ESL Blogs

It was a letter written by me couple of years ago. I read it a 1000 times since then and most of the variables have changed profoundly now. But what has remained is the essence of the message. She is still very much attractive and I am still not ready for a responsibility (should not be seen as an opportunity). I know the value of commitment and I know the price it takes, the sacrifices one has to make. These are the factors that refrained me from delivering it and what was supposed to be someone other's property became a page of my memoir. Here it goes....

      "There is long way ahead (some times obscure sometimes obnoxious). Each time I see you, you are new, more energetic, more happy, more ambitious yet smiling. Sometimes it arouses me some times I douse. We walk on different paths, different ideologies dominate our neurons. For me I am a philanthropic and I see you as a modern sardonic. For you I am an introvert/pseudo intellectual and you treat yourself as a "forward looking". Difference in perception is the biggest and probably the only difference between us. But as thoughts govern our actions so we are.

      Truth to be told, there is a lot in you to learn, but not sufficient enough to deviate me from the path almighty has chosen for me. Though it took some time, but I understood that Its not you, but your qualities that makes me your fan. I know, I never appreciated those characteristics publicly or personally (in fact no one did), but it does not mean they are unnoticed. I am undergoing an introspection, and a transition state is more dangerous than stable one. So it will be imprudent to say what will be my next course of action, or things will remain random.

     What is happening inside me is not for the first time. History is testimony its (being attracted, impressed or influenced) in my nature. Sooner or later, I will win over you. I know we are not competing, we were never, but some times its fight within. And probably this time it is!

    They say its fate, I believe we write our own destiny. Since the roads are diverging and I am pretty sure that they will never meet again. Its just "now and never" but the very same persons say "never say never" . Contradicting ideologies, conflicting thoughts, random perceptions makes the "issue" paradoxical. What makes situation more complicated for me is the advice "Life is simple dude, its just move on". Move on where and move on how? We are not machines, Our past makes us smile not our future, why do not they understand that?

      Anyways back to topic, you know you remind me of some one, some one I lost almost 10 years ago. But still memories are like as it happened yesterday. Memories excite me everyday, I know what ever happened I am alone responsible for that. I called it sacrifice that day (only time will judge was it or not), but my God knows I realized your importance in my life the very next day I lost you. The feeling of regret is still as young as it was that time. I searched you, I keep trying, I hear rumors about you (mendacious news from unreliable sources). But the end is catastrophic (as it now at least).

       Let me learn from my past, I wont allow it to repeat again. I wont allow some one to know me better than me. I wont allow anyone to make me a fan forever, But even if it happens (least probable event) then god swear I wont let you go!"