment of the crimes I have been a partner, but I do not find the courage to come before the world with my reality.  Will you cry on my dead body?  I wish that your eyes will dampen seeing my dead body.  Why? I don’t know, such an absurd wish.  Will I be able to see you cry after dying?

I know that we had gotten so close to deceiving each other, but now when I look at my heart, I feel that I have been deceiving myself all the time.  I would have never been able to show you to the door of death the way I did to others.  After involving in the sinful like my heart was turned to stone.  There was not mercy for anyone in it. It seemed that there was no heart at all.  But I don’t know how come it become possible that I found my heart back, I found back the lost woman in me, I found the lost humanity after having met you.  Then tell me why I would call you that you are mine and I love you.

I am going to die, and there is no regret for it.  I am feeling no fear of death.  I have been committing sins all the way in my life, but now I am going to commit a last sin, ‘suicide’, this the sin which will wipe out my all previous sin.  I am helpless.

The one who thinks, the one who feels that you are mine. Bye.”