ESL Blogs

On the third day of last Eid Mubarak, my niece got married. In this blog, I want to share with you the typical Malay wedding reception. This blog will be in two parts; Part One : The Engagement and Part Two : The Wedding

Part One : The Engagement

Before I tell you about the wedding itself, let me tell about the engagement ceremony. For a Malay lady, the engagement ceremony is elaborate and still as traditional as it was years ago. When a Malay man wants to ask a hand of marriage for a particular lady, first he will send his representatives; typically his close family members, to meet with the parents of the lady. This is called 'merisik" or literally translated as 'inquire'. This is to inquire whether the girl is available and agree to be betrothed or engaged. This is not an engagement itself. In some cases, a ring would be presented to show the intention of the man, but sometimes an agreement is enough.

When an agreement agreed upon both parties, a date for the representative of the man to come and meet the parents of the lady is set. This is the engagement. In both process, the man choose not to be present. He will send his representatives; normally his family members or elders of his community. Normally, men will take centre stage in these two process, because a man is considered the head of a family and/community.

On the date of the engagement, his representatives will speak on his behalf to inquire about dowry to be paid, period of engagement and other things. On the day of the engagement, various tokens or gifts; which are known as 'barang hantaran' are being presented to the lady. In reciprocal the lady will gives various tokens or gifts back. In this occasion, the gifts normally in odd numbers and the lady must give at least two extra more than the man. For example, if the man gives seven numbers of token, the lady must gives back nine numbers of tokens.

A ring will be presented to the lady and a date maybe set for the wedding ceremony. Just a note, if the lady has an elder sister(s) and still not married, the husband-to be has to give gifts to the elder sister(s) too. This is what Malay called 'langkah bendul'; or literally translated as 'overstepping the threshold'. However, if the lady has an unmarried elder brother(s), this tradition does not applies. The gift for the unmarried elder sister(s) depends on the agreement set by the family of the lady. It can be as simple as a gold ring, or it can be elaborate such as a ring with a full set of new dress and accessories from head to toes.

The period of engagement varies and depends on the agreement of both parties. In my niece' case, it was for the period of one year. On the engagement day, normally the mother of the husband-to be or an elder woman will put the ring on the fingers of the lady. During the engagement ceremony, the husband-to be is not required to attend.

In Part II, I will write about the wedding itself.